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Old 10-10-2005, 01:56 PM   #1
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CarolinNC HB User
Can Child Abuse affect You 22 yrs later

Hey guys, I will start by saying I was terribly abused by my mother beginning at age 12 until around 17. I am now 40 yrs old and it seems that I have never been well since I went thru the abuse years ago. I was physically,mentally and pyscologically abused. I had a nervous brkdown when I was 17 and was told I could no longer live there. Well, I moved out on my own and worked 2 jobs until I got married 11 years ago although I was out of work numerous times due to illness. Well here it is 22 yrs later and I have lost a total of 5 jobs due to back surgery and pain,fibromyalgia,ibs,acid reflux,hyptothyroidism and kidney stones. Can all the stress in the past cause me to continuely be sick? I have been on medication ever since I was 17 and went to outpatient therapy. I just always made myself work because I had no choice. I am just really confused. My marriage suffers because I cannot stand for him to touch me and I wonder if it stems from me being abused. He is a wonderful man and never has harmed me. I cannot remember ever being sexually abused but yet I feel like this. Can anyone help me > Do any of you feel the same way? I have never been able to open up and show my affection or even tell someone I love you... As you can see I am a real mess...Any comments would be great..

Last edited by CarolinNC; 10-11-2005 at 07:59 AM.

 
Old 10-11-2005, 09:27 AM   #2
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ritzylady77 HB User
Re: Can Child Abuse affect You 22 yrs later

Hi CarolinNC,

Yes, child abuse can affect you 22 yrs later! It can affect you at any time.
I noticed that you mentioned that you had been to outpatient therapy...did it help some?
If you have unresolved issues in the past, the mind has a funny way of making you deal with it; be it depression, or constantly being sick. Stress does that too....the stress from your past.
Your not wanting your husband to touch you is very understandable, because that seems to trigger memories for you. Has it always been this way? I hope not...because it is better to deal than to bury.
What is happening in your life now, and probably since you were 17 years old, has been the aftermath of what your mother did. When emotions, memories etc are not dealt with in an efficient manner, all sorts of other problems arise.
Seek counseling to deal with these memories, and try to talk to your mother about them too, if that is possible. A big thing, is that we have to say what's needed to be said, if it is eating away at us. If it is possible, tell your mother how you felt, etc. If you can't do this, then start with therapy and then try to do it (I am assuming your mother is still alive, if she isn't, sorry and please let me know) at a later time, when you feel comfortable with it.
Another thing, don't shut your husband out, I hope that you talk to him about how you are feeling. Communication is the biggest support that one can have. I say this about communication, because my husband has been through similar in his childhood, and he is not communicating with me....which is causing a huge strain....and loss of patience.

Hope that this has helped some, keep us posted.

Take care,
__________________
Life should not be measured by how many breath we take, but by how many moments take our breath away

Last edited by ritzylady77; 10-11-2005 at 09:31 AM. Reason: changing some info.

 
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Old 10-11-2005, 02:35 PM   #3
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CarolinNC HB User
Re: Can Child Abuse affect You 22 yrs later

Ritzylady77 thanks for the reply. I failed to tell you that she past away 2 years ago in dec of this year. The last 6 mths of her life were terrible. She went blind,had diabetes since she was a child. I think the reason I cannot get past it, I helped take care of her before she died. Believe me it was the hardest thing I ever done after all the memories of her abusing me and my dad. But, I could not leave all of it up to my dad.My dad has been my life..he has always been there when she never was. I am currently in thearpy but it doesn't seem to help. The doctor has also changed my medication around too. I just keep having nightmares of the two of us yelling and screaming or her hurting my dad. My dad is one in a million. He drove a truck while I was living at home and he didnot realize what was happening. I just never knew what to expect. One day I would be home and she would be good to me, the next she might lock me out of the house and even tried to sufficate me with a pillow one time. It just seems that something that long ago would not affect me now. Does you hubby have a hard time showing his affection and with anxiety and depression? I would love to hear more responses from someone who has dealt with this matter....

 
Old 10-22-2005, 02:33 PM   #4
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: sudbury, Ontario
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ritzylady77 HB User
Re: Can Child Abuse affect You 22 yrs later

Hi CarolinNC,

Sorry that i haven't checked on this thread in a while, so i figured that i should reply again this time, because i may forget again.
How have you been feeling since the last time? I hope that you are feeling a little better. It is always so hard to deal with parent(s) who don't treat you the way that they should. Because they are supposed to be there to support and help you out, and not hurt you, it is hard to get your head around it. That is why you are having such a tough time now, because you are realising more now that it isn't right. I know that you realised it before, but something probably has triggered the feelings to come rushing back again. It was probably you having to take care of your mom. Which, by the way was a very noble thing for you to do, considering. I am really happy to hear that you have had a good relationship with your father, so you had at least one parent that you could trust.
How long have you been in therapy? Sometimes, therapy takes a long while before seeing any improvement.
You asked me if my husband is distant with me affection wise, he is a little, but mostly it is me that is. Ever since he has gotten worse (since being diagnosed) I have felt like i don't know this man, and therefore i have become somewhat cold that way. This probably doesn't help you much, i wish that i could say something different. I am this way because it is a coping mechanism with me, to keep away emotionally somewhat, to save my own sanity.
It is a very difficult situation that you are in, and it may take a long while until you start feeling normal again (whatever normal may be). Just keep up with your therapy and taking your medication and hopefully you will start to feel somewhat better soon.
Sorry if i haven't been much help this posting, but if you have any questions that i can try to answer, feel free to ask them.

Take care,
__________________
Life should not be measured by how many breath we take, but by how many moments take our breath away

Last edited by ritzylady77; 10-22-2005 at 02:37 PM.

 
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