I'm starting to feel that way. I'm 46 and I look very young for my age. Everyone thinks I'm a good ten years younger..but I'm feeling old. I find myself becoming sad because I'm not young anymore. Especially when I shop for clothes. I'm constantly saying.."Can I still wear this?" I don't want to dress "old" and yet I have this fear of trying to look too young. Is anyone stuck in this limbo state? I find if I keep things simple..yet classic it helps. Stay away from too trendy outfits..but I just feel like I can relate to any age group at the moment. I still act fairly young at heart..but the reality is I'm middle-aged. Just wondering if anyone else is feeling this way, too.
I sympathise! In our western culture, we females are praised for moving from one life-stage to another, but only up to a certain point. We are praised for moving from babyhood to childhood, from childhood to puberty, from teenage to adulthood, and then.... We are then dropped from the list of folks to praise. Men get to be "distinguished" as they grow older. We just grow older.
You've got lots of sympathy on this board -- and praise for trying to figure out ways to make your life better!
Hi,
I know the feeling all to well. Just yesterday in a casual meeting at work, age came up and when I said that I was 50 - they (all women), just didn't believe me - they all thought I was much younger. Although that should have made me feel much better, but it didn't.
The clothing and hairstyle issues, new aches and pains, all the menopause symptoms - I'm stll in the 'peri' mode. Feeling like it's all downhill from here - need I say more. I just hope for the day when I'm feeling like many of the ladies here that have completed menopause and like themselves again.
Thanks ladies..This may sound crazy to complain about but I'm going to. I met this beautiful younger man at my work. He's gorgeous and he's into me. But I'm scared to death of him because I'm a good ten years older. I find myself becoming resentful of younger women and feeling like "why bother" I'm just gonna get old before him. I look at my mother and she still looks great. Same with my older sister..but I'm stuck in this praise of all things young and beautiful. It's true. Men get so many breaks as they age but women all but disappear. And you look at all the celebs out there some younger than me..getting plastic surgerey and you just cringe. I'll never be able to afford that..but I never wanna look like I've had work done. But so many older women go through this..I just hate this stage I'm in right now.
I also think it doesn't help that this younger woman I work with called me an "old lady" when I was talking about my dates. She's like.."Geez, the old lady is getting all the dates!" I kept my cool. There are parts of myself that I like, of course. There is a certain right of passage we have as older women that empowers us in some areas. I am confident..but the peri-symptoms and reality of the approaching years..and just not being able to relate to some of the issues today..the high tech stuff..how men and women relate..it shows.
I'm starting to feel that way. I'm 46 and I look very young for my age. Everyone thinks I'm a good ten years younger..but I'm feeling old. I find myself becoming sad because I'm not young anymore. Especially when I shop for clothes. I'm constantly saying.."Can I still wear this?" I don't want to dress "old" and yet I have this fear of trying to look too young. Is anyone stuck in this limbo state? I find if I keep things simple..yet classic it helps. Stay away from too trendy outfits..but I just feel like I can relate to any age group at the moment. I still act fairly young at heart..but the reality is I'm middle-aged. Just wondering if anyone else is feeling this way, too.
I know how you feel. Someone came in and stole my body. Everyone says I look great for my "AGE". I told the doctor at work that I was middle aged and he said that was only if I lived to be 102.
I do not look, feel, or act my age. Yet, I miss that girl in the tight ski pants that would walk down the hall and have men follow her. "Glory Days" isn't that the way.
I now have migranes, hot flashes, cold flashes, panic attacks, sleepless nights, I am a professional accountant but have just become unemployed. Now I get to be hired by some young person whom thinks I'm an old bag. I cry at the drop of the hat. My husband is retired and isn't thrilled to have me underfoot all day and I am trying to study for the CPA exam and I can't remember where I put my reading glasses half the time.
Isn't this supposed to be the best times of our life? Is it just me?
I'm going to be 51 in 2 weeks. I'm in perimenopause right now. I think about aging every day..from the minute I wake up until I go to bed.
Physically, I feel good other than some arthritis in my thumb... but the doctor told me that things would get worse as I went into menopause. I hope not.
The thought of menopause depresses me. Though I have never had kids and never wanted any, I will still "miss" having a period...somehow I feel its the one thing that lets me know I'm still young.
