tell me whats wrong
some times i think i have a mental problem i'll tell you whats all going through my head. it my be a normal growing up thing or what ever i just hope that its not a serious proble well here it goes.
mmm where to start... ahh
when i was 4 my sister was born. Back then every thing was perfect. i had a mom a dad and a lil baby sister. due to financial issues becuase dad was a porn addict. we had to move to a trailer park. but there we still had problems some days we weren't able to watch tv because we didn't have enough money to pay the bills. sometimes it was the phone and sometimes it was the phone and the TV that was shut off cuz of the lack of money. but that was only the start of the problems. one day my mom got sick. she wasn't getting any better i remember that it was a few days befor mothers day i made a flower pot at school that said number 1 mom. but she died befor i had gave it to her. i was 7 i didn't understanded what death was. i convenced my self that she would come back. every morning i woke up raced to the dining room for the bowl of fruit loops that my mom would of prepared for me when she was alive but, i soon found out that she was gone for good. My dad got real depressed and money was even more of an issue now. my dad started dateing agian. then got remarried to a total *****. (sorry for the swaring) She treated me as the scum from the earth. and my sister like a queen. if my sister came home dirty and wet she would tell her to change her close but if i cam home dirty and wet she wold smack me across the face and tell me to wash all the clothes un the laundry. if my sister came home late for dinner she would get a talkin to and she got to eat. but if i came home for dinner late i would get smacked and sent to my room with nothing to eat. God bless my sister, some times she would sneak me some food. what makes me more angry that my dad wouldn't do any thing. surely he saw how unfair i've been treated. then i was glad to get out of the house. i was even glad to take out the trash to get out of the house away from her for a little bit. onetime i hit her back for her smacking me and i got smacked agian and grounded for 2 months. i was allway grounded. when i wasn't grounded i would be out of the house all day untill lunch time and dinner time. believe it or not my step mom was a christian. she force us to go to church and wednesday church and even saturday church. (one reason im not a christian) then my dad did something stupid, he when to court then when to jail, i was liveing at my grandmas house more than at the trailer. then final my step mom left. my grandma took me and my sister to court and she became our legal guardian. then i got in to some depression troubles. i started in to pot. untill i got tickeded then i had pot withdrawals i had headachs i as constently angry and the desire for some pot was grate good think that wore off cuz i don't think i would of made it through. then i started dateing. my first girl cheated on my so i dumped her my second girl riped my heart out and served it as a dinner plate. and the third girl we... we had sex. then she dumped me for another guy and told every one what we done. i am ashamed of it. some times i fear that i will turn out to be like my dad so i can't forgive my self for every little thing i do wrong. i love my dad don't get me wrong i just don't want to turn out like him. well, now im living with my grandma (which is my legal gardian) which is all good. but i think allot, sometimes, i think, that i think too much. if you asked other people what they thought of me, they'd say that im a happy, wierd, and crazy guy. but i know that i olny act that way to relieve (more like forget) my stress for that moment. sometimes i think i'll go crazy with all this stuff runnin through my head. sooo, can you tell me whats wrong... and can you help me