I don't have any emotions!!! - Mental Health Message Board

Ineedhelp808 · 08-26-2005, 11:19 PM

It's been nearly one year, and I still haven't gotten my emotions back.

Okay, so, here's what happened: I went through a radical emotional change. I used to be filled with the emotions of anger, hate, envy, and sorrow. Now, we all know those particular emotions aren't good ones to be living with.
Question; If you were consumed by those emotions, wouldn't you want them to change to better emotions, like joy, love, and pleasure? I'm going to assume that you're not a pseudo-death-worshiper and would rather have good emotions instead of having bad emotions.

Here's what I did: One night, I started thinking 'thoughts of love'. I was basically in a meditation. I relflected on my bad experiences in the past, and I tried to view them positivly, I imagined those bad experiences were of negligant significance. This went on for about half an hour.

Now, here's the change: It happened almost instantly. I felt my mind going in two different directions. Actually, it felt as if my mind had some sort of emotional split. I felt the thoughts of joy and extreme happiness emerging, but I wasn't ready for them! I still needed the thoughts of anger, it was almost as if my mind had mutually bonded with them, as in an addictive bond. Don't get me wrong, I love the feelings of joy, but my brain wouldn't be satisfied without the rushes of anger flowing through me, even though I didn't exactly want anger. The feelings of joy did not bring my brain satisfaction, although joy is a better emotion than anger. You see, I had anger bonded within me for years, and again, my minded developed a mutual bond with it, an addictive bond.

The feelings of joy did not bring hardly any emotions in the chest. I could only feel joy very, very lightly!!!!
I couldn't stand being without anger.. I kept thinking and thinking about wanting my anger back, while ignoring the joyfull feelings.. Eventually, the joyfull feelings faded away.

But you ask; can't you just think of a past experience that makes you angry? I've been trying that since day 1!! I cannot arouse anger. And, at this point, nearly one year after the change (actually, this occurred about one or two weeks after the change), I can't arouse any emotions at all, wether they be happy, sad, or angry. In fact, I can't arouse sexual emotions!

Unless you've experienced a situation similar, you probably can't even imagine what I've been going through. I can't remember anything. My memory has faded away. I can't remember what I did yesterday, I can't remember what I did a week ago, I can hardly remember my summer vacation!

I used to let my emotions have an influence behind my actions. But because I don't have any emotions, everything I do is out of compulsions or 'fact weighing' (analysing).

Can someone PLEASE help me? Please tell me what happened to me. Please tell me if I'll ever get my emotions and memory back. There have been many times when I've thought about ending my life because my emotions won't come back.. Please help me, your responce may save my life.

Ruth6:11 · 08-27-2005, 06:55 AM

It almost seems to me that you have transcended your emotions.
Much like a Buddhist (or Jedi Knight) might do.
If you were to choose to not seek out therapy for this I would imagine that you could actually excel in several areas...
High stress positions where emotions get in the way: working with the abused, brain surgeon, social worker, the list goes on & on.
You don't mention your age - are you employed or in school?

Therapy might get you back your anger although I'm not clear why you want it back!
Otherwise it's kind of being handed a new you - a clean slate - to become a person you could have never been before.

I don't know if this makes sense - but it seems that the experience you went through came from outside yourself - maybe someone up there has a plan with all of this...

kerry1 · 08-27-2005, 10:09 AM

Try therapy?

You sound frustrated, not transcendent of your emotions. I know what you mean when you miss your anger. Anger is a powerful emotion and a driving force that can cause positive change. You need to explore why you aren't in touch with your emotions anymore - I'm guessing they're still there, buried.

Ineedhelp808 · 08-27-2005, 09:21 PM

I am a 16-year-old and I was 15-years-old when this problem occured.

My parents, although they don't believe a word I say, have sent me to a therapist. I have been seeing him since last febuary, and nothing has improved.

You may think that having stress is a bad thing. But have you experienced living without stress along with a phycological mindset pertaining to living without stress and without emotions? There are both positive and negative factors included in the possession and dispossession of emotions, however, the positive factors in the possession of emotions outweigh the negative factors. On the other hand, the negative factors in the dispossession of emotions outweigh the positive factors.

I cannot be without stress and with emotions. Rather, without stress, I am without emotions.

This is not frustration. I believe that frustration can be a behavioral influence which deviates from the anger. As I have said before, I do not have any anger whatsoever. Therefore I cannot be frustrated.
In previous post, I mentioned how much of my reasoning was based off of compulsional influences rather than emotional influences. Just because you percieved frustration in my post doesn't exactly mean there was any.

Before we talk more, I was wanting someone to please explain to me what 'transcending your emotions' means. How does it scientifically work? Do those who have transcended their emotions ever regain them?

Ruth6:11 · 08-28-2005, 09:58 AM

If I had to guess, I'd say you have an extraordinarily high IQ. Extremely analytical.
A real gift - except that most geniuses always lag a bit behind emotionally.
Their brains are hard-wired to take incoming data and process it. Not attach feelings to them.
My cousin married a brilliant man. He has clearance to work on govt. computers etc. But a conversation with him leaves me feeling that while we both spoke English I wasn't quite getting his conversational connections.
Check out the Mensa society if a high intellectual capacity might be a reason for you.

Otherwise, transcending your emotions is more of a spiritual state of mind - usually attained after alot searching/seeking within - or in a blinding bolt of lightening type experience. You would feel alot more peace deep inside yourself if this were the case now that I think about it...

I wish I knew a little bit more about what else was going on in your life a year ago. Family dynamics and stuff. And there was a relationship that led to the meditation?
Anything else involved with the meditation that may have affected you chemically?
Your description of the moment this happened is very vivid. Like an axis or a pivotal point occurred.

Hang in there, ok? You sound like a very self-aware person and that will help you sort this out... In the meantime, don't forget that you're o.k here - you don't need emotions to click away on a keyboard!
Ruth