I am so ashamed 2 B writing this,but thereís comfort that U don't even know me.When I was 13 I had 4 family members die all in the same year.It was a total shock &I was afraid of crying in front of people due 2 past experiences.The grief &loneliness consumed me &without giving 2 much consideration of consequences,I began 2 indulge in a world of fantasy where I felt comforted & not alone by the people I imagined.As the years went by,it became an addiction & the fantasies no longer needed 2 replace grief,yet became part of my day 2 day lifestyle.Sometimes,I would sit at home & spend hours acting out little scenarios with my imaginary friends. It would stop me from doing the work I needed to do since my imagination would take me from one scenario to the next. I noticed that whenever something bad or miserable would happen I would resort to this world which would numb my feelings.Strangely enough,growing up with an alcoholic mthr & an emotionally abusive fthr I felt like I had no-one to turn to anyhow.My sibling was dead & I guess I was 2 afraid 2 reach out 4 help outside the family & angry at the same time towards the people in general who knew my family well for not trying 2 help a 13 year old cope.Time has surely passed now-20 yrs-& I am still living in fantasy lane.I am in control of whenever I want 2 fantasize,but I just wish that I never came up with the idea in the first place 2 deal with the grief in that kind of way. Now I use it to fill the loneliness. I regret it & I hate it. If you knew me,U would never have picked that I have a weird problem.I am outgoing & enjoy a good laugh.I am single though,& it hurts 2 B alone.Without trying 2 make this sound like a pity party,I am only trying 2 B honest here in telling U that I have felt alone all my life.
I dont think you are weird looking at how tough your childhood was.
I am not a doctor and I am not that smart either, I am just 19 year old guy.
I cant tell you what to do, but my advice for you is to try and express your sadness in other ways..such as doing art (painting), writing (stories, poems), singing, playing musical instruments or doing sports. People who had rough childhood are very talented in these kind of things. Few years ago I had big depression where I wanted to kill myself and even kill someone else, but since I found someone to love and somone who loves me back, my depression dissapeared.
haha see how many times I said "I"? probably I am very igoistic.
i do something similar in a way. read the post 'do i have OCD?' on the OCD board. i think my problem stems from me being so anxious as a child and the fact that my mom's brothers died. it's got to the stage now where i've fantasied so much that i can't help doing it. i wish i'd never started either...
This is a really sad thing to read, I know this may sound stupid to you, but I find peace in my Faith in Jesus, If you find a good church to go to there can be a lot of support in a family type atmosphere. (If you find a good church!) But I can't say i fantasize anything, But I have a friend that lives a BDSM lifestyle outside of her marraige, she was molested by her father as a child, and it is the only way yet she has found to cope with it is by protecting herself. I know BDSM and what happened to her are closer to the same than different, but it is funny how easy it would be for you to want a "father figure" who will treat you sooo good, when yours was so crappy. Anyways I myself only watched my parents just about kill eachother many times as a very young child. When I was 6 they divorced, but before that when they fauight it was always right in front of me, I usually jumped on my dads back to try and stop him from hitting my mom. Anyways Find a good friend you can trust to talk to, or seriously try a church, ( I know most people do not believe in church now adays or especially God, but really God does care and love you and he is just waiting for you to want him in your life!) ~Natalie
Sorry I have not been able to reply earlier, cos I was banned for helping this gay guy out who was hurting by unknowingly committing a sin by pasting a website address that would have been VERY & EXTREMELY helpful to him. I clumsily hadn't read the board's rules beforehand, which I guess is my own fault, however I had no idea that they would be so strict. The only thing that is a risk factor with being so rigid is that there may be people who correspond on this board who are clinging to their last hope and maybe will end up committing suicide....
Anyhow, I'm back and I really thank you guys for writing to me. It really feels good to hear that I guess I am kinda normal....not weird. I have never told anyone this and at the moment I have to make new friends all over again (cos I have moved overseas) and am confronted with....yeah, being lonely.
By the way, natthebug, what is BDSM?
Thanks phoebe and wizard for your replies. It made me so happy and gave me some hope to read them. It feels good knowing that someone 'out there' knows....and for what it's worth, even cares.
Last edited by dreamchick; 09-06-2004 at 09:17 AM.
It doesnt sound strange to me at all and I dont think you need to be ashamed. I also do the similar thing, I used to imagin being in the happy family when I was a kiddy. I sometimes talk to myself when Im alone; I pretend like I was somebody and talk to my imaginally friend or sometimes famous poaple I really like. I like doing it, and I think its helping me to communicate with poaple in the real life. Dont worry too much about it, you are not hurting anybody doing it.
What if we are all doing it, thinking that there's nothing wrong about it and there is. I had the eact same problem and i thought i was the only one in the world who did that until i read this post. Wow!!
But in common sense, wouldn't there be something wrong with creating a fantasy world and sheltering yourself from the outside. I've done this throughout my whole childhood as well. I did it because when i was in my fantasy world, i had no problem communicating. I would have conversations that i wish i would have in real life. The problems is I now find myself unable to have a conversation with a real person. I feel like i completely disconnected myself from the rest of the people of my age (22). I have a very hard time expressing my feelings and always take a lot of **** from people without saying anything. I grew up with an extremeely violent father who never touched me but was beating up everybody else in the famly in front of my eyes on a regular basis. I doubt the outcome of that is doing me any good today.
Anybody know about this behaviour in more details? Any studies or suggestion of what type of disorder it could really be?
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Well, I guess I can say that it helped numb my feelings of pain. I would suppose that re-hearsing events in your fantasy world where you are open and expressive would only help you perform/or be your relaxed self in reality. -- But I guess I am wrong since you say you cannot speak up for yourself in the real world. I feel sorry for you.
