rheanna

Mandarra,

The sad thing is that in this youth-oriented culture, "older" women are invisible. There is so much noise and attention and press given to looking young, that we women get caught up in this ourselves. I too ignored "older" women. Now I am one.

I've learned to look at life from a different attitude. Since I'm no longer considered "young", I no longer have to worry whether I measure up to someone else's opinion. I mean, what ever possessed me to care about how absolute strangers rated me???

From this side of the divide, I can tell young whippersnappers to behave themselves -- and they do! Surprises me sometimes.

I can give advice (only when it's asked for!) and feel that what I have to say has some merit, because I've lived long enough to have some perspective.

I can wear what I decide looks good on me and not have to wear what's in fashion. I mean, do the manufacturers really think that all of us women are dying to wear low-rise pants???? I finally got out my sewing machine and am making a few pants until I fine-tune the pattern to fit. Then I'm going to buy up scads more fabric and make some that come up to the waist. Gracious. The young whippersnapper at the jeans store had the gall to make me feel that I was an old fogey for asking for jeans that fit -- the manufacturers aren't making such pants any more, so therefore I should quit trying to be an old granny and ask for something that isn't in fashion!!!

There is soooo much value given to looking young in our culture, that by the time we are no longer young we suddenly realize that we forgot to value ourselves for other qualities all those years. Now is your chance to look at yourself and find out what is great about you. I have an attitude. I have a sense of humor. I have talents like writing and art. I do things to help out my neighbors. I like animals. I go to concerts and plays. I am well read on what's happening in the world. I moved to Germany from America 12 years ago and learned another language and have lots of German friends.

All of these talents and accomplishments have nothing to do with how I look. Some of them have to do with how old I am, because some of them are a lot easier when you've got a few years of experience behind you. But none of them have anything to do with how old I look.

It's a shock to wake up and realize that you've crossed that invisible line, and there's no going back. I sympathise. I'm not trying to trivialize what you're going through. It'll hurt for a while. Please feel free to vent some more on this Board. Just know that there is another life out there. You're living it. Along with the mourning about the loss of youth is also the joy of knowing that you have the chance to grow in other directions.

And besides which, maybe I'm way out of line and what you're mourning is not he loss of youthful looks at all. Fell free to correct me. I'm just letting you know what my shock was about when I turned 50.

Welcome to the club.

--Rheanna