babiblujay

Ok, this is going to be quite a long post, so brace yourselves. Let's start at the very beginning...

I'm 20, going back to college after taking a year off of school to take care of my mom, who had gastric cancer. She recently passed away, january 2006. I don't have a father, so I'm completely independant. Well, after my mom passed away, I had to sell the house, deal with her abusive husband who wanted to take over the house that wasn't his... bla bla.. long story short, I had a very stressful year and 5 months. Now, everything has settled down on my part, but new problems arise with my boyfriend.

You see, he's stuck with me through all my mom's sickness, even while I was out of the country taking care of her on and off, back and forth throughout the year my mom was sick. Sure, we had arguments while we were apart for that time, and we broke up a couple times, but got back together because of all the stress and how we couldn't see each other. We went to high school together, but didn't officially become bf/gf till we got to college. Fate has it that we ended up going to the same college, and eventually, we moved in together. It's been a little over 2 years now. Current situation : we live together. I had to move all my mom's belongings from a 4 bedroom house and cram it into our tiny 1 bedroom apartment. I have a dog, a cat, 3 reptiles and fish. Then there's the problem of cleaning, cooking etc. etc. However, despite of all this, my bf has been great in helping me clean and cook. in fact, we do this together. We also work together. I know what you're going to say... working together causes lots of problems and such... yea I agree, it causes some arguements, but it's not as bad as people say. At least not for me.

Anyways, even after all this stress, plus getting back into school after a year off, my bf is having issues with his mom. First off, his mom hates me. Second, she's an extremely controlling mother towards him. He's been on his phone talking to his mother (yes it's his mother and not some other women) about school and me. His mom STILL doesn't know that we're together, but she does know that we live together. She thinks we're just friends. His mom just won't allow him to date...so he's afraid of telling her that we're together...

What the major issue here is that she keeps on wanting him to major in biology. He started as biology, but he really really hates it. He's pretty much failing in it even...What he really wants to do is econ: business. I support him 100% in this. However, recently, he mentioned to his mom that he isn't happy doing biology, and she's has been throwing a fit for days. Pretty much, for the past week or so, they would argue on the phone about this whole thing for hours and hours on end. Just yesterday, he talked to her for about 7 hours on and off throughout the day. I don't even have time to talk to him anymore... He actually already changed his major to econ, but he's afraid to let his mom know because she threatens to disown him (Chinese btw) and make him go live back home with her beacause he's not doing what she wants. She is so stubborn and close minded to the point where all he can do to make her happy is to become, (typically in the Asian culture) a doctor. BUT he doesn't WANT to be a doctor! She just won't accept that. He's afraid of her withdrawing money for his college tuition, forcing him to go back home, or even disown him. I've tried telling him to let his mom know he's already made up his mind, and that he is sure of himself. He's been telling his mom that he doesn't want to be a doctor, that he wants to switch majors, but his mom is just belittlling him, telling him how stupid he is for not wanting to do biology and stuff like that. He says that he's still thinking about it to his mom, but he's actually already made up his mind. I can't take this anymore. I'm so stressed out because he's stressed out... yet he won't listen to my advice! he's so afraid of becoming independant. I told him it's not that hard, and that I'm independant now, but he still wants his mom to support him. I understand that he wants his mom to support him throughout his life, but it's just impossible with his mom. She just won't think outside the box. I really don't know what to do or say in this situation...It seems no matter what I say, he won't listen to me because he's afraid to tell his mom... yet he knows that I support him and he doesn't agree with his mom.. Why won't he just tell her? Call me a rebel (i was in high school) but I believe you should live your own life, and that his mom shouldn't live out her own dreams for the sake of pride and ego or even honor through her son. This is just so ridiculous... This is the 21st century... and thsi is the united states for crying out loud.... Please.. any suggestion will do.

Sometimes I just feel like i want out of this whole situation... even though we're serious... I don't want a mother-in-law like that... also.. I feel like he's so preoccupied with other things that he doesn't even pay attention to me. I always go to him.. just to get rejected.. and waved away while he's on the phone.

Thanks for reading all this