GracielaWhite

I don't want to lose my boyfriend, but my jealous outburst are driving him and I insane...I don't want to go into dramatic detail but hey how else will I get this straight across...?

Well I just don't know why I am this way, jeez I don't know hoe to start this off, but yeah, my borfriend has a friend who he calls his sister because he's known her since they were babies, but yeah the family all says that this girl, Ginna is they're sister...'cept his mom and dad, which think of her as they're daugther, but yeah, there was this one time when I was on the phone and my bf Josh said something to his friend about how she got ugly 'cause she got fat (she stayed that way after she had her baby)(she's 20)...well this was right after he had gone on about his ex Keisha from like 2 years ago...mind you Josh and I had been going out for 2 or 3 months then, in about 2 weeks, well be going out 8 months, so yeah, of course after he said that I was bitter and ever since then I have bad feelings about her, and he gets kinda upset because he said he doesn't like her, she's like a sister, and that I should worry about it...I guess I am one to hold on to a grudge, because I bring stuff like this over and over again...like last week, there was a knock on the door of his room and here was Ginna and his sis Rachel, and I got annoyed...I wasn't exactly mad, but yeah, you know what I'm sayin', so things like this always happen with us...
I try to get him to talk about it but he's one to keep it in, like today he got mad at me because I said I was mad at him, and that was because his siter Rachel had her friend Ariel over and I was all like (on the phone): "Why are you always talking to her!?" and he was like:" I'm not, she's always talking to me!"...and yeah, I am so jealous, I'm even jealous of his 3 sisters!!!
One's full-blooded, and the other 2 are half sisters...I love the full-blooded one (Kym) to death!!! But it bugs me so much when he's with her, it's so weird!!!
I mean today, I actually got Josh to open up about how he feels, we were both angry and I told him to let it out, because I was upset about how he never has anything to say to me but he has alot to say to other ppl, and he finally said it....that he doesn't say much because he doesn't want to say something that will make me mad...

I can totally understand that because I got mad at him talking about Ashanti and other celebs, abotu them being so "hot" and whatnot, and he feels like he can't say much without upsetting me, and I know that's true...I think my jealous go's way back to when I had all of my parents attention and then all of a sudden my brother was born and takes all that away...I think that's wher e it all began...I am so confused!!!

I'm thinking about going to a therapist or something...only reason I haven't is money and because I can't seem to talk about my problems, I always have to write them down....ugh...WHAT SHOULD I DO?!?