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Himera 12-06-2005 08:17 PM

Anyone Want To Play Connect The Dots With My Problems?
 
Recently I've started wonder if I have any sort of, well more then average problems. It's not something I've never wondered about before but I've started thinking about it a lot the last little while mainly when I started reading about autism. Now, I don't think I have any form of autism (or at least the test results said I didn't) but from that I just started wondering about myself.

So I made a list of odd things about me ranging from very strange to sort of normal.

Sorry for the length, another problem I have is never retelling stories in a short manner - if someone asks for a movie summary and it's almost impossible for me to not tell them the whole movie - in which I'm sure they get lost before the half way mark.

- I've always had a hard time making friends, in high school I only had one really close friend (who now is basically my only real life friend), besides her I've had a few other "friends", the others I mostly only saw in school.

- I'm not interested in relationships beyond that of being friends, that sort of intimacy scares me and at the same time I also don't think I would want it. Pretty much a never been kissed and not interested, and only been attracted to two people my whole life. So, asexual there? Maybe just repressed? Who knows.

- I've always been very shy. Over the years I've become less shy then when I was younger, just this summer a family friend that hadn't seen me in a while told me I'm no longer shy like I was when I was a little girl, which sort of surprised me because I was still nervous tlaking to her, I think the only thing that changed is that I know her better. I think having a close friend in high school changed me somewhat, but I'm still the quite one most of the time.

- As long as I can remember I've had problems talking to people over the phone, and find it basically impossible to phone someone, even at the expense of my family becoming annoyed that I won't be thanking someone for a gift. The only people I feel conformable phoning are my mother or father... and I supose I don't have a problem talking to my friend, as long as I know she'll be the one answering the phone, thought I don't really phone her or my mother at all, they have to phone me. When I was younger I didn't even want to phone my childhood friend that I've known since I was three.

- I don't like the idea of having to socially interact with a large group of people of people. Even more so if I don't know very well.

- While I don't mind hanging out with my friend, I like being alone more often then not. If I were to stay at my friends house over night I'd feel the need to evacuate the scene and get some peace and quite the nest day. I sort of feel weird about this because sometimes when I'm leaving my friend will be like "you could stay longer you know..." and I feel really bad and generally try and make up an excuse, because I think she may think I don't like spending time with her...

- I like collecting things and have an over the top obsession with some TV series, so I sort of live in my own little world.

- I have huge problems adjusting to changes.

- I've never had a job and I'm scared of getting one, I'm also scared of leaning to drive a car.... both just seem too difficult to maintain and also seem scary.

- Even since I can remember, snoring or odd breathing has driven be CRAZY. I'd yell at my dad to stop "breathing like that!", he's the only one I'd feel conformable enough to yell at about it but with others it will still grate on my nerves.

- As long as I can remember I've talked to myself when I'm alone, sort of like thinking out lound, but never never others are in the house/area.

- I could get work done in class but when it came to homework I could NEVER focus long enough and would never get it done. I'd conveniently miss school to finish it and even then I would not get it finished or generally not even start it. I'd manage to do anything but my work and as a result miss months of school a year for this sole reason.

At first I always thought of this as being lazy but after a point it was like a serious question of what the hell I was doing, I knew I wouldn't get my work done, I knew if I missed school I wouldn't get it done anyway, yet I still missed school... and even if I didn't enjoy school much I absolutely hated missing school... yet I still couldn't get my work done. It got so bad that the school made me see a counsellor once when I didn't want to return to school - if I missed a few days, I might as well miss a few more was the way I looked at it. I never really opened up to the guy so they never learned a thing, expect I told them when I'd go back to school, and I did... so I never saw them again.

- As from the above you can tell I have serious avoiding issues in everything to do with a normal life.

- I had even less friends in elementary school, like, maybe none in the first few years of school... I was placed in some "friend" program around grade five that only contained one other student. It goes without saying people thought I was weird and I was called a few names, nothing overly serious... mostly. I don't remember how I acted back then, I image I was far stranger then I am now.

The reason I say that is because back then I didn't pay attention to how people were suppose to act. Sort of like, I played with toys in the bath until around grade seven. Ideas like "what's cool" and the "clothing trends" were beyond me. For instance, on picture day I'd just wear what my parents would tell me to wear and as a result when comparing myself now to other kids clothing back then I'd look ridiculous... hahaha, back then I didn't even notice. Even when I did catch on I was never interested in following trends, my parents bought all my clothes without me caring too much of what the clothes would look like (I'd want plan clothes and jeans, that's all that mattered). Until I was in grade nine or ten my parents picked out my clothes because I've never liked clothes shopping. I still don't care about clothes but I'd rather pick my own.

- I was never good with math, from grade four on I was in a special class. I was better then many kids in the class later on, but I don't remember what I was learning now. All I can do really is add and subtract, even division I never remembered.

- I was told I had slower hand/brain connections so taling notes would be slower. While I don't notice this as much with affecting video games, I was one of the slowest people in class to take notes.

