Hello again all,
Well after numerous bouts, discussions, relentless mood swings and my wifes "I need to reinvent myself" battles we succumbed to seperation. I could no longer battle this. I had become miserable. I really did put a huge effort to understand but this took it's toll.
I started another post some back where I came on here trying to understand menopause, the basis, the potential dangers, the mood swings, the personalty changes and so on. I was criticized by her trying to understand what was in front of us. Our intimacy went away, she started making huge family decisions without me, then embarked on a marathon running career(she had never ran nor spoke of running as an interest in 19 years) this included thousands of dollars of gear. endless training, then flying all over to run. I simply could not get into it with her. I supported by watching our daughters while she went on 3 and 4 day trips from NYC to California to Hawaii. Then came the job quitting to go back to school and the mood swings were relentless. I decided that I was not going to be the guy who retreats to the garage to avoid this to end up being the bickersons. She is a very strong over achieving type women and I stood no chance trying to communicate on a topic.
Long story short, I went on a business trip for 4 weeks 5 months ago where I was managing a product transfer. I realized nearing the end of the trip and sitting in the hotel room I simply was no longer in love with her. The flame went out.
I wanted to thank all who gave me good advice and sent me links on the menopause life and side effects.
Well I am sorry to hear this. Menopause can be a hard thing on a family, but I must say it sounds like more then menopause going on here. I could not find the energy to run a marathon if I wanted to. Hang in there,
i agree with julie. how many times do we read about men and women reaching middle age, seeing what the future holds for the rest of their life and deciding to make changes while they still have the chance, rather than putting up with a relationship/life which they're not happy with. unless it's a joint decision then someone is always going to get hurt. men don't have an actual 'menopause', but they too can have a mid-life crisis and trade in their wives for younger models, buy a harley davidson, take up marathon running, etc., etc.
i'm very sorry the way things have worked out for you and your wife but i do think it's unfair to blame it on menopause.
Speaking as a menopausal woman with no husband or kids, let me say that over the years I've turned into a completely different person. Different attitude, different goals. This wasn't something that suddenly happened during menopause; it was gradual. Maybe it's a natural part of getting older. My hormone levels have changed. I used to be a die-hard romantic, hoping for the ideal man. Now I have no romantic feelings whatsoever toward anybody. I'm all about "me" now, not in a selfish way, but in a self-preserving way, with a limited amount of lifespan left. I'm still kind-hearted and generous, but I don't want to expend all my energy on another person.
Don't be hard on yourself; that's all I can say. Relationships are the hardest thing in the whole world, for men and women both.