girlfriends confidence levels DANGEROUSLY low - Mental Health Message Board

givemeaname · 02-23-2005, 02:09 PM

hello, i have posted alot about my gf today but with reason, i love her, and im going to do everyhting i can to help her, even if we split up tomorow (not likely) i would still continue to help as see it my place on this planet to help others less fortunate than myself (i have never suffered a problem, apart from meningitis which i fought off when i was...3 i think)

but yea, basically her self-confidence and self-asteem levels are dangerously low, and i need advice/tips to raising them, as she could accomplish so much if she was just a little more confident.

at one point not long ago she was eating evry little becasue she thought she was fat, no matter how many times me and my friends pointed the truth out to her that sheisnt fat and never will be with her figure she diddnt pay any attention, she thinks she is ugly etc. when if you see her i can guarentee you would be slightly if not fully aroused.

just basically i need some help/tips like this to help her get more confidence.

Guy

p.s. i know this is really hard to solve but im sure with our collective intellect we can get to the bottom of this.

morningtheft · 02-24-2005, 06:14 AM

ok...I'm probably not helping much here, so sorry, but I would say I probably have self-esteem issues as well (ha)...and it's funny because even if someone could say, logically *prove* that I'm attractive, or intelligent, or whatever, and even if I could see the proof and understand it it probably wouldn't change my viewpoint. Maybe slightly, but chances are it wouldn't last very long. Even now I realise I'm sometimes deceiving myself but it's a lot easier to do that than to face up to things that might be difficult or might lead to failure. I'm a coward basically, but I'm not saying your girlfriend is, that's just how I am. What does make me feel great is when people tell me they like me either just out of the blue, or if I say something funny or make them feel better about something or whatever. Even then I often have trouble believing it, or worry that I've got to live up to those standards (ie if someone tells me they like me, I'm convinced that it's because they don't know me well enough or haven't seen the stupid, annoying, pathetic side of me), so people saying that can either work or not work really! I'm sure you say things like that to your girlfriend all the time and are very supportive

, and her thought processes might be completely different to mine, but I'm just telling you how it works for me and I'm sorry if I'm not being very helpful. I honestly don't know what it'll take for me to change the way I see myself, partly because I always tend to focus on negative stuff rather than positive, and even if I do start to get somewhere then it doesn't take much to go back to square one. It's also partly because most of the stuff I think about myself is true, only most people either don't see it or are too polite to say so :P. I tried stepping outside myself a while back, as I have a very strong tendency to turn everything inwards, and told myself that here is a person, just like everyone else, and I owe it to that person to treat them well so they can achieve everything they're capable of, rather than 'oh I'm a loser, it's only me so it doesn't matter what happens to me because I'll never achieve anything anyway'. Maybe that's how everyone else views themselves or maybe I'm just being totally weird, I honestly don't know

but it worked a little, until I just got unmotivated again hehe.

Anyway I've gone on for absolutely ages talking about myself and not really dealing with your issue, but hopefully at least one thing I've said will ring true with your girlfriend even if it's not much help. I feel kind of stupid now so I'm just going to press the submit button :P all the best with your girlfriend and I hope she's ok. x

givemeaname · 02-24-2005, 08:44 AM

cheers for the post, u wernt wasting your time atal dont worry, infact you helped alot. yea i say i like her and stuff all the time, but it just dont seem to hit home, i just want to be able to get her to do somehting, and when she does it, have a boost of confidence, then i can build on that.

Guy

morningtheft · 02-25-2005, 05:11 AM

Well I'm glad I could help

I just wish I had a boyfriend as caring and selfless as you! I really wish I could help more, but then again I suppose if I could I wouldn't be in this situation myself! I'd say it's not so much getting a confidence boost in itself, it's maintaining it...at least with me anyway.

kerry1 · 02-25-2005, 12:11 PM

No matter how nice a boyfriend you are (you sound great) you may not be able to handle this alone. She may need professional help. There may be an underlying medical disorder. She may also need to talk to a therapist who specializes in eating disorders. It's not your role to cure her. BELIEVE me, I tried to cure a boyfriend and ended up nearly going off the deep end. That's what professionals are for. You might gently suggest she seek some counseling.

P.S. I've been told numerous times that I'm attractive, even gorgeous, but I always felt ugly, ugly, ugly. This was partly due to childhood abuse, that I needed five years of therapy to deal with, and partly due to clinical depression, which I treat with medication. So don't take responsibility for her low self-esteem!! It's not your fault.