I think I have a good name/title for what we do when we engage our thoughts in the realm of fantasy --- 'subliminal submission'.
Well, with this next piece of information you can take it or leave it -- it is not my problem if people reading this post can't accept what has happened to me. I have no need to defend my past experiences which still have a positive effect on me to this day- and I will not defend them if people challenge me, but I will be ready to answer questions to why I have hope. I am not the best christian around, however, I CAN say without this one particular 'event' (if I should call it that) I wouldn't be alive today. I like to think that it was the fingerprint that God left on my life since that night that has given me this lasting endurance to live without the insecurity and ever-present pain that I bore with me prior to Him making a move.
Anyhow, I was prayed for at church - one among the very many times I had before, but this particular time knocked me off my feet and I lay there for quite some time as God really did whatever he did to heal me of my insecurities and a lot of emotional pain that I carried every since I can remember. Itís so amazing how people can know about God, and even call themselves Christians yet donít believe that God can do any of the things that he has done in the Bible. Ė No, I havenít seen the Red Sea parted (chuckle), but one thing I do know and am confident of to this day was that it was the healing power of Jesus that changed me. My friend had commented how different I was and my boyfriend at the time also said that I wasnít nervous or insecure. I literally felt different and stopped short of what I was doing on several occasions when I realised I would react differently to how I normally wouldíve done before (eg. from insecure to secure).
This is actually a much longer story and I havenít taken the time to write this better/properly (one of the reasons being I went to bed 9am this morning instead of last night as I was doing my website creation homework). I must admit this is poorly written, but itís enough to let you what happened many years ago in a nutshell. ZzzzzzzÖ.
Originally Posted by VoodooQueen
But in common sense, wouldn't there be something wrong with creating a fantasy world and sheltering yourself from the outside.?
Well, there ainít nothing wrong with it as such, but is it healthy for us to live this way? It all might boil down to quality of life. I know my quality of life would be better if I sat down and really decided to stop with this -annoying and time consuming- habit. And on the other hand if it hasnít helped you on a social level, you can begin to ask if itís any good at all. Cos itís real life that matters. It WAS good for the times we needed a buffer from the pain, but anyone knows that long-term drug taking has itís side effects and deteriorates quality of lifeÖ.the same with us with our fantasy world. Life isnít quality if we always have to hide in a padded fantasy world when weíre experiencing varying degrees of pain. The worst is over. We need to ride over the winds like eagles. Life is soaring over the storms of life and coming out strong. I had a hell of a life that couldíve been made a movie, but I am so glad that today I am living and also knowing that there are solutions.
I have begun to realise that itís not helping me AT ALL to be feeling guilty about it, yet rather I should begin to think about what I can do otherwise to help myself in a positive way. Itís been good hearing what peopleís reactions are/were on this site and itís made me look past the question if Iím normal, to the question of what I can do to make it right (yes I am lonely but I canít wave a magic wand). At least I can make steps in the right direction and place myself in the right environment to make more potential friends.- and even so it means sacrificing extra time (I live far from the big city) and a bit of divine help too since my global circumstances donít provide me with the best advantages.
Well, this post-entry of mine was longer than expected. Hope it hasnít made your eyes sore! LOL. Hope itís been of some help to you. I'm also happy for the help that I have already received. I still welcome any more input/comments/advice.
no i don`t think your weird, ok well you gotta admit its abnormal but that doesn`t make it bad, i`actually do the same (or similar) thing, all my life i`ve been everyones punching bag including my family, now i usually laugh along with these jokes or random violence and pretend it was just play but it really hurts.... badly, whoo boy sour memories :,(, most recently because of the show southpark and because my names kyle i`m called a stupid ****** jew, this is one of the worst things i`ve ever felt especially since i explain im not jewish and people do it anyway... but to escape i thrust myself into a. alchohol b. video games or c. when niether is available or when i just feel like it i go to whatever place i can imagine, usually i`m in iraq killing terrorists with the face of my enemies or maybe i`m a t-rex eating ppl, it`s always different but it`s where i spend a third of my time, i love it too because ppl will listen to me and i don`t have to afraid of anything, boy reading all this makes me think i`ve got problems in areas i havnt really thought about... well anyway i would say that talking with a counselor couldn`t hurt especially if you don`t like it.
"Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets" - Arthur Miller
I hear and feel a lot of pain and sadness throughout this thread, and it hurts me to think of young people (like some of you) who are living with the deep scars of abuse. I can see how a fantasy world would be a much better place to be, than in some horrific reality.
One day though, it would be optimal if you could work through the issues that are deep inside you. To get to take all that out of your self, and have room for all the good life has ahead. I know that is no easy task, and it may likely be a lifelong one.
The mind is an awesome creation, and your use of the fantasy world is a self protection mechanism. When you feel safe enough to let it go, you can use all that creativity to plan out your real life! Best to you all...
I am sorry you feel so alone but what you do to avoid the pain in your life is not such a bad idea if it gives you comfort and doesn't interfere in your daily life. Give yourself permission to go into the fantasy world if it is helpful. We all have to figure out how to get through the pain in our young lives because it is seldom that any young person has someone that understands how kids think and you like any normal kid kept your feelings to yourself and instead went into a fantasy world....I think you would be surprised how many kids to adults do that. I can only suggest if you want to give it up or have more control over it then you should go to a mental health social worker, psychologist or psychiatrist...you do talk about anger that you have at others for not coming to your rescue when you were young and lost...that is an issue that you need to come to terms with because they probably didn't know how to do that for you....so for those issues that you still feel angry about you do need to figure out how to let go of.... good luck.