It Really Hurts To Be Me - Mental Health Message Board

Time2Heal · 02-04-2005, 03:42 PM

I live day to day.

I am 32 and on klonopin (2years) and lexapro (1 month). I do feel better. Much better but still wonder if enough?

I have been diagnosed with, PTSD, BPD, OCD, DEPRESSION, PANIC DISORDER, ANXIETY DISORDER, NIGHT TERRORS, IN RECOVERY FOR EATING DISORDERS. MULTIBLE KIDNEY STONES 3 TIMES A YEAR.

ALL except kidney stones, from emotional, physical, and sexual abuse continous from age 10 to 15.

I was always " OH SO STRONG, THAT WAS MY PAST AND DID NOT EFFECT ME" HA! was I in denial. Then at 26- all the doors opened........ and hit me like a ton of bricks. Now, still daily if I don't have a trigger, a memory, or reminder, then something else happens.

WHY DO I HAVE ALL OF THESE? WHAY SO MANY? WHY CAN't I ELIMATE ATLEAST A COUPLE? I mean the meds work but not for everything and those they don't work for stem into another one. I am so drained, so tired of wearing the mask as this "happy girl". I can't, the mask keeps slipping off and usually in a negative, angry way.

You know, I am sorry, I don't think this even makes sense. I am going to stop writing but still post. Maybe someone can give me a little light of something?
Caytie.........having...one of the days

pangea250 · 02-04-2005, 05:23 PM

You poor thing!
*hugs*

That's a LOT to deal with

I don't think you should expect yourself to be rid of them so quickly. Take little steps ^_^ One thing at a time. I know when your feeling depressed you just look at the whole giant picture and feel blown away. But you really gotta try to take things in bites. A little improvement here, and little improvement there. It's no miracle cure, and it will take lots of time, but you'll get there^_^ Just hang in; Everyone here at the boards is here to help along the way whenever you need us!

music47 · 02-04-2005, 05:42 PM

I have a big hug for you too

Hang in there. I have depression too and I know what you are going through. It helps to talk about it and know that you have support here. Stay in touch.

Hugs
Mus

DowntownBrown · 02-05-2005, 07:20 PM

Hi

I have been clean & sober since 1/1/87--18 yrs. but recovering from my Depressive Disorder since 1994.
But...just a thought, or a question. Do you drink alcohol or take any mind-altering chemicals or smoke weed--besides the prescribed meds of course? If you do the meds cannot help you or be effective.
In my years of experience in recovery and in counseling, I have seen people over, and over again--stay sick and suffering, relapse, committ suicide, get locked up in nut ward, etc..... My experience, strength, and hope--tell me that I cannot use ANY mind-altering chemicals--or I will not get any better.
God loves you and so do I, Sally B.

Blue102 · 02-06-2005, 07:19 AM

Wow. Well all I can say to you is, you'll get through it fine. I know that because you're here, and just the fact that you're here talking about it shows that you're on the road to recovery. You're probably already past the hump.

All my best, and if there's anything else you'd like to talk about, go ahead and post, we're listening.