Dealing with disapproval - Mental Health Message Board

RBM · 02-12-2005, 12:29 PM

I have a hard time when I have to go against other peoples opinions even if it's just on the internet or something. I start to shake and get anxious and get very defensive even over small matters sometimes. Usually it goes along with the harshness of the disapproval.

I am an adult an am just really now starting to understand the importance of making my own decisions and not just trying to please other people. But without beeing able to stand up to people who disagree with me and put me down it makes it very difficult.

Lately I have been trying to convince myself to do my thing and not let what others think(or more often what I think they might think) detour me. I have so much experience trying to please others that I know that doesn't lead to happiness so I know I need to do my thing right or wrong because it's the only chance I have. But the emotions I get when trying to do what's right for me in the face of opisition is to much for me sometimes.

I had sort of been doing better feeling more confident and having people disapprove and I was just accepting that but it wasn't destoying me as much. It was a new way of thinking for me and I was feeling more positive about it but in the last few days I have sort have gone back to normal and lost the hope I had. I still think I was on to something though because the feeling I had was such I freeing feeling, something I never felt before.

I'm looking for something that will help me not get such a horrible feeling when others don't appove and that can help me accept when others don't approve.

The thing that is ironic about it is arguements aren't really a problem, once I've gotten upset I have no problem defending myself.

kiehn · 02-13-2005, 05:36 AM

Good for you!
Im also in the same boat, I wobble, get nervous, back off, get back in but it gets
easily the more you do it. Ive spent most my life being a people pleaser so I figure
it's going take while to turn things around. I do know depression hinders my
confidence which makes it hard for me to accept the disproval. Ive been taking
natural supplements for depression which has been helpful. Hang in there one
step at a time, you're doing great! K

greeneyes100 · 02-14-2005, 12:33 PM

[QUOTE=kiehn]Good for you!
I think a lot of us are raised to be "people pleasers" and that's why it's so hard for us to just BE, regardless of what others think.

It's something I've been working on for years...and still am.

Just because people don't respond to us the way we would like does not mean that we are not okay. It usually has nothing to do with us personally anyway, but rather is an issue that has to do with the other person.

Especially, today, on Valentine's Day, I feel like I am made to feel somehow not special because I don't have a vase of flowers on my desk and a boyfriend!

kiehn · 02-14-2005, 02:08 PM

Sending you both a virutual Rose!!! HVD

kerry1 · 02-14-2005, 02:48 PM

RBM, I'm suspecting you were treated badly as a child when you "spoke up". Either that or you have a mood disorder, maybe? Depression can cause low self-esteem and shyness (been there).

Nothing in the world is more important than a person's real, true opinion. That's what makes you unique and valuable. Sometimes it really is best NOT to express your opinion ("that dress makes you look fat"), but there are times when it saves lives ("Uh, Captain, let's veer left. There's an iceberg over there.")

I hope you can surmount this problem.