cem0214

I am going through an extremely stressful time in my life and I'm unsure of what to do. I am having family problems. My stepdaughter is sixteen and we are experiencing all of the turmoil that goes along with that. My marriage is struggling, gasping at this point. My wife has always been a tremendous talker. I am quiet -- I show emotion more by doing things rather than saying things. We have had arguements our entire marriage that I don't talk enough. But it's also not how much but what I talk about. We talk a lot about what is going on with her life, job, friends but what she is looking for is the emotional talk. Why I love her, why I married her, how I feel about our relationship. This is not an occassional thing -- it must be an everyday thing. It must be in the form of emails, written letters, and spoken word. She has bought me books and we have been to seminars about things like speaking each others love languages. I know she and I express/receive love differently. I was able to struggle by until about six months ago. That's when she caught me looking at porn on the internet. I never paid for anything but I had gotten into a bad habit of looking at the free stuff they throw at you all the time. I know it was wrong and I have stopped completely. I never knew that a woman feels looking at porn is the same as a physical affair. I know that now and I have done everything I can to try to make it up to her. But her need to talk has multiplied 1000%. She feels that if I am not talking then I must be hiding something. It is a constant arguement. I am so pressured to be talking emotionally every minute I spend with her. She always says things like the only way I can know how she feels is if she has an affair. Or that she must go on a diet so she will be appealing to men again. She also threatens to leave saying if she can't get what she needs from me she is going to get it somewhere else. If I do get alone time, as soon as she gets home I must endure and hour of questioning about whether I have done anything wrong, been tempted to do anything wrong, and am I being honest. I am not allowed on the computer at home unless she is with me. I know this is all punishment for my wrongdoing and I know my offense was serious. But the stress is killing me. She is so obsessed over our emotional connection. I don't want to blame her for the problem but her family does have a history of disabling anxiety/depression. I don't know if I alone have an anxiety problem or if dealing with her problem is causing mine.

So, I've said all of that to ask this. I have never sought mental health treatment. I don't know if I should go to my family doctor first or just go straight to a psychiatrist. I feel like I need help at this point. I feel trapped and hopeless. I have lost about 10 pounds in the last couple of months. My wife is insisting that I go get mental health treatment to help me open up to her. But I want to go for me. I don't know if I have anxiety or depression. Like I say, I don't have any experience with these issues. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Thanks.