When this all started back in July, I never would have guessed what a crazy, life-changing journey this would be. At that time, my doctor told me I would go into menopause very soon if I didn't go on HRT right away. What?! I was only 41! I was shocked.
Since then, I have felt confused, angry, frustrated, sad, depressed, anxious, scared, and self-pity. I thought this was the beginning of the end. I thought, "My life is over." It's all downhill from here. Everything will just decrease and diminish until I die. The best years of my life is over. What's the point of going on? But I had no choice but to keep going on. And I figured I would try to be a positive as I could.
August and September were really a struggle. I had all sorts of symptoms: fatigue, dizziness, nausea, heart palpitations, anxiety... Some days were hell. October and November things gradually started to get better. The horrible mornings were gone and I wasn't totally exhausted all the time. By December, I was starting to feel like myself again. Most days, I had some energy and motivation. I was so happy and relieved.
Now that my body was feeling more stable, I could pay attention to what what going on in my mind and soul. I realized lots of stuff was coming up; unresolved issues from my childhood and my 20's. Things I hadn't thought about for years. I started writing in a journal and writing down my dreams.
I still felt kind of sad about the person I was leaving behind but I now felt excited about the woman I was becoming. I felt some acceptance, some peace. I can now see myself as a butterfly emerging from its cocoon.
It's not the end after all, but the beginning of a whole new chapter in my life! This is really an opportunity--without old baggage holding me back, I can reach my fullest potential. I need to embrace this spiritual awakening. The dream I had last night told me loud and clear that the most important thing is just WAKE UP and live fully present in the now.
I truly hope that you, too, can wake up to the wonderful unfolding that is happening to you. Remember that underneath all of those symptoms, there is a woman who will spread her glorious wings and fly again.
Be peaceful and be well.