psychological symptoms and realities - Menopause Message Board

annie7 · 05-22-2003, 11:33 AM

Women, I believe, go through the same thing during menopause as men go through in their 'mid life crisis'. My sexuality was/is at stake. I have this sort of, strong impulse, to want to be beautiful, and sexy. I'm sure lots of that is fueled by the fact that my husband had 'cyber-phone' affairs with women much younger than myself. (quite the blow at such a wrong time for me!!) I've heard that sexual desire decreases at menopause, but not for me...it's increased.

Also, the things that I valued 'before', I dont' value as much now, if at all. I don't 'serve' my family as I used to, nor do I enjoy doing so. In my defense, if I feel as if they don't expect me to do anything for them, then I will gladly do things for them. Does that make sense? Any comments?

MrsKramden · 05-22-2003, 12:20 PM

Hi Annie ~ Well, I analyzed what you speak of for my own life and , you know, it's just my opinion, but I think that we do change due to sociological factors which, at least I see it in my own life, seem to be the reason.

I think this is something which can only be answered by you, though.My libido has not changed and I didn't have depression all of a sudden. I feel reactive to social factors.My peri-menopause was really mostly physical things and the only thing I can think of that may have been psychological was the need to slow down, introvert because of not feeling good from the physical symptoms.

It's hard for me, because many people take me for much younger than my age.I feel the need to maintain that because now at almost 44, it's a good feeling to be taken for somene younger.I do have a supportive boyfriend.(Social factors)

But the thing about the looks is true. I've wanted to dye my hair lighter, do something. I don't know if that just comes from being tired of having the same traits so long, or what.

Some women do experience psychological changes, however, and they should be given attention. I am very socially driven and sometimes discount the biochemical factors. Middle age is a time of life change for many people.

annie7 · 05-22-2003, 06:39 PM

"I think that we do change due to sociological factors which, at least I see it in my own life, seem to be the reason. "----Very true; I totally agree and wish that I could sort of, rise above that fact..but the competition is there. You sound interesting..ever been married?

I think my depression (which is questionable) stems from the fact that I found out that my husband had a 'sex addiction" at the same time I was in the middle of menopause. I think it would have affected me that way menopause or not..

"Middle age is a time of life change for many people." --totally agreed mrskramdon...change is never comfortable..but different...obviously...i appreciate your responses....again..you sound interesting.

MrsKramden · 05-23-2003, 07:47 AM

Hi , Annie !

Thanks for the compliment.

No, I have never been married but I am with the same guy for ten years. Would rather have been married, though.

That is a heavy thing, no matter what addicton.You have to try to remember that it is his problem , though, and not see yourself as the reason or cause.We can't help but let it affect us at some point as we are in the relationship, too , and it does affect us. As much as we are in a relationship with husbands or boyfriends,however, we are individuals and a lot of stuff is the person's stuff -would be no matter whom they were with.

Is this something which you two are going to work out or are you contemplating ending the relationship ?Lots of decisions, I know, and changing hormones are the last thing that help.

Hang in there. You will be fine.

annie7 · 05-27-2003, 07:45 PM

Hi again mrskramden....and thanks for the reply and compassion! Yes, my husband and I are working very hard at saving our long marriage. He is the one, I must say, who has changed dramatically. It's a 'God' thing. He's at a men's meeting dealing with these sort of thing even as i type. He is considering writing his story because he says that in his addiction..he lost his heart. True! Anyway mrskramden..thanks for your interest.... (sounds like your man better marry you or he'll lose you..you're too good to be true! (how do you get those smiley icons?????--a smile for you here!)