Join Date: Sep 2011
Depression or PMS?
I have always had very fluctuating moods since a child and have been to numerous Doctors and been theorized with having numerous different things which means to this day and age...that I am - like many I am sure - suffering, existing, fighting this "thing" daily with minimal reprieve at random times.
I am now 28 and have been on a host of different anti-depressants- seen various psychiatrists who have told me on various occasions that "I am taking the treatment so there isn't anything else they can recommend".
I suffer from depression, which varies from a constant tolerable low, to bouts of "normal" to seriously life impinging lows that have on occasion led me to do some very silly things or almost very silly things of which you can probably guess. Despite my logic at the time telling me that these are "very silly things".
I have had various blood tests, but have been tested for anemia, diabetes and vitamin deficiencies. My results have come back borderline normal / not enough to contribute to my symptoms of ;
*Continued fatigue - which varies day to day, sometimes I sleep all day, sometimes i cannot sleep at all. Sometimes before I am due on I cannot sleep 3-4 days prior, no matter what sleeping aids I use. It drives me mad. Other times all I do is sleep, the fatigue is mind numbing. I wake up feeling exhausted, I get cold easily, my feet and hands and nose especially during these times.
*Depression - which swings from genearl low mood to suicidal idealisation
* Anxiety which nothing can cure, no amount of cigarettes or alcohol - it is constant and sometimes i feel like I am going crazy
* Mood swings which no amount of exercise, chocolate or positive reinforcement can help.
*Migraines a couple of days before my period and during, neck ache, teeth grinding, light sensitivity, nausea. I have found taking tension headache tablets works well for this.
Sometimes two weeks before I can become overly aggressive, anxious and hyper only to fizzle out into the above a couple of days prior to my period and during. It's a repetitive cycle that some months I deal with better than others.
However, due to my instability in moods I do not count myself as a reliable individual, despite the fact that I am very driven and when I do have a "good day" I am very productive, motivated, positive, the patience of a saint. And it is these "good" days that I wished were my constant norm -but they aren't. As you can imagine this effects my life socially and my work life. The days when I am "really down" are the worst and having to survive a normal work day sometimes is enough to make me want to have a nervous breakdown.
Because of this I will not have a relationship, I don't think it is fair or right to have anyone else suffer this with me. I find it a trial on the good days, who am I to let someone else suffer this too?This is just my personal opinion about myself not anyone else!
I have been on Estrogen pill, but had to stop taking it as it made my migraines worse, with facial numbness.
I have been on provera, and deprovera which made me gain considerable weight and didn't feel like it did anything apart from stop me bleeding each month.
I have taken more antidepressants than I can name, I have also taken mood stabilizers which just made me tired and washed out with no benefits that I could see. They were good for the times that I had very bad insomnia, but the wash out the following day just isn't worth it.
I am having another blood test this December (it's the earliest they could get me) as my skin has become greasier than normal of late and also I "think" that my face is hairier? As the Doctor said when I mention this, it's all relative to each person.
I get times when I am always hungry and crave things like sugar and salty foods, to times when I have no appetite at all. The times when I have little appetite seems to come at the same time when I am feeling "ok" whilst the food addiction seems to come on when I am feeling down or anxious. During my productive times, when I don't crave sweets or salty foods, I am full of energy and have a positive outlook, waking is easy, sleep a little more difficult but manageable.
Some of you are probably reading this thinking it is depression? And you could be right, I have posted in depression forums, and been on so many meds for this for depression with little benefit despite being on the highest recommended doses that part of me now is just questioning "is it really depression?"
My father is going through a sex change at the moment and is taking estrogen tablets. He has been diagnosed with Chronic fatigue syndrome. But I don't think I have this as it is not hereditary. he had a lot of glandular issues when he was younger.
My aunt has had her womb and ovaries removed due to cancer and also her thyroid.
My two cousins have also had there ovaries, cervix and womb removed due to different types of suspected cancerous cysts.
The one cousin who had her tubes removed has now also been diagnosed with MS.
However, my mother does not have any history or these problems, neither does my sister. BUT my mother is very temperamental with her moods, suffering from motivation issues sometimes as well.
She cannot eat large or "normal" amounts of food without falling asleep, and so if very skinny as she will only eat one meal a day. I find that if I eat certain foods I also have issues with staying awake.
Allergies, I take antihistamine for hay fever and other pollen related allergies.
The Cymbalta at 60mg for depression.
I also have memory issues at times.
I guess I am posting here to ask whether this sounds like anything to anyone? Whether anyone has had similar? And gotten help? it seems that once the "d" word is mentioned, anything you complain about afterward is purely another manifestation of that. And by that I mean depression.
My diet, I eat salmon and mackerel - red meat I find is too heavy although I will occasionally eat lamb and also chicken. I eat plenty of fresh vegetables and leafy greens. I consume plenty of water.
I don't eat many sweets (apart from chocolate when I crave it badly)
I exercise regularly, cycling, running and hiking. These seem to be the bare minimums that I need to maintain to have a passable existence.
I also take supplements like black cohash and also evening primrose oil as well as multivitamins and also a multi b vitamin supplement.
I also take Korean ginseng and ginkgo Bilbao
When I am highly fatigued the only thing that gets me through the day is caffeine, I know that it is not good, but it is what gets me through the day. I have tried no caffeine and the results were not tolerable or good for my mental stability.
What makes me afraid / annoyed is that the Dr's know all this and yet each day I continue as do we all, suffering like we do.
I am now contemplating asking the Dr about chemical hysterectomy?
Does anyone have any advice?