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Old 07-30-2010, 11:46 PM   #1
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Questions about my bride (menopause)

I will be getting my bride to this board in order for her to begin conversing with some of you on the issue of menoapause. We(I) am not certain that she is beginning to enter menopause, but she has been very moody lately, with most of it being moderate to sever depression. I do not know that she's experienced the typical "hot flashes" but I find her responses to certain issues to be far more extensive that what I'm used to, or what it should be.

That said, the few minor details I can think of that may be of assistance to you folks is that my bride is 42 currently. She has never had any major health issues and it a stay-at-home mom of two boys (14 and 10). She and I, in my opinion, have an excellent marriage. We are each others best friends and are very close. However, we do bicker regularly, which has been increasing in the last 6 months to year.

I would appreciate some information from those who have gone before her (us) through menopause. I'd like to know approximately when it typically starts. I understand that all bodies are different and some women hit meno at 35 while others don't until they're 50+. I'd like to know what I can do to help her get through this difficult time in her life. I'd like to know what she can do to help herself. I'd like to know if there are tests that can be taken to indicate whether a woman is definitively in menopause.

Many thanks to all in advance.

Man in Mo.

 
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Old 07-31-2010, 06:51 AM   #2
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Re: Questions about my bride (menopause)

just to clear up a few things.
peri-menopause is the years leading up to menopause, maybe 10 years in all.
menopause is when periods stop for 12 months.
post menopause is the time after that magic 12 months and periods have ceased forever.
menopause usually happens around 52/53 years of age, that's when it happens to the majority of women. therefore, peri-menopause can start any time from 40 onwards, it's when hormones start to decrease but there aren't necessarily any symptoms.
my advice to you would be to get a book about it and read it with your wife, then you can talk about it together and she can decide for herself whether she wants to come here, rather than you 'getting her here'. she may have lots of reasons for the way she is right now, none of them anything to do with menopause.
talk to your wife.

 
Old 07-31-2010, 07:22 AM   #3
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Re: Questions about my bride (menopause)

Also, if she is on birth control pills, she may need to get a prescription change to one with more estrogen. I was on bcp when I went into peri and that's what my doc did.
If she isn't on them, she should talk with her gyno about that and other options as she goes thru this.

 
Old 07-31-2010, 09:13 AM   #4
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Re: Questions about my bride (menopause)

WOW! I would like to applaud you....she is a very lucky woman to have a man in her life that cares enough about her to come on a message board to get information to help her!!!

she is a very lucky woman

 
Old 07-31-2010, 11:25 AM   #5
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Re: Questions about my bride (menopause)

Take your wife on a date once a week! I bet it will make her feel better, menopausal
or not.

Sue

 
Old 07-31-2010, 06:39 PM   #6
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Re: Questions about my bride (menopause)

Man in MO: Get Dr. John Lee's books, "What your doctor won't tell you about menopause" and he's got one on perimenopause too. You can get her hormones tested by an endocrinologist and that will tell where she's at in all of this. Your PCP or Gyno won't do the test because they think it's too expensive.

She can try to do things like meditation and yoga to help her relax. Any type of exercise is good if she likes it. Massages are good too to help release tension and toxins in the body.

I think you're going to be in for a big change - that's why they call it THE CHANGE OF LIFE!!!!!!!! Her hormones are changing and hormones affect your brain more than you know.

She should also get her vitamin levels checked. Vit B12 is good for the nervous system and helps with depression and energy. She should also get her thyroid and blood sugars tested. When was the last time she had a blood workup done by her PCP?

Instead of looking in to estrogen, I'd go the other route. Look into progesterone. Progesterone is the calming hormone. She could rub a little on her wrists or thighs before going to bed. It will help her sleep better in case she's getting insomnia. Not getting enough sleep and dealing with kids is going to make her moody. The kids need to help out and take some of the load off of her. Even though she's a stay-at-home mom she still needs help and needs cooperation from everyone.

The words "Yes Dear" should become common to you. Just make her comfortable and don't make her ask 100 times for help for the same thing.

Do you go to church? If so, then you could ask to meet with the pastor for some counseling or even go to marriage and family counseling if it's useful.

Does she have any close friends that she can confide in? Any sisters or cousins that she's close to? Having someone to talk to can be a big help.

Alot of women going through menopause just want to be left alone alot too. They don't want to deal with alot of chaos and nonsense. Quiet times are the best. I know that's probably not going to happen with 2 boys ages 14 and 10. They need to be kept busy and that where you can come in. Keep them occupied, help them with their homework, take them out and away so she can have some time to do what she needs to do to keep revived.

