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Old 01-05-2006, 04:48 AM   #1
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Bi-Polar??? What is this Please????

Monday, for no appearent reason I started crying uncontrollably and had an overwhelming sense of doom. I also felt like I could actually hurt myself. It was an overwhelmig desire to hurt myself. It took everything to keep from doing it. I just balled myself up on the couch and rode it out.

This has happened before but only two other times. It is as if I am right on the edge you know? I felt trapped and so scared. I could have actually hurt myself if there hadn't been someone there with me I don't know what I would have done. Later that day, I was fine. Also, Spending money gives me a high.

Sometimes my anger is so tremendous. It scares me and my daughter. I just get so mad and then next thing you know, I am fine.

I am doing some research on bi-polar right now. I am hoping that this is not the case. If you have untreated depression or anxiety can it develop into bi-polar or BPD????

Thanks[/FONT][/FONT]

 
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Old 01-05-2006, 05:06 AM   #2
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Re: Bi-Polar??? What is this Please????

It actually sounds more like BPD to me. Do you self-injure? If so, then it's probably borderline. Could you tell me a little more about your "highs" so I can help with the diagnosis? Write back soon!
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Old 01-06-2006, 06:03 AM   #3
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Re: Bi-Polar??? What is this Please????

My highs are euphoric. I love everything and everyone. Overwhelming love. I go shopping and it feels great. I love to shop sometimes, almost to the point that it feel that I am on drugs. I have not injured myself yet but I sometimes think that if maybe I cut myself or something else to myself, I would feel better. I feel like there is nowhere to turn sometimes during my lows. So scary. Like I can't even run from myself, which I can't.

Then other times, I am so agitated. To the point where I yell at everyone. Downright mean and damaging comments that hurt them. This has gotten prgressively worse this year. I am scared. I thought all I had was anxiety but it seems it may go deeper than that.

Can you tell me anything more?

Thanks

 
Old 01-06-2006, 09:06 AM   #4
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Re: Bi-Polar??? What is this Please????

How long do the euphoric highs last? Hours? Days? Weeks? During your highs, in addition to the love of shopping, do you have any of the following symptoms:
increased energy
feel more talkative and talk faster
decreased need for sleep
the feeling that you're on "top-of-the-world"
the feeling that you can do anything
an increase in the number of projects you're involved in
the feeling that your mind is sharper and clearer
irritability when someone doesn't agree with you or your plans
and/or hallucinations and delusions?
If so, this is probably (hypo)mania, especially if it lasts a week or longer. But, if you find that you quickly go from loving everyone to wanting to kill yourself the next, this may be BPD. For BPD, do you find that you:
have trouble finding your identity
have a need to be loved to the point where you feel intense jealousy and neglect
feel that cutting yourself would let out your emotional pain
go from saying, "I love you" to someone, to "I hate you" within minutes?
These are classic symptoms of BPD. That's the tricky thing about distinguishing BPD from manic-depression: you have to really understand the "highs". If you have any more questions, let me know!
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Old 01-07-2006, 03:26 PM   #5
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Re: Bi-Polar??? What is this Please????

My moods can change within the day. I have never had a euphoric feeling last longer than a day. I guess it is the BPD. I have done that, I love you then I hate you within minutes. What do I do now? I am not feeling very optomistic today. Today is a bad day. Thoughts of hurting myself are almost a daily occurance. I feel stifled right now. I want to take a walk but am afraid I won't come home. I have a 10 yr old and that is not an option. I don't know what to do from here.


I FEEL THIS:

have trouble finding your identity
have a need to be loved to the point where you feel intense jealousy and neglect
feel that cutting yourself would let out your emotional pain

Last edited by NVR2L8; 01-07-2006 at 03:31 PM.

 
Old 01-07-2006, 06:31 PM   #6
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Re: Bi-Polar??? What is this Please????

There is an excellent self-injury board here at HealthBoards. I am bipolar (BPD refers to borderline personality disorder NOT BiPolar Disorder!) and have found from my time here at HB that it is entirely possible to have a mood disorder AND a personality disorder all at one time. Just like someone can have diabetes and coronary heart disease together.

Have you seen a doctor at all? I would strongly suggest that only a doctor can really diagnose you... Keep a journal for a month or two. With your moods, thoughts, needs to cut, anger, etc. Bipolar doesn't need any "reason" for mood changes. In it's most severe form the highs and lows become psychotic and lows catatonic.

Cutting and obsessive thoughts are not normally symptom of bipolar disorder - they are generally rooted in childhood or other disorders.

Seeing a doctor would be a surer bet for finding what is wrong and getting the right help. Once you know what it really is you can get the best help here!!

 
Old 01-07-2006, 06:56 PM   #7
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Re: Bi-Polar??? What is this Please????

Hi, I wanted to wish you well, you are not alone. R and G just gave you some good info, so I would just have you follow their advice.

Ruth and Gatsby, you guys are 's!

 
Old 01-08-2006, 08:30 AM   #8
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Re: Bi-Polar??? What is this Please????

Thanks Yalp, it's just that I'm an older than the hills is all!!
Ruth

 
Old 01-08-2006, 01:06 PM   #9
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Re: Bi-Polar??? What is this Please????

Thanks guys. I really do appreciate your help. Today is a bit better. I am going to go to the doc here this week sometime. I have had only 3 moods swings today. It sucks. Alot of stress right now. Not helping I don't think. You all take care and i will keep you updated.

thanks a bunch.

 
Old 01-08-2006, 02:05 PM   #10
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Re: Bi-Polar??? What is this Please????

Wishing you well, now and forever...

 
Old 01-08-2006, 09:11 PM   #11
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Talking Re: Bi-Polar??? What is this Please????

you neen help. If you cannot help yourself, find someone who can help you. In your lowest lows just remember your are not alone. Once you come out of it, find some help. There are places in each county that help people with needs like this. Look into the department of health for your county.
It will be and easy search. go to googel and type in department of health and then your county. Once you find the help which usually is free and annymonious there you will hopefuly feel better.
Good luck

 
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