meme1

Thanks so much. I hate being this way...I think about killing myself but I don't b/c Of my baby girl....I have no one to watch out for her. Why is it that it seems with this bpd (at least me) I feel my life is always in a sham? How do you cope with day to day life? He has never understood my problems,the way my brain works. Heck, I don't even understand it.I hate my life right now. I went to school and finally found something I can do after all these years. I have been working as a Realtor this first year and it's the only job I seem to be able to excel in b/c I feel more in control,not having a boss telling me be here at this time,do this,do that ect. But when something goes wrong in my life I seem to fall apart. He took my phone and everything now,I cannot even work without it,I feel like a child being grounded.This cannot be healthy but if he came back I would more than likely start the whole thing over with him b/c he has became more like an idol to me...it is a wierd screwed up situation,yet I cannot seem to see my way out of it. I get these surges of power sometimes where I feel strong enough to do anything (at times like this) but it seems like he cripples me but im really not sure.I HATE MY LIFE!I just wish I were more normal.