- For the above two points I was told this was because I was premature by a few months, but I'm never too sure.

- My grade four speciality math teacher thought I had ADD. Everyone disagreed with her... and considering I can sit in front of the computer all day long I guess she was wrong. I don't know what she saw in me in relation to ADD. I do know however that I disagreed with her on some things to the point where she phoned my house once. I remember being really upset saying I didn't do it internally, she was the only teacher I have disputed before most teachers I've liked, and to this day I don't know why I did it. Maybe I just didn't like her? I sure know she didn't like me...

- For as long as I can remember I haven't been like most people with the urge to grow up. I've always been scared of the idea, and I guess it's really starting to show now that I'm older.

- I have sensitive skin to wool or anything similar to it, I've never been able to stand the stuff - it makes me very itchy and I have to take the clothes off almost right away.

- I've always been a very picky eater. I examine my food, and I've never been able to stand eating anything fatty. I don't mean like bacon where it's burned off, but where there is fat I can't stand it. I've gone as far as bitting into fat and almost puking many times.

I think the above long summary of my life sort of lists most odd things I can think of about myself. Comment on something or possibly if you think I have a some disorder go ahead and tell me. I'd like to know opinions!

PS: I'm sorry if this is the wrong area to be posthing this too, I wasn't sure where to post my curiosity but my oddness in general.

lynalhaugen 12-06-2005 09:01 PM

Re: Anyone Want To Play Connect The Dots With My Problems?
 
Sorry you're having problems. You really should print this and take it to a doctor, I'm sure they would point you in the right direction. I think you should also look up "Social Anxiety Disorder" and "obsessive/compulsive disorder" on the internet and see if you notice any similarities. Good luck :wave:

Himera 12-06-2005 10:50 PM

Re: Anyone Want To Play Connect The Dots With My Problems?
 
Thanks for the quick reply! I'll look into those. I do seem to have things in common with Social Anxiety Disorder and OCD just from looking around the threads on here. I was just thinking how I should print this and take it to someone, seeing as talking to a person about my problems would feel really... impossible, at least in full details.

I guess this topic should be moved to the "Mental Health" section :rolleyes:

ariel_ascending 12-07-2005 02:47 PM

Re: Anyone Want To Play Connect The Dots With My Problems?
 
WOW......i can TOTALLY relate to you. i have many of the same problems: i HATE talking on the phone, i rarely ever call people and get nervous when i do, i'm very shy especially in large groups, i procrastinate all the time!!! <---when i read that, i was like oh my God.....i actually am on the verge of losing a scholarship bc i never turned in some essays (i would start and then get flustered and not want to do it and then quit) and my GPA has dropped!!!

i was reading on the internet yesterday about procrastinating, and this one article listed some reasons that really hit home for me: fear of being evaluated, tying your actions and performance to self worth, fear of success, and resentment or trying to assert your independence by choosing NOT to fulfill your duties. that last one is EXACTLY how i feel about procrastination. i resent that i have to do all that work, it seems so meaningless, so i convince myself it's stupid and not worth it. or else i worry about it and feel guilty for weeks and then end up not doing it anyway. its a vicious cycle.

i don't feel asexual like you, on the contrary i REALLY want to find someone. its really embarrassing to admit, but i develop intense crushes on people. i live more in my mind and fantasies that real life. but i have never had a boyfriend even though i'm pretty attractive and can be outgoing at times. i'm terrified of intimacy and i don't know how to act in relationships. i HATE it. i feel so lonely. and the worst thing is that its a self imposed lonliness...

i also hate change and like to keep to a schedule bc it makes me feel safe, like i at least have SOME control over my life. i'm afraid to go out on a limb and interact with people bc its too scary for me. i'd rather live my boring, lonely, safe life.

i had one pretty close friend but we're growing apart. its wierd, after awhile i find little nitpicky things that i dont like about people, and i start to feel like i dont like them and its not worth being friends with them. and so i withdraw, leading me to have no friends!!

i'm afraid of growing up too. i have alot of little everyday errands i should have done along time ago but i haven't done them. its really self destructive bc i never get anything done and as a result i'm in a constant state of guilt and stress...

i dont like interacting with people. i am also really intimidated by authority figures (probably related to my abusive father).

the thing you said about snoring reminded me of an incident when i was around 5. i was in a car with my mom and grandma and they were talking and i got so upset and said "be quiet! i'm trying to yawn and i need to concentrate! i can't yawn with you talking!". it kind of alarmed them and my grandma was like "her dad was the same way when he was younger", and my dad is a little crazy so....the implication is that i'm like him. i've always been extremely irritable and sad. my mom thought i was autistic when i was younger but i've never been tested. if i had to choose, i would say i am definitely major depressive with social anxiety and possible avoidant personality disorder (which is more serious unfortunately). i really want to be evaluated by a therapist so i can know FOR SURE what i do have. the last and only therapist i went to thought i was ADD which was SOOO wrong, i was a little antsy and intimidated in that situation, and it was hard to verbally express myself bc i wanted him to understand me and HELP me with the pain. it was anxiety related, not ADD!! ugh. that scares me also, that i wont be able to find a good therapist who really "gets" me. i'm so afraid of being misdiagnosed.

anyway, i dont have much advice to offer you. i just thought our similarities were really striking. i'm sure i'll think of more things after i post this lol :)

anyone else out there who can relate?

mad jamison 12-07-2005 03:13 PM

Re: Anyone Want To Play Connect The Dots With My Problems?
 
