rollo:
It's refreshing to see that you want to understand what is happening to your wife. I'm in the same situation. I was told at 35 that I was going into menopause. It has been very difficult. Your body does things that you don't understand, your moods become so erratic, your thought process becomes foggy. I began to feel like I was dying from the inside out. Female friends, the same age as me, were just beginning their families, while I would have a better chance at winning the lottery than becoming pregnant. I didn't want to have anymore children, I have 2 of them, but being told at an unusually young age that this was no longer a possibility was devistating. I began to feel OLD. I became obsessed over small lines on my face, spent a small fortune on cosmetics, which don't work. At a time in my life when I should be at my peak, we peak at 36, I was falling apart. In some ways it is like mourning the death of someone very close to you. It has taken me almost two years to go through the mourning process and to be able to put this in perspective within the rest of my life, to be able to think of myself as more than a uterus and a pair of ovaries.
Now for the health concerns. There is an increased probability of heart disease and osteoporosis, so regular weight bearing exercise is important. There is also the tendancy toward weight gain. Your wife needs to watch what she eats, especially the carbohydrates. I have found that I needed to change the way I think of food. I found the book "Entering the Zone" by Barry Sears, he also has a web site(www.drsears.com), to be helpful, but I don't follow it precisely, the diet is a little low on calcium.
People and doctors will advise on what pills and hormones to take. My suggestion, read as much as you can because there are many conflicting studies about HRT and heart disease and bone loss. I believe this is a personal choice not a medical necessity and drug companies are not always the good guys.
One final thing. Let your wife know that no matter what you will be there for her even if you don't understand what she is going through. I remember once calling my husband at work, which is out of character for me, sobbing because I couldn't find my car keys. He listened to me for about 10 minutes then told me he loved me. It meant so much that he took 10 minutes to listen to me. He really didn't have to say anything, just listen. Emotional support is very important.
Hope this helped,
Shelly
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