Could There Be A Connection Here? - Mental Health Message Board

Dreamer3866 · 06-04-2004, 07:59 PM

Hi, I'm a 38 year old male.

Since 1992 I've had 'burning' calf muscle pain that has required more and more painkiller and numerous other approaches have been tried to calm or solve it.
It is like both calfs are being held under a naked flame and I cannot remove them such is the pain! It began in 1992 with burning, tingling feet and migrated up both calf muscles and they began twitching and rippling by themselves. It is now no longer in my feet, just my calf muscles. I have seen all types and sorts of Dr's and no answer other than it could be a neuropathy of unknown origin.

However when I was 3-8 I had shocking child abuse metered out to me by a stepfather. I only began to remember it when I was 21-22 and I fear the worst is still yet to be remembered. It has been verified by old neighbours and friends who saw things that "they didn't want to see" as these things just didn't happen back in the 1970's right?

When the foot/leg/calf pain began my daughter was the same age that I was when the abuse began for me! It could be a coincidence but still it seems like a pretty big one to me! I have now suffered this pain for 12 years and it has stuffed up my life good and proper. I saw a therapist for 3 years but in reflecting we never really hit on the right channels. I dissocaite badly and that comes of the abuse and DID is suspected but not verified yet.

Has anyone else had symptoms that are crippling that may have come from their abuse as a child? I just don't know where else to turn and wether to believe that the mind is that powerful?

Any replies would be appreciated,

Sam

zimnah · 06-04-2004, 08:57 PM

Hi Sam:
If you have already ruled out the neurologic possibilities, then I have to suggest you may be dealing with a PTSD issue (post traumatic stress disorder). I urge you to continue with Dr's to rule out any other issues, but the fact that you day the symptoms began when your daughter was the same age as you were when you suffered abuse..that can be a pretty powerful trigger for PTSD symptoms. It took me many years to even remember what I'd survived...it was horrific enough to block out. Completely. I would suggest strongly that you seek therapy with the idea that this may be a trauma that your brain is not yet ready to deal with. Given the fact that even the neighbours don't want to discuss it...keep a stiff upper lip, but seek therapy.
Good luck. I wish you well.
Zimmie

Dreamer3866 · 06-04-2004, 10:18 PM

Thanks Zimnah,

As far as my Dr is concerned and the neuro specialists the neurologic possibilities have been ruled out with MRI's and EMG tests and the such.
It is coincidental that it began when my daughter was 2-3 and this is when my abuse began as a child and yes there is a whole lot more there that I don't remember and many blanks in my memory, eg: I have no memory of becoming a teenager in that I don't recall pubic hair growth or my voice changing! I don't remember having friends around from ages 4-12 when family tell me so and so always used to come over and you guys would play all day!
Maybe it is a trigger issue but you have no idea how bad this pain is and I can't accept in many ways that it can be psychological. I went back to where I used to live when the abuse began a few years back as my mother left the stepfather when I was 8 and talked to the neighbours who were still there and they did recall shocking abuse but didn't see the worst stuff! So I know there are things that are backed up by 3rd parties!
I would be interested in hearing about your experiences and am sorry there are people like us. I look at my daughter and realise how open and well-adjusted she is and see that I never had a chance!!! But by god she's been treated with 100% love and care and never so much been smacked! I want to be the opposite of the stepfather and find it hard to see how someone could do things to a little kid!
Maybe my brain isn't ready to deal with it all yet.........any ideas as to remember more?
I went to a shrink at age 23 (now 38) and when she asked about my childhood I actually said it was just the norm! When she dug a bit and said Oh that was terrible I realised on god yeah I guess it was! Since then I have remembered so much more but this pain really gets me!!?
I am seeking more theraphy too and thanks for your reply,

Sam