my husband was spying on my sister in the shower - Mental Health Message Board

Wife in crisis · 02-05-2005, 01:34 AM

My husband and I have been married for 7 years, a couple weeks a go my sister came to town to visit. I went shopping but when I returned I found my sister crying her eyes out and packing her things. Apparently, when she finished showering she stepped out of the tub only to see a spoon underneath the door, my husband was spying on her naked. This is the first time that I know of this ever happening, he tends to forget a lot of things we discuss and when he was younger he was sexually abused by his uncle. I know he needs help, please help me help him!

mudhound · 02-05-2005, 05:28 PM

welcome to the board.

Soulcatcher · 02-05-2005, 05:52 PM

I don't think being abused by his Uncle has anything to do with sneaking a peek. He knows it's wrong. Honestly there isn't an excuse for invading someone's privacy. He violated her and it's wrong. I wouldn't just brush it off as a "guys thing". He needs to know how wrong it is. I would find out what his reasoning was for doing this. A serious apology to your sister is in order. Not much else you can really do. I feel sorry for your sister, I can't imagine how hurt she probably is. Good luck.

DowntownBrown · 02-05-2005, 06:25 PM

Dear Wife,

First of all, how old is your sister? How does someone spy on someone in the shower with a spoon? How reliable is sister's word? Could she be making it up? Maybe, your husband was sexually abused as a child, that doesn't meant that he has problems. I'm not saying that he does, but I want you to look at all the possibilities here. IF you husband admits doing it, OR you know that he has exhibited the symptoms of "sexual addiction" before, then he needs counseling, now.
Second of all, do you have small children that need to be protected from him? The "sexual offenders" that I worked with that didn't get help or counseling, usuallly "acted out", with their children, nephews, neices, or neighbors children.
Yours is a very serious problem! Please, don't be in Denial about what may be happening in your home!

If you have small children to protect, which a lot of "sexual offender" do, because they usually live with or marry women with children that can be their "potential victims".
No, I am not saying that your husband is a "sex addict" or a "sexual offender", but IF he is please.....don't continue to live with his sickness, insist that he either get some help---or LEAVE.
God loves you and so do I, Sally B. [Richmond, TX]

Torque · 02-05-2005, 06:46 PM

Seems like a lot to do about next to nothing.

Here people are almost claiming he should be separated to a planet without children.

It's not like the guy kicked the door in, or raped her or something.

Perspective.

I'm certain he couldn't possibly have seen one heck of a lot in a spoon.

Men do tend to be voyeuristic. Unless there is something more that supports that he's off-kilter, then I'd guess it's not a whole lot more significant than a boyish prank. He might have simply been trying to verify a true hair color. I don't advocate such behavior, but it doesn't seem significant enough to potentially ruin people's lives over. Especially without overt proof.

But, if the masses say to crucify, then don't let reason stand in the way.