jared17

What the problem is: *I get a thought I don't like in my head and I can't get it out. (not like worrying to death about something) a thought about something in the past or just anything I wasn't fond of.
--For Example , When This Happens , if this occurs right before I go out with my friends:

-once I feel better again, and am happy , it's difficult to maintain...everything reminds me of stuff i don't like- colours, numbers, certain words people use in their sentences.
-For example: the number 13 reminds me of this guy that was number 13 on my team. I don't like him for some reason. ---I'm out and I read the number 13 , boom , that comes to my mind , and I can't get it out, I'm not the same. and sometimes the thought doesnt go away , even when I try to get it to , which I can sometimes do , it still there. Two hours after it's still there , so with that the past 2 hours weren't as good, I didnt feel the same cuz that was on my mind. so I wasn't my self. a real **** off.
Things like , I catch a glimpse at something I dont like , if there's a poster up or something with a colour that's goin to remind me of something. I try not to look at it.

Then at the end of the night , if I didnt get things right in my head before I left. I think man the way I talked to that person, or the way I walked, or moved, or the things I did. weren't the same, or the way they could of/should of been if I would sorted thoughts of my mind out before I left.

Makes me almost tired of doing things with my friends and girlz.
-too much of a hastle to bring myself to being ..which ever way I am, or decide to be

It's sort of like I have two brains working , one with what Im doing at the present time , and the other is in in the back with the thoughts. (If I set that one in the back strate before I do something or go out , then it's set on like good haha, and then the one in the front is easier to do , more enjoyable , and clear.) If I don't and the back brain is concerned about this unknown problem, Then that effects the front brain.-what I'm doing.
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physical Symptoms:
-I have headaches , sometimes in some specific areas , sometimes my entire brain feels worn out and tired.
-Patterns appear in my vision , like a disign and it's moving.
-At night , when my eyes are closed or open I see white things , kinda like a blank tv screen, that's there in the day too.
-I see a white light, appears lot durin the day and at night , eyes closed or open , it comes to me (picture an old 8mm film movie being broken and on the screen your watching, that white light kinda burns through the picture.)
-and some mornings I wake up and just feel sick to my stomach.
-Also it's like I forget to breathe. I realize that I haven't breathed for a while , so I do. I even try breathing normal it just doesn't continue, I just breathe in little breaths and the occasional larger one. (like it's a chore to breathe) This occurs a lot during the day. and no it's not sleep apnea.

the history:
-I use to be really obsessive compulsive , when I was around 12 I use to get on my knees for a second and say the word 'checkpoint'. I did that whenever I liked a moment that was goin' on. Even though nothing was ever bad. . haha . I think because in the same sense as videogames , if I died, I would come back to where I currently was.
-I use to have serious migraines where I would hold my head and cry
-I use to feel something in my head , it was a warm sensation. like it felt like warm water and spread like someone cracked an egg between my brain and skull.
(That use to happen alot , I asked some ppl if they get that feeling and every1 wud say no , so I was 2 embarassed to ask anymore.)