But my mother who is now 85 told me that she never missed "aunt flo" for a minute and had the best days of her life after menopause.... she said no one ever died from menopause and to stop complaining. :-)
Last edited by georgiehopper; 02-13-2009 at 06:42 PM.
Reason: want to subscribe
I can relate to all of you. I am 48, almost 49, but don't feel, nor act my age. I feel like I am in my mid thirties, but that was a while back. I can barely believe how old I'll be in a couple of weeks. All of a sudden I am the oldest one in most of the groups I find myself in. I think about aging a lot and wonder where did the time go.
Men get so many breaks as they age but women all but disappear.
If this makes you feel any better, this is not true. Men age too, JUST as much as women do. Testosterone levels drop at around the same age estrogen does for us, that's why most have erection problems once they hit a certain age,and start going bald/wrinkles/gray hair. We do NOT disappear any more than they do.
I am 56. I am told I look alot younger but I don't see it. Three years ago I could wear a two piece bathing suit, now I don't even want to wear shorts in public. And what is with the bat wings? The dry skin and dark circles are just so attractive. NOT! I don't think the menopause stuff makes me feel old and think more about aging and death. The turning point is having friends and family die from health issues or old age.
mel, i'm 56, will be 57 in september, and i absolutely refuse to stop wearing my bikini!!! believe you me, i'm no light-weight, and facially i think i look every one of my 56 years, but it will take a lot for me to give the bikini up when i'm on holiday.
i think it's very true what you're saying about not being menopause which makes you think of aging and death, but losing family and friends. i believe i coped pretty well with meno, had a fair few symptoms but generally just got on with it. what's really made me think about getting old and dying is the loss of my lovely sister last summer with a brain tumour. it's had such a huge impact on the whole family, and as she was only a couple of years older than me, and both our parents died more than 10 years ago, i feel very isolated, anxious and uncertain about the future (what future, i sometimes ask myself) and what it holds for me.
up until her death, we saw a lot of each other and always knew we were there for each other. i'm pretty sure it's all part of the grieving process for me, but the shine has definately gone out of life.
sue
Sue, I certainly can relate. I lost my sister almost 5 years ago in a drowning accident. (It still seems like yesterday) My best friend who pretty much was raised with me since we were 13 years old (her mother had died) passed away last year from pancreatic cancer. My parents are still here, but after my sister died my dad had several heart attack resulting in open heart surgery and mom had a stroke leading to limited short term memory. There's alot more on the plate but I won't bore ya. It makes the menopause issues unimportant if that is just all it is. I just want to know there are not other problems going on because it would be unbearable for my parents if something happened to me. Until I found this board, I didn't know other women were going through the same symptoms. No one in my family or my circle of friends experienced the major sweats or any other stuff.
Isn't this supposed to be the best times of our life? Is it just me?
That is what I ask myself all the time. Isn't it supposed to be great now? Kids are grown and it's time to do things. Except, on come the migraines, panic attacks, depression and everything else. It is exactly as you say...someone came in and took over my body. I used to be energetic, always happy, never ill and now I feel so miserable most every day. I push to do things that I used to enjoy but it's like I'm just going through the motions and not having. Clothes do not seem to fit any longer....what's up with that??? I'm a petite person and still weigh just 102 lbs but things have shifted to spots where I don't need them to be!!!
I have tried bioidentical hormone therapy but so far with no success. I stopped for a while and just began again today. I put on my cream of estrogen and progesterone and in about an hour I had chills, was very unsteady, felt disoriented and couldn't concentrate. Does anyone else have strange side effects when using hormone replacement?
I just want to feel like myself again. There has got to be a better way.
Last edited by mod-anon; 02-27-2009 at 09:40 PM.
Reason: edited quote
I'm having issues with Prempro, If I take it I get my period, I'm 55, and with the period I get Migranes. Now, I'm taking 1/2 of a low dose pill and using some progesterone creams and I am having less migranes but still the hot flashes and the chills at night. It's been 2 months since I had a period. You are right, weight has shifted, I even had Lipo but still I have a stomach. Also I was having some issues with blood pressure, I recently became unemployed so I am eating right and trying to stay calm. It is really hard to stay calm in this economy. I have insurance but it is limited. $200 for 9 imitrex, no wonder I don't want the period migranes. I know I still can look great because of good genes, but this new body isn't me and I don't feel normal. Even when you are pregnant you get to give birth and get it over with in 9 months and then get your body back. I am so tired of it. I have tried everything I can think of. How long does menapaus last, does anybody know? And afterward, are you just this tired, worn out, old person?
