Is it ok to feel anger - Mental Health Message Board

ynglady · 01-12-2005, 01:19 AM

I am a survivor of child molestation and sexual battery. My father also tried to kill me as a child by drowning me in the bathtub. I believe I have dealt with my demons pretty good over the years. But if I see him in public or even think of him I get angry and very annoyed. I have been to all kinds of doctors but they can not help me because they try to over diagnose me. I was diagnose Schizophrenia, Bipolar, PSSD not all at once ,different doctors different opinions. I do not believe I am either. Just angry. The different medications I've tried did nothing but made me feel worse. There could be a problem with me, but they haven't found the right diagnosis in my eyes. I believe I am pretty well rounded, I am a good person, a good mother, I have many friendswhom think the same about me. I may tend to keep my feeling to myself but why do I feel so much anger. I don't explode, I control my temper extremely well but others around me think I am angry even when I don't feel angry, so I know it has to seep out in my expressions. Even though not in my actions. What can I do to relieve this anger. Is it a mental disorder, if so what kind.

mudhound · 01-12-2005, 05:59 AM

Welcome to the boards!
The easy answer is yes. But, As the anger lessens thats when the pain seems to subside. My wife had issues as a small child. She still has some anger with those issues.
Hope this helps.

ynglady · 01-12-2005, 08:52 PM

Thank You for trying but I guess I need to say more! I have many issues. I guess my anger does tend to come out in my irratability. Especially with people I am extremely close with. Time doesn't seem to make the anger go away. And if time isn't the answer what is.Everything reminds me of these's issues and in the pit of my stomach I feel it there always. There are days when I feel Ok but in a flash I am irritated. I try to hide it because I don't think anyone really wants to hear my ill feelings. I was physically, sexually and mentally abused from 3 to 11 yrs. of age. I am now 28. My children are 3 and 10 and I see them and I don't understand why anyone could ever do the things my father did to me. I look at them, they are the exact ages I was and I love them so much I think I could hurt someone really bad if anything was to happen to them. I tend to be too over protective of them, But the angry thoughts are there. I am a Single mother and I tend to be very critical to their father's because I had a father like mine. I guess my anger tends to come out in bickering. I guess that's why I don't have a relationship now. I guess I am looking for away to loose this anger. I have been put on Lexapro and Seroquil for 4 months. The doctor just kept raising the dosage.It eventually gave me seizures. I tried geadon for a year It didn't help any just made me feel like I was not in this world and I would sleep all the time and it was hard for me to even wake up. I was on prozac for 3 years and I felt very addicted. Like I had to have it or my world would become very emotional and a any sec I would cry as if it made me very depressed. But even with all the medications I still feel the anger. That's why I feel the doctors must be wrong about me. My mother tells me I need some type of medication. And she makes me feel as though I am wrong in my feeling. I believe her. My oldest daughter is starting to do the same as me, get irritated, try to hide it, then feel guilty if she does show her ill feelings. So I know I have to do something but how do you do something when you don't know how to get the help you need.

Soulcatcher · 01-12-2005, 09:09 PM

First let me start by saying what happend to you is so horrible and I am so sorry you were not protected. I don't see why your not allowed to be angry at times, it's what you do when your angry that can be the issue. I have never had any child hood molestation or rapes but I am still VERY over protecting with my children because you never know. My therapist tells me that I "have" to trust someone to watch my children and that I need to get out more. Well, who is he to say this. I am fine with my children and I do NOT let anyone watch them. I don't need to go out and party, my life is my children.
I take 30mgs of Lexapro and 1mg of xanex to get to sleep. Girl, I still feel anger at times. Anger towards things that just get me angry...people talking on the cells and don't drive....Neighbors who think I have to listen to their drunk Sunday night karoke parties...It's how we act upon them...If I set their hourse on fire that would be wrong...well not really if you were to hear them sing but I kindly walked over there and told them that they needed to shut their door.
I have things in my past that anger me....My mother wasverballly abusive and physically abusive..I still lash out at her attitude. Its normal. I don't take it out on my kids, I don't hit people. Why do doctor's feel you have to be dubbed or labeled with something?? I guess saying "um...Mrs..so and so, your absolutly normal and you don't owe me for this visit..have a nice life"............Not going to happen. We are a money maker and we believe these people who read books to dub us "crazy" PTSD please! Sounds like your normal to me as long as you are not failing as a parent. xxxxx

kerry1 · 01-12-2005, 09:12 PM

I would be worried about you if you weren't angry about it!! Just reading your brief comment about your father made me see red. What a horrible, horrible thing to do to a child - and attempted murder??? He doesn't sound human. Then, of course, you hear all this crap about how you're supposed to love your parents and they're supposed to love you and take care of you, and for you, it's all a lie and a sham. Then maybe you hear people tell you you're "too angry" and need to "fix yourself". Gee whiz (I can't swear on these boards so translate that as you see fit).

I hope you're seeing a therapist and talking about this to someone. Just to help you learn ways to deal with this perfectly natural anger you have, and will probably always have. I don't think anger is a bad thing - it can be misused, however, and you're right to be concerned about taking it out on people close to you. There are better ways to channel it - it's a forceful emotion, and a it can be a forceful tool for change!!

I've never been molested or beaten by a parent, but thinking about it puts me in a rage, and it makes me even angrier when I see people letting it happen to children and not doing anything about it. A swim instructor I had as a child thought it was cute to "dunk" me, causing me to nearly drown. I hate him to this day, I absolutely hate his guts. I don't even remember his lousy name. Abuse victims often do drugs or commit suicide, and I can fully understand why. It's the strong ones who survive, and you seem like one of them.