PLEASE HELP! Problems with dad - Mental Health Message Board

Angelbaby03 · 02-10-2005, 03:51 PM

Hello

I am having a problem and i need some advice. iam 16 years old.

my dad came home last night and my mom was drinking and he got upset and started yelling. He said that he doesnt want that stuff in the house. so anyway, then my mom started saying stuff about me and my boyfriend of 11 months. she started to bring up sex and everything. i tell my mom everything though, but my dad has no idea about my life. then, my dad came in my room and was like "You need to straighten your a** up too, and there is no more boyfriend, its done, i have spoken"

so now im like worried because even though i know that i will be able to see him, i just want things to go back to normal. PS my boyfriend is only 17. i love him and i want to be able to see him. do you think that this will blow over?

please help

kiehn · 02-10-2005, 05:53 PM

Im a parent myself but my daughers a few years older. I will tell you from experience
parents make mistakes too. The worst time to discuss a problem is when we're upset or angry I know all too well, but it's hard to walk away. When you Dad is more calm
you may be able to talk with him. It's certainly better to have an open relationship then sneaking around hiding your relationship with your boyfriend.

Now as far as having sexual relations at your age, I understand you father's concern
There's always a chance of pregnancy that no one, no matter what you age can truely ever be prepare for the repsonsibility. I was 26 yrs old in a stable marriage and still found the responsibility overwhelming at times.

I hope your using birth control and a condom as AIDS is not anything to fool around with it is a slow agonizing death sentence. I know the last thing you want to hear is a lecture but if your parents didnt care they'd never say a word and neither would I or others that understand the seriousness of AIDS.

Just one more thing to keep in mind when you have sexual relations with a person you are having relations with every single person they have and as well as everyone else all the others have and so on, on, on..... Many young 16 year old women have been in love too and it's as real as when your 21 but the difference that 5 years makes is
unbelievable. Try talking with some women in their early 20's ask their opinion. Then
talk to your Dad and let him know you appreicate his concern and this is what you're
doing to protect yourself. Take Care Hon, K

mudhound · 02-21-2005, 06:29 PM

as a dad I tend to be protective of my child. However, he is now 18 and there little i can do.
Drinking either by your mother or him could cause the problems to be worse.
Hank in there and just love and respect them has best you can.
It may seem hard but i'm sure he has your best interest at heart.

Jennita · 02-24-2005, 12:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angelbaby03

Hello

I am having a problem and i need some advice. iam 16 years old.

my dad came home last night and my mom was drinking and he got upset and started yelling. He said that he doesnt want that stuff in the house. so anyway, then my mom started saying stuff about me and my boyfriend of 11 months. she started to bring up sex and everything. i tell my mom everything though, but my dad has no idea about my life. then, my dad came in my room and was like "You need to straighten your a** up too, and there is no more boyfriend, its done, i have spoken"

so now im like worried because even though i know that i will be able to see him, i just want things to go back to normal. PS my boyfriend is only 17. i love him and i want to be able to see him. do you think that this will blow over?

please help

Sounds like he's seeing some potentially damaging behaviors and he's attempting to use forcefulness to end them. Your mom really should not drink so much, and you must be careful, believe me, you don't want to end up pregnant intil you are financially and emotionally ready.

Perhaps your dad is being harsh, but his intentions are good deep down. Maybe if you and your mom can reassure him things won't go off the deep end, he'd feel better. Perhaps you can assure him by telling him you are practicing safe sex/good birth control (you are, right?) like any responsible person would, and maybe your mom could lighten up on the drinking, saving it for maybe, say, wine with dinner? Good luck, hope everything works out!