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Old 08-08-2012, 10:00 PM   #1
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Insecurity regarding (sorry)... penis size... ugh

There is a woman that I'm kinda interested in, and she is constantly flirting with me, hinting that she wants more than to just be friends, and being sexually suggestive. She often brags about her libido, etc, and how she is really good in bed.

Well, I am—or shall I say—WAS, just a stone's throw away from giving a relationship a try (holding hands, cuddling, first kiss, etc), until something happened. I was flirting with her, and pretending to have a condom in my pocket, when in fact it was a poker chip. I just flashed it really quickly and said, "Guess what I got when I was on vacation?" Soon she realized it was just a poker chip, then said, "Wow, if that were a condom, that would be really sad." Now, I know how large a rolled-up condom is, and the average one really is about the size of a poker chip. So I felt badly because I'm not really large (only 4.3" long and 4" around). I quickly said, "Well, if you think that's sad, if it were a condom it would fit me just fine." I said this to kind of break the ice that I'm not big. She just quickly said, "Whoa, TMI."

Then, later that very evening, we were alone talking at her place, and somehow the conversation of "size matters" came up. She said, "Oh, that what guys like to say (referring to 'size doesn't matter'). Girls just say that it doesn't matter to make guys feel good. It matters, honey."

Wow. That certainly took the sails out of my desire to begin an intimate relationship with her...and my self-esteem. She basically, without knowing it, called my size "sad." I have been severely depressed over this for two days. If I ever did get intimate with her, I would feel insecure, like she would laugh at me (at least on the inside).

She cares about me a lot, and we've shared a lot about each others' personal lives. I know she wants to start a relationship. Problem is, she HAS noticed that I've been depressed the past couple of days, and she wants to know why I'm so glum. Gosh, do I tell her? "Hey, when you made those remarks, you made me feel so insecure. Why? Because I really am below average, and you already told me that 'size really does matter' and implied that a regular sized condom is 'sad.'

Here's a shocker: we're both in our late 30's. I know this might seem juvenile for me to be posting this at my age—perhaps you'd expect this from a teenager—but feeling are feelings, and men are insecure about this at any age.

How do I handle this? If I tell her, it will be super-awkward for both of us. If I don't tell that what she said hurt me, I can't clear the air about an issue I am insecure and depressed about.

I welcome all advice, especially from women.

Please...no hurtful posts. Thanks.

 
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Old 08-09-2012, 08:19 AM   #2
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Re: Insecurity regarding (sorry)...penis size..ugh

If she said that size matters, you need to forget about her. It won't work out. She obviously like it big which sucks! I saw 4.5 and up is just fine for women. You are 4.3, but still close to 4'5, so you're fine. If you are overweight or gain a lot then you should try exercising and eating healthy. The size may increase. I am not sure about this though! Tell her that you have it below avg. If she really likes you, size shouldn't matter.

Last edited by VeganRAw; 08-09-2012 at 08:21 AM.

 
Old 08-10-2012, 07:04 AM   #3
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Re: Insecurity regarding (sorry)... penis size... ugh

whykiki, it could be that the woman you're flirting with is just as insecure as you. If this is the case, and you're still interested in her, pursue the relationship. There is no need to discuss penis size with her -- let her judge you on your other attributes and discover what a good lover you are if sexual intimacy eventually happens.

Anyone who makes a guy feel bad because of the size of his penis isn't worth knowing.
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Old 08-10-2012, 08:12 AM   #4
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Re: Insecurity regarding (sorry)... penis size... ugh

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fles View Post
whykiki, it could be that the woman you're flirting with is just as insecure as you. If this is the case, and you're still interested in her, pursue the relationship. There is no need to discuss penis size with her -- let her judge you on your other attributes and discover what a good lover you are if sexual intimacy eventually happens.

Anyone who makes a guy feel bad because of the size of his penis isn't worth knowing.
Agreed! But he had a poker chip and she said "Wow, if that were a condom, that would be really sad." So now he is insecure. When someone is in love, size won't matter. I don't know what she's talking about.

 
Old 08-13-2012, 07:17 PM   #5
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Re: Insecurity regarding (sorry)... penis size... ugh

Female interpretation: In fun banter you told her your approximate size. In the same window of time, the conversation went further to her telling you she likes/needs a larger man. I don't think this was accidental. It wasn't like the conversations happened weeks apart. I think she is fully aware of what she is telling you and expecting that you will now, with the actual and full data, either pursue or drop.

I agree that if you are otherwise interested enough to give it a shot, you might as well move on and see where it goes. But I am of a pretty strong opinion that she has told you where you need to be for her to be interested.

I can't say why this is her requirement as everyone is different. Everyone has different sexual turn ons. I know men who think nothing of turning down a flat chested woman who would be mortified if they were turned down due to penis size. It's just that the breast size is usually easier and more gracefully handled before it gets to a more intimate level. Have you ever rejected an otherwise fine woman because something about her didn't work for you? Well, that's all it really boils down to. Would you be less emotionally impacted if you were 5-8 and she wanted a man closer to 6 foot tall? What if she had a thing for feet and she considered yours ugly? Try not to make this more of an issue than it is. Just another case where the physical defines a big part of the failure or success of the relationship.

 
Old 08-14-2012, 05:17 AM   #6
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Re: Insecurity regarding (sorry)... penis size... ugh

AllandNothing has raised a mirror to my face and my face is red with embarrassment. I thank her for her wisdom. I thank her for pointing out that the original conversation was mere "fun banter". I wish to rescind the priggish comments in my previous post.
Quote:
Try not to make this more of an issue than it is. Just another case where the physical defines a big part of the failure or success of the relationship.
How true! I will inscribe those sentences on my heart.

