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Old 01-11-2006, 05:16 AM   #1
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Contest between sisters, who hurts more

The title tells the tale. I have a younger sister, 44 who HAS to one up me on everything. Now this has spread into our health. I try not to say anything to my extended family about my health trials, but somehow my sister manages to bring up all her woes (worse than anyone else has ever suffered). Her husband then tells us all the gory details--her pain, her lack of help, her medications which are so much more dangerous than any of the rest of us could ever take...etc. It is maddening and it makes me not want to go to any family get togethers.

I am not in competition for who feels the worst. Or who takes the more dangerous drugs etc. She used to say she had Fibromyalgia, but now she has a "wonder doctor", who says FM isn't real, now she has RA. I believe she does have RA, but now all she can say is "FM is not a real thing." To me. Since she KNOWS I have been Dxed with FM.

My mother is in collusion with her and only adds to the tension I feel. I will go home if my sister won't be there, but otherwise I don't try. What is it that members of your own family feel they must be the #1 suffering member? I would like to be the #1 NON-suffering member!
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Old 01-12-2006, 12:47 PM   #2
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Re: Contest between sisters, who hurts more

My family is like this too, it used to drive me nuts - someone else always had to be worse off. I think it stems from insecurity to be honest. I did six years of therapy and finally decided the best thing to do was to keep away from them. The problem is you can't change them, you can only change the way you react to them. I decided that trying to keep check of the way I felt took up too much energy and it was easier not to see them (I had tried to talk to them countless times, wrote letters etc but to no avail). So now the only one I do see is my mum, and that isn't very often.

Sorry not to have something a bit easier to give you! Hope you're able to find some way of getting through this.

 
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Old 01-12-2006, 04:55 PM   #3
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Re: Contest between sisters, who hurts more

Picali,

Thanks for the reply. I was feeling really down when I posted. In all honesty, I really wish there was a way to be around my dear sister. But I only see them a couple times a year and that is for the best. One thing is we have never had a conflict--ever. I won't allow anything to get out of hand. I see a psychologist who sees that maybe I could allow myself to "feel" more about these things. He is right of course. It is cathartic to let my hair hang down on the boards and hear from a fellow in the same situation. Again, thanks!
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