Last edited by mod-anon; 02-27-2009 at 09:41 PM.
Reason: removed quote
Girls, you are my Menapause Tribe and we are not alone. This spring when the weather breaks around this dreary old town of Pittsburgh, I will put on my "Tankini" it's 2 pieces, but covers more of me, I was always a bikini girl, and go to the boat and sit in the sun. Then, maybe I'll feel more like me, this was one of the worst winters of my life stress wise. Everyone says get over it, but that is like telling a seriously depressed person to snap out of it. I am having major menapause symptoms. I know there are worse things than menapause but I don't think that idea helps me much right now. I am sure the stress on me right now makes the symptoms worse, and I know I'm not the only one feeling old and stressed right now. I am getting older, falling apart, and having hot flashes, but at least I'm not alone. If there were a magazine out right now on how to cope with menapause for the beautiful older women that we all are, I would buy it. Is there a book "Menapause for Dummies?" How to bridge the gap is scarey for me? My favorite girlfriend always tells me that there is no such thing as too much fun and there is more fun coming. Her hotflashes are almost over, how many more years do I have to wait? The sun will come out tomorrow? I think I'll go take a nap and wait for it.
I'm 48 but also look younger because I'm petite and thin but feeling sad most of the time about getting older. I feel old sometimes because the skin is beginning to sag from having children...not much but enough that when I sit, it's there....ewwwwww. I constantly ask my 17 year old daughter if what I'm wearing is appropriate. I still want to wear my short skirts because thats the way I have alway's dressed and looked good but now I'm not sure how to dress. I think we are all very hard on ourselves. It's tough to feel not so pretty anymore. I'm glad to know that other are experiencing the same thoughts and feelings. Makes me feel like I'm not so alone or crazy!
...But my mother who is now 85 told me that she never missed "aunt flo" for a minute and had the best days of her life after menopause.... she said no one ever died from menopause and to stop complaining. :-)
Georgiehopper, wise words from your Mom!
Last edited by mod-anon; 02-28-2009 at 10:18 PM.
Reason: shortened quote
Many women in their forties or late forties look fabulous. If you are like me you are just being way to hard on yourself right now. When I was 28 I felt old, then 34 I felt my life was almost over, now at 55, I'm perplexed by all this physical stuff that is going on. I am just looking for a balance to feel normal. There is a book "Menapause for Dummies" and I order it plus a few others. I need to figure this thing out. I am sure when you try on cloths you know what you look good in trust yourself. I look best in business suits with heels, the legs are the last to go you know... and smile lots, smiles make you look great!!! We'll get through this, what other choice do we have.
We'll get through this, what other choice do we have.
You are so right Pittsburgh....we will all get through because there is no other choice.
I have a few books by Christiane Northrup, MD that I have found to be helpful.
Today is a bad one for me with heacache, joint aches and just feeling poorly, everything hurts. Tomorrow is another day and will hopefully be a better one. Keep smiling.
Ok..I think the key now is taking control over it. Not letting it win. I do feel as if I'm going crazy, lately. I feel beyond down when I'm down..then I get short with people..then I act like I don't care about anything. I crave sweets like mad but don't want to eat anything else. It feels like I've lost all hope. Like my life is over. Like I'll never be happy again. I find myself becoming resentful of young women who could be my daughters..and remembering how it was when I was their age. Remembering the looks and mean glares from the older women in the office when I walked by. Now I know why. They were in peri. They hated me because I was young and they were approaching 50!
All these celebs that are getting injections and face lifts who are younger than me crack me up. They talk about them looking so great and "how do they do it?" Well..we know how they do it. They can afford to spend 4 hours a day in a spa or working out or getting botox! I'm so sick of reading these articles with these women who talk about their pampering...I'm just venting. I want real women to be acknowledged once in awhile...Why can't anyone appreciate us? Enough of the celebs being applauded for looking good. They have all the tools in front of them to do it.
The one who looks bad..even with the tools is Pam Anderson. Sorry. But I've had enough of her for a lifetime.
Ok..I'm done. I'm going to take charge..Peri better watch out. I'm in a fighting mode..tomorrow is another story..or I should say the next 5 minutes is another story..I'll probably be in tears. One minute in tears..one minute yelling..the next being all soft and mushy..back to rage and then onto tears.
