sophecles4

Hi everyone, this is long and i apoligize but i really need some help.
I have had a social anxeity problem for several years. I am a 22 year old female. Throughout high school i think i had it, but it wasnt as bad as it is now. In college it became progressivley worse. I would go to parties (very rarely) and just sit there in silence, i have NEVER raised my hand in class. I only really spoke to people if i was drunk. I went to these parties with my boyfriend (obviously i had no problem talking to him). I didn't make one friend in college that i hung out with regularly. SO in college i was pretty bad but now i am even worse. I work in a place that is pretty laid back (you can kinda make up your own hours but really your suppossed to work from 8 to 4:30). I have been toying with the idea of working nights when no one else is there so i don't have to see anyone. I dont like leaving my desk during the day because i dont want people to see me. I mean, obviously I have to sometimes ( to smoke or run around and do work). I swear everyone thinks im a weirdo/psycho. Maybe i look crazy or something. But its like when i walk past people and they smile and say hi i think they are smiling because they are trying not to laugh at me or that they are thinking about how fat and ugly i am. or at my weird hair or crooked teeth. or that i smell and i have bad clothes. it is seriously so humiliating for anyone to see me. i swear someone is going to get in an accident or something one day because they are so distraced by the way i look.i avoid many places around town (the mall, the convenience store, grocery store) because im afraid i will see someone from high school and they will tell people they saw me and how gross i look. I went out with a guy from high school a few weeks ago (the first time i've been out in a year) in an attempt to have fun. it was HORRIBLE. we went to like this small party thing and i didn't talk the whole time and everyone kept asking me if i was ok. it was so embarassing. i was just uncomfortable - i was like the ugly duckling around these beautiful girls that all should have been models. Its like in my attempt not to draw attention to myself, i ended up drawing more attention to myself. I didnt have anything to say tho - i tried and tried to think of something to say but i had nothing and i didn't want everyone to stare at me. i just dont know what to do. i hate sitting at home friday and saturday night doing nothing but thinking about all the people who are out having fun but i am too humiliated to make friends and then i'd be too humiliated to go out to a public place. I wouldnt even know where to start making friends my age ( i work with an older cohort). I lost my best friend because i kept screwing her over when we made plans and i guess she just gave up on me. havent talked to her since nov. i just dont know what to do. this is seriously like so unhealthy and my spirit is totally broken. My bf and i live 3 hours apart and see each other rarely, so i hardly ever even have that to look forward to.
I've been to psychotherapy which didnt really help because i am so not comfortable talking about myself . i stopped going because i neglected to mention something until like our 5th session and he seemed mad. I was on zoloft for a while, i cant really remember if it helped or not though and i tried wellbutrin but that made me really nasty (which is not my nature at all) so i had to stop taking it.
So this social anxeity thing is making my life very prosaic and lifeless. I mean, im young and i should be living young but the years just keep going by with me hanging by a string. i need suggestions, advice, ect., PLEASE!!!! thank you :-)