missbethers

hi there... I feel your pain. It is very hard to reach out for help. I know I've tried a few times and been totally dissapointed. Many Docs don't want to touch BPD with a 10 ft pole. It's messy, and complicated. What I can say though is that I have been able to find good help. After many tries elsewhere I was referred to a nearby hospital that has a behavioral health program. In that program, I have seen a psych, gotten on proper meds, and learned many things in group therapy sessions. Don't get me wrong, this is hard stuff, I actually felt more unstable the 1st week. But it got better. I am learning better coping techniques, and learning to be mindful of my thought process and how to redirect those thoughts to something more positive. I started as a "partial hospitalization" (five days a wk, 5hrs a day) I am now going three days a wk, three hrs each. Although some people come more, some less (depends on what you need). You may need to sign a no harm contract, especially if you are a cutter (which I am). But I'm learning to replace those bad coping mechanisms with healthier ones. So my advice would be to check out the 4 closest hospitals near you and see if they have a behavioral health program. If they do, they may also have a program like this. It may or may not work for you, but I can tell you that it helped me a lot. Believe that you are worth getting help. There are some things in this world we have to surrender to and one of them is that you can not do this alone. This doesn't mean your not strong, but sometimes we all need help from others. If you do find one of these programs, you've got to give it a fair chance for it to help (at least 2 weeks, at first it may not seem to be helping, but things can turn around). Sorry to babble, I wish you lots of luck in finding help. An important thing to remember is not to give up, docs are people too and some of them are incompetent, some are jerks, some are just clueless, but some are really good, and finding that person takes some time.

Best wishes

Also, don't be so hard on yourself, if you try to call and hang up, that's ok, you can always try again later. Realize too, that you call the shots, just calling does not mean you're commiting yourself to something.