Hi Trashley,
Sounds like you are not having a good go of it for a long time...yeah, that is the understatement of the year!
Anyways, it seems to me like your grandmother has no idea how to handle the situations that you have described. And when someone doesn't know how to handle something, their defense mechanisms will come out. Like making fun of you when you took that bottle of pills. It wasn't the fact that you took pills that wouldn't do much...it was the fact that your grandmother didn't stop and think "hey, wait a minute, why would my granddaughter (i am assuming that you are female because of the tr-"ashley") be wanting to overdose and kill herself on pills?"
It kinda sounded to me that by her laughing at you, it only made you feel worse...and what would she have done if those pills were extremely harmful?
I know that you are young, and that your grandmother is your legal guardian, and has a say in everything that you do, but you are going to need to go see someone whom you can talk to, and tell them what is going on, and how your grandmother seems to disregard everything that you do as not a "real danger" and that she thinks that it is probably a phase.
You will be having to seek some help with dealing with the feelings surrounding your sexual abuse. Now is the time to try to get that help. Even if it means having a third party come in to try to talk to your grandmother to tell her that you are in need of counseling. If nothing is done soon, you will be an adult with a whole bunch of other problems because you have not resolved the issues that you have now.
The behaviour that you are exhibiting at the moment is textbook "acting out" of someone who has been abused as a child. And if it isn't taken care of right away, more problems, and worse ones will surface later on.
Keep looking for someone to help, there are people out there, even if you have to go behind your grandmother's back to get it...I am not saying that it is the best way to do it, but you are aware that you do need the help, and you are also aware that your grandmother is not allowing you to get it. You are very smart about knowing that something is wrong, and wanting to do something about it.
Take care and i hope that you get the answers that you need.
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