You mentioned being tested for autism, but did you know that autism is a spectrum disorder with many sub-categories and different degrees of severity? :wave: Some forms of autism are considered high-functioning, such as Asperger Syndrome. With autism and AS the major feature is difficulty with social skills. People with most types of autism have trouble reading body language, facial expressions, and other peoples emotional states.

But along with the social issues, there are usually other symptoms as well, such as sensory issues. Many people on the autism spectrum don't like to be touched, don't like loud noises, or many sensory inputs at the same time. Another symptom of an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is unusual body motions like rocking or flapping the arms or making noises with the mouth. People with ASDs may have symptoms that look like ADD, OCD, or other disorders.

If your symptoms are mild and you can manage without help, that's fine. But if these traits or symptoms are causing you anxiety or other difficulties, maybe you want to get tested again. Some of the higher functioning forms of autism weren't very well known even a few years ago. There's a lot more information now. Hope this helps.

Himera 12-07-2005 04:51 PM

Re: Anyone Want To Play Connect The Dots With My Problems?
 
Thank you for the information on autism. I looked into Asperger Syndrome and also did an online test, which scored me as a 27 out of a possible 50 (50 being extreme). The score was higher then normal people (most females scoring 15), while anything between 23-31 is above average it also said most people with Asperger are over 35, so I still don't think I have autism.

stay2gether 12-14-2005 05:59 PM

Re: Anyone Want To Play Connect The Dots With My Problems?
 
hiya

i can relate in some ways too. im quite antisocial and enjoy spending alot of time on my own.....i have mild agraphobia and dont leave the house unless i really have to......my mam says to me that she doesnt know how i can just stay in the house and that this is probably the reason for my depression, which im on meds for, but i know being in the house isnot the reason. i enjoy staying in, i feel safe in here and dont get stressed. i get stressed really easy.
i dont see being antisocial as odd.....its just the way some ppl are, alot of ppl enjoy peace and quiet.

i dont work either, i have always hated every job iv had, theyve made me so miserable in the past, and although id really love more cash for me i feel its better to have the time untill i find something id enjoy doing.

snoring and other ppls breathing really irritates me at night and i cant get to sleep in the same room as someone else, i have to be alone........
this does cause problems, i have a boyf. and i cant sleep in the same bed as him and it makes me feel so bad, but when i do i just lye in bed awake all night stressed and frustrated and then am all grumpy and stressed the next day through lack of sleep....ppl who dont have these issues just dont understand and it can be very hard sometimes, say if i have to stay in a hotel room with someone.

i have very little confidence and quite low self esteem, i am going to change this though. im in counselling

how old are you by the way?

Himera 01-03-2006 03:55 PM

Re: Anyone Want To Play Connect The Dots With My Problems?
 
It's nice to hear from someone with a few of the same problems, stay2gether :) I don't think counselling would go ove well for me but I hope it helps for you, I don't think I'd be able to open up to some stranger and at the price I think I'd rather go over my problems with a brick wall. Heh... oh, and I'm 19.

curiouskittie 01-10-2006 05:17 PM

Re: Anyone Want To Play Connect The Dots With My Problems?
 
At first when I was reading your list of symptoms, I suspected that you might of been "gifted" or intellectually gifted(which means you have a higher than normal IQ) which would explain the isolation and the oversensitivity. However you said you were bad with math(past the elementary mathematics), so I suspect you're just really good at talking and communicating and using words.

My diagnosis:
You sound like somewhat overly sensitive(not overly sensitive in the bad sense, but just more sensitive then what's normal) and somewhat withdrawn individual which is common for introverts. Usually someone who is an introvert only has very few friends, but whom are very close which is what popped in my mind when you mentioned your very close high school friend. Also introverts typically need a lot of time alone to "recharge" in a sense.
To find out for sure whether or not you maybe an introvert; why don't you find an online personality profile test to see exactly what personality type you are. I think that might provide a lot of insight into yourself.

But... if you still feel like your personality type isn't a valid explanation - You should see a counsellor and maybe she/he can tell exactly what's happening. Most of the users online can only get a rough estimate of what's going on with you, and not being trained professionals, the best you're probably going to get is a guess.

I'm thinking, maybe at most, you may have shyness and if you're shy enough, you may have social anxiety disorder. But I have my doubts that you have social anxiety disorder.


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