I am gonna lose him........ - Mental Health Message Board

ASHEA · 02-23-2005, 03:48 PM

Hello, i need some help my confidence levels are really low,and i know it i am driving my boyfriend mad,,,you see im am 19 weeks pregnant and feel really really unattractive to him,i am paranoid that he is looking on the net for women to satistfy him or just to turn him on..he swears he isnt but something tells me he is inside....he says he wants to socialise more and i wont let him because i know obviously he will be near females and as a female i know what they are like........he is extremely attractive and gets noticed a lot and i know if i was single i would go for him and wats to stop him,,,love wouldnt,,,,we arent making love as often because it hurts me and this really stresses him out,,,,but that i cant help....he is only 19 and i am 22....but thats not to much age gap,,,,,,every woman who i see even when he does not look which he doesnt i accuse him of looking and wanting them more than me,,,,,,i cant help it,,but i do have panic disorder and depression and i dont think that helps and i will not take meds while im pregnant at all,,Thanks..........

mudhound · 02-26-2005, 06:21 PM

It would apear that love would concor all fears. Does he love you? If he cares he will try to stay with you thru thick and thin. I've been with the wife for 20+ years now. Without love, I would have been gone years ago.

hillaryb · 02-26-2005, 06:38 PM

I see you are taking the giant leap of parenthood with him...are you considering the small leap of marriage? Is he??? If it was discussed and he doesnt want to marry you, it could be a huge source of insecurity. It is immensely hard to be pregnant--I've been there twice. To do so with someone that you do not feel that connected with must be tough. At the same time, I Find that men run from insecurity, they dont want to "lift you up" they want you to be that person you were before you started freaking out. I know this offers you no solutions--Im sorry. Just speaking from all Ive seen. I wish you luck and hope you can stay joyful about the gift you are about to receive--motherhood will change your world. Try to remember--that can be a good thing!!!

VeronicaPolk · 03-03-2005, 04:50 PM

Being pregnant is one of the most beautiful things a women can ever experience. I just had my third child. And yes you might feel as if your getting fat which by the way is true but it's good fat. You are about to bring a wonderful being into this world. And I'm sure that your boyfriend loves and is IN love with you for the person you are not what you look like. I had that same fear of losing him to a slimmer women but like I said before he's with you for the person you are. And I heard that for myself from my husband. Keep your head up after you have your child you'll be even more sexy than you were before you got pregnant. Good luck and Congrats.

KStorts · 03-11-2005, 01:58 AM

I think you really just need to relax a bit. You may end up pushing him away because of your lack of trust. Has he ever done anything to you for you to not trust him? I mean, it is very obvious that you don't trust him, if I can see that, I am sure he can too, and if he does he may find it insulting and offensive. I have been pregnant 2 times, and I was insecure like many other pregnant women. I had a low self esteem to begin with. I had the same issues that you have mentioned having and when I voiced them to my husband, he couldn't believe that I thought he would actually cheat on me, and he was actually insulted by it. It wasn't until I really really thought about what I was saying to him, that I realized how unfair I was being to him by constantly thinking he was not committed to me.

The fact of the matter is, is that if it is meant to be, it will be. If he truely loves you he will be there for you and he won't run off for someone else. If he does leave for someone else, well then he did you a favor. You don't want someone sticking around just to be there when they don't really love you or whatever. This is probably just one of those funks pregnant women get into, and since I am assuming this is your first pregnancy and you are at that stage now where you are starting to show you are probably seeing the changes in your body. Just be patient with him, and try to really question where your lack of trust is coming from. If you realize that it is just you feeling insecure about your changing body- then let him know that and tell him what he can do to help you feel better about it (and asking him to isolate himself from others is not a solution).

Ask yourself what exactly do you need from him that you are not getting? Once you figure out what it is, then talk to him about that, but it sounds like you just need reassurance from him that you are still beautiful to him (and I would bet that he still thinks you are as beautiful as he did when you two created that little baby!).

Anyway, good luck with everything. Pregnancy can offer a wide range of emotions and insecurities, just know that many many pregnant women worry about getting "fat" when they are pregnant and suddenly feel like they are somehow gross, but realize that you are not fat, you are growing a beautiful baby, it is a miracle and many men actually find pregnant women very attractive.