She's lucky to have a caring, supportive husband. What about you? Do you have any sisters, etc. that have gone through this? Maybe you need to hook up with a men's group too that might be able to help you understand what other men have gone through. That's where the church people might be able to help you. Hook up with some older men and ask them what they did. I bet they'll say they just went and hid in their caves!!!! That's what my husband does. He hides in the cellar - away from me.

The divorce rate is high around this time of life so hang in there and things will get better. Be as supportive as you can be and help around the house alot more too.

 
Old 08-01-2010, 04:47 PM   #7
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Re: Questions about my bride (menopause)

Luckily, when I started in peri I was married to a molecular biologist who recognized what was happening and sent me to the gyno. Due to his background (taught at the medical school here in the physiology department!), I knew he knew his stuff. I was glad he mentioned it because I hadn't connected all the dots. I think a gently phrased and timed remark could be helpful.

 
Old 08-02-2010, 06:53 AM   #8
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Re: Questions about my bride (menopause)

That's too bad for you that your husband doesn't (didn't) care enough to find out what was wrong with his better half. I just started reading a few of the responses this AM and it feels like free-for-all of women beating up on men.

I simply came here to find out what is going on with my bride. I wanted to know if menopausal symptoms start out as early as 42. I wanted to know if there were steps I could take to help. In short, I want to help my woman in any way possible.

She has no faith in the medical profession as she's gone to a number of doctors for varying symptoms and ailments over the years. She has felt let down my them all, as do I for the most part.

It sounds as though some of you are bitter and perhaps this board isn't suited for men, but this was a step I took in order to begin getting my bride some help. I have given her my username and password so hopefully she'll come on this site, even to this post, and ferret out some answers for herself. For her sake, I hope so. For those who just want to beat up the male for trying to understand what's going on in his wifes mind/body, I feel sorry for you.

Regardless, I am going to help my bride help herself and I'm going to get her help if there is help to be gotten. Thank you so much for nothing.

 
Old 08-02-2010, 06:58 AM   #9
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Re: Questions about my bride (menopause)

For the love of God it has nothing to do with an "appropriate" response or anything of that nature. I was simply trying to say that she hasn't been acting at all the way she'd acted or responded to the same kind of situation in the past. Last night I had to beg her to go out and have ice cream with a woman from our church group. She just isn't herself and I was just looking for advice/suggestions.

I will say I'm certainly glad to have the woman I do have (we've been married ~ 21 years and have been together much longer) and not someone whose ready to pounce on the first unsuspecting soul that comes along, asking dumb questions.

 
Old 08-02-2010, 08:09 AM   #10
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Re: Questions about my bride (menopause)

I honestly didn't read your post initially. I do thank you for the information. As for me, no, I don't have any siblings or any family within 1000 miles of where we live. That's been our lot in life for over a decade. I have a good job but it has taken us away from the part of the country we love (southeast). That said, I do understand that she will need time to herself and she'll have to get used to the "new norm" if she is going through menopause.

I originally posted because I have no idea what the symptoms are, I don't know when it typically begins, I don't know what to do to help, and I don't know what to do. Once again, I appreciate your post.

 
Old 08-02-2010, 08:16 AM   #11
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Re: Questions about my bride (menopause)

I do appreciate the definitions. I am not trying to make me wife go anywhere. That would be fruitless. She is her own person and always has been. The issue is, she doesn't take care of herself like she should. She's too wrapped up in taking care of the kids and worrying about others to take time for herself. My only concern was trying to get her some help, and trying to educate myself.

I presume if she has anything, that it's perimenopause, not the full-blown thing. Still, she is suffering and I just want her better.

 
Old 08-02-2010, 09:50 AM   #12
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Re: Questions about my bride (menopause)

i apologise both to the moderator and to the original poster if my comments were taken as 'rude', they were certainly not meant to be, i am not in the habit of making what i would consider 'rude' postings. however i am forthright in my comments and accept that not everyone appreciates this.
again, my apologies, i will not contribute further to this thread.

 
Old 08-02-2010, 01:24 PM   #13
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Re: Questions about my bride (menopause)

Quote:
Originally Posted by man in MO View Post
I do appreciate the definitions. I am not trying to make me wife go anywhere. That would be fruitless. She is her own person and always has been. The issue is, she doesn't take care of herself like she should. She's too wrapped up in taking care of the kids and worrying about others to take time for herself. My only concern was trying to get her some help, and trying to educate myself.

I presume if she has anything, that it's perimenopause, not the full-blown thing. Still, she is suffering and I just want her better.
You are already helping her....being understanding is the most important thing to any woman in any situation in their life. Just be there to listen to her and be there for her

 
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