Anti-depressants and husbands - Menopause Message Board

Maggiee · 03-18-2009, 12:24 PM

I'm very curious as to who here has taken anti-depressants to cope with menopause?

And if so, did it help? Did you eventually stop taking it?

I'm 47 and now post menopausal. I haven't had a period in well over a year and my blood work also indicated that I am post menopausal. During the time that I was in peri I experienced a lot of anxiety and depression. It kind of came out of nowhere (I didn't know I was going into peri) and my moods were all over the place, and it caused some fighting with me and my husband. I ended up going to a shrink and went on Lexapro. The lexapro did help and although my husband didn't ask a whole lot about it, he knew I went to the shrink and when things got better I think he was just happy I wasn't so moody.

Fast forward a few years. I know I'm now post menopausal and feeling okay so I discontinued the lexapro. That was about seven months ago. I felt okay going off the lexapro, although I did go through the "brain zaps" which is very common coming off an AD. Not fun but I got through it.

Now I am having some issues with my workaholic husband, and rather than listen to my valid concerns and requests, he takes the position that "I need to get back on my meds".

I am feeling very resentful of this because I truly do not feel like I need the lexapro anymore.

Has anyone else ever gone through something like this?? I'm starting to regret that I ever took the lexapro if now I'm going to be told I need to be "on my meds" every time I have a complaint. And this issue with his work IS legit. He works six days a week and we never do anything. Yet he manages to spend a night out with the guys every week, and in the summer he spends his only day off (Sunday) golfing.

I could really use some advice.

AnnD · 03-18-2009, 01:27 PM

I suspect your husband has always been a workaholic so now you expect he will be different? Perhaps you were so distracted with you own ills that you didn't notice or rather you were so tired you didn't care and then when you were on an antidepressant you started feeling better and now you are 'back' and you now want your husband to change? I wish it worked that way. Don't know what to tell you but your husband prefers the 'old you' the one that was too sick/tired to care what he was doing. So you are going to have to figure out what to do with this new found energy if you want to stay in this marriage. The next time he says go back on your meds tell him that they did what they were suppose to do and there is no need for them anymore...this is who you were suppose to be all along. Tell him you are sorry if you have neglected him and you would like to know if he appreciates you being there or does he want a life without you...other than going back on meds(that is such a lame thing to say anyway) what does he want from you? ...and is he willing to share his free time with you? You might as well get his honesty so you know where you stand and that might make your future choices more clear. I am sorry for your situation.

Maggiee · 03-18-2009, 05:16 PM

Hi and thanks for the reply. To be honest Ann, my husband was not always this much of a workaholic. I don't know what kind of hormonal changes men go through in late 40's but I think he is the one who "needs meds" because I think there is some depression going on. I remember when I was in peri before I realized what was going on with me I was really moody with him for probably 4-5 months when in reality I needed to take charge of my mental health.... which I did. Now I feel like I have this history or whatever of being on a "psych med" so now it is used against me, and yes that is very lame. That is why I wanted to know if others have experienced that stigma..... just because they went on an AD during peri. I can't take HRT so that was my only option. I was glad it helped, but now I wish I would have kept it to myself that I even took the stuff.

I wonder if divorce is common during this phase of life, seems to me it is a high risk time and that is just sad. I know he loves me and I don't want to get divorced, but navigating through the BS is difficult. I wish there were more efforts made by doctors to educate men and women at this phase of life. It's like meno has this bad rap but men don't go through changes that also puts them out of wack?? Or if they do it is a "mid-life crisis" cured by buying a corvette or getting with a much younger woman, where as women need psych meds because we are psycho??

Hmm I wonder if my husband had taken an AD at some point in his life if I would have told him to "get back on his meds" when I was in peri? Truth be told maybe I would have, LOL!

Titchou · 03-19-2009, 08:50 AM

I was offered them but refused. I had a hormone problem so I felt we should control the hormones. We changed my bcp while I was in peri and then switched to HRT when we felt that it was time. Still on it 7 years later..and doing fine.

kittywitty · 03-20-2009, 12:22 AM

Maggiee -

While I don't really have any advice for you, I can definitely sympathize with you. At least once a month or so my husband suggests that I go back on meds. I was on Prozac for eight years. He knows that my mood swings are hormone-related yet he still says dumb things like this because he doesn't know how else to deal with me. When I remind him that some of my hormonal problems are most likely related to taking Prozac, he shuts right up. Prozac and the other SSRI's lower testosterone. I was also on the pill for 18 years. The pill lowers testosterone and also suppresses the body's ability to make progesterone and can, in turn, cause estrogen dominance. So here I am at 38 y/o with very low progesterone and testosterone. Coincidence? I think not. I'm using a bioidentical progesterone cream that seems to be working well. I'm hoping that might help bring the testosterone up on its own, as I'm not looking forward to paying $50/mo. (that I don't really have) for testosterone cream because my insurance won't cover it. I'm not crazy about the possibility of 'manly' side effects from it either. Good luck with your husband. I swear I wish just for one day they could be us and see how it feels.