AllandNothing is a treasure.
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Old 10-13-2012, 06:23 PM   #7
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Re: Insecurity regarding (sorry)... penis size... ugh

just flat out ask her, say, " I was thinking of pursuing a relationship with you, a romantic one, but it seems you are only interested in guys with a certain endowment, is that right?", it's no shame involved unless you treat it that way.
then you can move on and find a nice petite (small) woman that doesn't want a "large" guy that will make sex painful~ its not that you have the wrong key, you maybe just have the wrong keyhole~
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Old 10-13-2012, 07:04 PM   #8
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Re: Insecurity regarding (sorry)... penis size... ugh

Quote:
Originally Posted by inmiami View Post
just flat out ask her, say, " I was thinking of pursuing a relationship with you, a romantic one, but it seems you are only interested in guys with a certain endowment, is that right?", it's no shame involved unless you treat it that way.
then you can move on and find a nice petite (small) woman that doesn't want a "large" guy that will make sex painful~ its not that you have the wrong key, you maybe just have the wrong keyhole~
Well said. Get an asian girl, they are cute and smart .

 
Old 10-14-2012, 05:24 AM   #9
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Re: Insecurity regarding (sorry)... penis size... ugh

Quote:
Originally Posted by inmiami View Post
just flat out ask her, say, " I was thinking of pursuing a relationship with you, a romantic one, but it seems you are only interested in guys with a certain endowment, is that right?", it's no shame involved unless you treat it that way.
then you can move on and find a nice petite (small) woman that doesn't want a "large" guy that will make sex painful~ its not that you have the wrong key, you maybe just have the wrong keyhole~
Uh, well, except that the physical size of a woman has nothing to do with the size, strength and elasticity of the vagina, good plan. You find an tiny woman who's had 3 kids and you might find yourself very disappointed in the key hole.

Just a little warning in case someone takes this seriously.

Now I'm going to go off to look for a man who's over 6 feet tall because we all know that means he's hung, right???

 
Old 10-14-2012, 05:49 AM   #10
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Re: Insecurity regarding (sorry)... penis size... ugh

Quote:
Originally Posted by AllandNothing View Post
Uh, well, except that the physical size of a woman has nothing to do with the size, strength and elasticity of the vagina, good plan. You find an tiny woman who's had 3 kids and you might find yourself very disappointed in the key hole.

Just a little warning in case someone takes this seriously.

Now I'm going to go off to look for a man who's over 6 feet tall because we all know that means he's hung, right???
Good points but Yes, most guys over 6 feet tall are on the larger than average penis size...its mostly proportional and If you find a woman thats had 3 kids, she'll be glad to have ANY man step into that situation, the size of his pecker should be the last thing she considers...you dont think a woman thats 6'2" has an elongated vaginal canal? really?OK, if he's smart, he'll seek a woman that hasn't had 5 kids and all the other baggage that comes with that (the kids, the ex, ex family, etc) still, I say, look for a woman under 5' 4"...she will be quite satisfied with an average guy...and yes, having a good personality, a great sense of humor and being nice and considerate help a LOT~
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Old 10-15-2012, 11:34 AM   #11
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Re: Insecurity regarding (sorry)... penis size... ugh

Quote:
Originally Posted by inmiami View Post
Good points but Yes, most guys over 6 feet tall are on the larger than average penis size...its mostly proportional and If you find a woman thats had 3 kids, she'll be glad to have ANY man step into that situation, the size of his pecker should be the last thing she considers...you dont think a woman thats 6'2" has an elongated vaginal canal? really?OK, if he's smart, he'll seek a woman that hasn't had 5 kids and all the other baggage that comes with that (the kids, the ex, ex family, etc) still, I say, look for a woman under 5' 4"...she will be quite satisfied with an average guy...and yes, having a good personality, a great sense of humor and being nice and considerate help a LOT~
Having wandered far off topic to imaging what a woman with several children need to be prepared to settle for, I actually want to understand your logic.

I think the issue with the original woman was simply that she liked a large penis. It was just her thing. That said.....

Almost all nerve endings in the vagina are near the bottom (exit). The upper 2/3's have almost no nerve endings which is believed to be so that birth is less painful. So to your logic, yes a tall woman would have a longer vagina. But if the nerves are all at the bottom, why does that matter? Girth, maybe would matter. But what about that length thing for the man. Can a man with a short penis actually feel those additional inches of vagina at the top that they are not able to fill up?

And I'm not incredibly experienced but the two tallest men were the two smallest. Maybe that's why height has never been big on my list of must haves.

 
Old 10-15-2012, 03:46 PM   #12
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Re: Insecurity regarding (sorry)... penis size... ugh

Quote:
Originally Posted by AllandNothing View Post
Having wandered far off topic to imaging what a woman with several children need to be prepared to settle for, I actually want to understand your logic.

I think the issue with the original woman was simply that she liked a large penis. It was just her thing. That said.....

Almost all nerve endings in the vagina are near the bottom (exit). The upper 2/3's have almost no nerve endings which is believed to be so that birth is less painful. So to your logic, yes a tall woman would have a longer vagina. But if the nerves are all at the bottom, why does that matter? Girth, maybe would matter. But what about that length thing for the man. Can a man with a short penis actually feel those additional inches of vagina at the top that they are not able to fill up?

And I'm not incredibly experienced but the two tallest men were the two smallest. Maybe that's why height has never been big on my list of must haves.
also good points, but our personal experiences don't provide clinical evidence or scientific evidence one way or the other...anyways, just forget the size issue and enjoy a woman for her company~
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