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Old 12-22-2010, 07:00 PM   #1
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Partner who has gone through menopause.

Ok, so i'm 19, and with a partner who is 46, she has gone through menopause and I accept that, we live a long distance away from eachother but meet every month or so which I really enjoy, it makes it even more special when we do meet.

We have met twice so far, but what is troubling me is the fact that each time we have met, and have made love quite alot of times in the few days of being together, (have both been lonely for a long time, me 3 years and her 7 years). Each time she has been with me, she has had Cistitis (possibly spelt wrong). I know that the menopause could possibly make a woman not be able to have sex again from being too dry, but each time we make love she is not dry at all..

Is there any way we can stop this from happening? Is it from having sex too often? From it being too rough?

Any ideas would be great, I feel like it is my fault for her getting ill each time we have met so far, and don't want her to be in that position again.

Thank you in advance..

EDIT: She went through the menopause at the age of 40.

Last edited by Unknown91; 12-22-2010 at 07:02 PM.

 
Old 12-22-2010, 08:12 PM   #2
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Re: Partner who has gone through menopause.

Sorry if this is in the wrong board, will someone move it to the correct board if so.

 
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Old 12-24-2010, 08:26 PM   #3
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Re: Partner who has gone through menopause.

Not sure how to answer that. I haven't had that happen yet but I am sure some women have. It seems like the right place for you to post this. Maybe someone will answer. All the best to you and your partner.
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Old 12-24-2010, 09:21 PM   #4
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Re: Partner who has gone through menopause.

Menopause itself does not cause a women to be unable to have sex, by any means.

Now the cystitis is another story. It can be caused by several things.

Forceful sex is one culprit, bruising the bladder and creating the urinary pain.

Other reasons are bacterial, which need to be treated with medication.

Have you asked her if she has seen an OB/gyn for the proper diagnosis? That would be the first step.

Do not blame yourself, instead educate yourself about the condition and encourage her to get herself in for proper treatment.

Best wishes to you.

 
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Old 12-26-2010, 06:11 PM   #5
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Re: Partner who has gone through menopause.

Quote:
Originally Posted by writeleft View Post
Menopause itself does not cause a women to be unable to have sex, by any means.

Now the cystitis is another story. It can be caused by several things.

Forceful sex is one culprit, bruising the bladder and creating the urinary pain.

Other reasons are bacterial, which need to be treated with medication.

Have you asked her if she has seen an OB/gyn for the proper diagnosis? That would be the first step.

Do not blame yourself, instead educate yourself about the condition and encourage her to get herself in for proper treatment.

Best wishes to you.
Thank you for taking the time to write a reply, the only reason I thought she may have contracted Cystitis due to us having sex after she has gone through menopause, is because when I was reading up on Cystitis, it said there was a higher chance of getting it after going through menopause.

Thanks alot for your time & effort to reply, will talk to her about going for a proper diagnosis for it.

 
Old 12-27-2010, 12:42 AM   #6
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Re: Partner who has gone through menopause.

Although menopause may play a role in cystitis, the underlying cause is the part that needs to be treated in order for her to overcome this condition.

it sounds as if she may have a chronic case, if she has had it every time you have been intimate. This is something she needs to have properly diagnosed and treated.

I can understand your concerns. I don't think I would feel comfortable in a sexual relationship with a woman who is ill "down there". Is there a possibility of you being affected or infected?

I did read something called "Honeymoon Bladder" in which a woman gets cystitis when she has a new or great increase in her sexual activity. Left untreated, cystitis can cause damage to the kidneys, the urinary tract, the bladder, and can become serious. I would likely hold of on the sex until she gets this under control, but that is just me.

How does she react to the condition? Is it something that happens following your visits? Or does she have the symptoms before you arrive coincidentally on your two visits? has she seen her doctor about this at any time?

I would put the menopause part of this aside, and concentrate on the condition itself. Best to you!

 
Old 12-27-2010, 03:27 AM   #7
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Re: Partner who has gone through menopause.

The first visit she had it just before travelling home, and the second visit she had it after 2 days of being here.
It's not every time we are intimate, but like you say, possibly from an increase in sexually activity, a high increase in this case.
She reacts in the way that she needs to go to the toilet much more than often, and when she does, it burns, she gets a temperature, very agitated.
And yes, she went to the doctor about it (had to go to the hospital together because she was in such agony), and he said to start using capsule lubricant things each time before we have sex, put them inside the vagina and it helps with lubricant.
We discussed this, and she is happy to try them out next time we meet, would this make a difference do you think? Or would it still happen.

Thanks again

Last edited by hb-mod; 12-27-2010 at 04:07 AM. Reason: Removed Quote. Please use "QUICK reply" rather than "QUOTE reply". Thanks!

 
Old 12-27-2010, 11:36 AM   #8
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Re: Partner who has gone through menopause.

Oh, poor thing, it sounds awful. It is very sweet of you to try and gather as much information as you can to help her.

As much as I want to give you the answers you need, I only know what I have read since first responding to your post. I agree, the info on the net was pretty sparse.

My recommendation is to re-post your original question on the "womens health" board that can be found on the "find a board" tab above, on the right in the blue stripe across the top. Make sure to use the word "cystitis" in the title of your post so it will attract women who have suffered with this themselves.

I did read in the web info that some women can get it from bubble baths, soaps and irritants to the vaginal area. I would make sure any lube you choose, be very delicate, hypo allergenic, and non-scented, just in case it could further irritate the area.

If you do post a new thread, will you let me know so I can follow along there too? I am very interested in how this turns out for you and your lady friend. We will continue to seek the answers together, until you are satisfied, OK?

janet

 
Old 12-27-2010, 06:13 PM   #9
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Re: Partner who has gone through menopause.

Quote:
Originally Posted by writeleft View Post
Oh, poor thing, it sounds awful. It is very sweet of you to try and gather as much information as you can to help her.

As much as I want to give you the answers you need, I only know what I have read since first responding to your post. I agree, the info on the net was pretty sparse.

My recommendation is to re-post your original question on the "womens health" board that can be found on the "find a board" tab above, on the right in the blue stripe across the top. Make sure to use the word "cystitis" in the title of your post so it will attract women who have suffered with this themselves.

I did read in the web info that some women can get it from bubble baths, soaps and irritants to the vaginal area. I would make sure any lube you choose, be very delicate, hypo allergenic, and non-scented, just in case it could further irritate the area.

If you do post a new thread, will you let me know so I can follow along there too? I am very interested in how this turns out for you and your lady friend. We will continue to seek the answers together, until you are satisfied, OK?

janet
Thanks again for your help, you are such a kind, warm hearted person from what I can tell, need more people to be like you in this world.

Have taken your advice and copied my original post into the Women's health board, really appreciate your help Janet, and I wish you all the best happiness and health in the new year.

Jim

Last edited by Unknown91; 12-27-2010 at 06:14 PM.

 
Old 12-27-2010, 08:01 PM   #10
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Re: Partner who has gone through menopause.

Thanks for the very kind words Jim. It is my pleasure to help, and receiving such a warm response makes me all the happier. I love the opportunity to help, even if only for support. We all need a helping hand at times.

I will follow along your new thread too, and hoping there will be some responses that are more specific from women who have gone through this themselves.

Again, I think you are a very caring and thoughtful man. I wish you and your lady the best.

 
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