Am I a glutton for punishment... - Mental Health Message Board

madcat · 05-18-2004, 08:52 PM

Can someone help me put this in perspective? In my group of friends, we are always cutting each other down. I always feel as though I rotate to the people who want to try and break me down at any given moment for a good laugh. Even if it's nothing personal, it's enough to get a laugh out of anyone who is around.

To myself, I think I shouldn't have to defend myself from truly insecure jokes/comments. I feel confident in who I am, yet I do have a bit of OCD so I think about the implications all the time. For example, by not defending myself do I let others feel superior to me.

You see, if I am able to know myself and not be affected by stupid or rude- *** comments, should I be defending myself to save face? Do you know what I mean...? Or are they the ones that end up looking stupid in the long run? Just trying to sort this out. Is it better to defend myself from a ridiculous joke than to just carry on with my day as if nothing happened. I believe they can say what the will, but can't change the way I feel.

Only it does because I think obsessively about it when it happens. I'm not affected on the whole, just in the mind.

hry33 · 05-19-2004, 03:29 PM

OCD is caused by stress and abxiety so learning to relax and not being so defensive will help

Delusionofdolor · 05-19-2004, 09:47 PM

In middle school I had the same problem. In middle school I was an outcast, until 7th grade when somehow I developed some friendships within a group of people. A boy in the group dared me to pretend to "hump a tree" on some fieldtrip so I did jokingly because I thought I would get a light-hearted reaction from it. Instead he took it as the perfect opportunity to alienate me from the rest of the group and make me the joke. He would constantly call me names and everyday he would say that I was ugly and stupid. I didn't know what to do, and didn't want to look like a fool, so even though it hurt my feelings I went along and laughed about it. It got to the point where I had to talk to the administrator about it because he was so mean and persistant about it. Heh, now turns out he's one of the biggest losers in the school, and the group that I previously hung out with is a dumb looked down upon clique. In highschool I had decided to change and find friends that represent me, and I did. I'm very close to them to this day. My point is, don't let people beat u down, you need to stick up for yourself so they know it's not ok. The group of people will go along with it because of group mentality. It's good to have someone to look down upon so everyone else doesn't become looked down upon for something. At the start of an insult u need to let them know it's not ok.

alphamale9009 · 05-22-2004, 02:04 AM

Defend yourself. If you don't it will lower your self-esteem because you had the power to do it, you wanted to do it, and you didn't, it's just that simple. If you truly aren't bothered by it, you wouldn't be posting about it, it bothers you and if you don't do something about it, you will hate yourself a little for it.
If you find that you are attracted to people who treat you this way, this is an issue you need to deal with. Probably a parent did this to you and you didn't have the power to defend yourself and now you are acting out the same situation waiting for someone to see what evil they are doing, or waiting to finally get your revenge. In any case you put yourself in the same sitation so you can relive something in your life that you regret. By remaining the victim, you remain in the "right" but you sacrifice some self-esteem. Try playing the other role by climbing to the top of the heap in this silly game and see how you feel.

alpha