im havin a lil bit of a tough time at the moment with a guy i've been friends with 4 for two years now and was hoping someone would be able to share alil wisdom my way. orginally it was him who made the initial advances, he made it clear from day one that he really cared about me n wanted to be with me, i for some reason was terrified of him and because of my own problems constantly gave him mixed messages for 10monthes, the truth is from the day i met him i loved him. he got tired of my mixed responses and one night everything finally got to him and he asked if i cared at all and i said i didn't know (i really don't know why i couldnt tell him that i did). he then said that it hurt to much to be around me without the hope of ever being with me and that was it.
i think i was scared partly because alot of bad things had happened to me in my past with effected me trusting and furthermore getting intimate with him. and the other reason being that he was/is an extremely intense person and he wanted kids, marriage the whole package and that terrified me.
anyway getting back to the story - we didnt talk for along time (about 8 monthes) and i got really depressed and lost alot of weight and he never drifted from my thoughts. i finally braved it and got in contact with him and recently told him that i loved him and always had. he cried and said he had waited nearly 2 years to hear those words. this bring me to the problem. everything is different now, he has a serious amount of problems that hes trying to deal with and i can slowing see him drifting over the edge. he says he loves me but can't be with me right now because hes turning into this person he doesnt want to be and he doesnt want me to see him like this and hes terrified that if we date properly he will ruin it because hes so messed up and he wouldnt be able to live with himself if he hurt me. he keeps saying over and over that he wants me and hes not looking for anyone else and for me to just hold on and be there as a friend for him in the mean time. i can do that, its hard but i can.
its just everything is so different now and first time round it was him obsessively chasing me and now its complete role reversal and im finding it tough because he can't give me what i need and can't be there for me the way i am for him. i guess i was just woundering if anyone had ever been in this situation and what did they do. should i wait or should i get on with my life? i don't know when he'll be ready, but if theres even a shred of hope i'll wait ten years if i have to... i know that in my heart i am never going to find another like him and i don't want to even try because it all boils down to the fact that he's the person i love and i can't change that.
so anyone that can shed alil light id really appreciate it.
it sounds like hes suffering from very low self esteem,and needs some sort of help, and i agree with the last poster about being there as his friend. if you love him as much as you say you do you will want to keep him in your life.
Ive never been in the exact situation you're in but ive certainly found out in life that people always want what they cant have, im still madly in love with someone that i know i will never be with as he doesnt feel the same way and never has done. i havent even seen or spoken to him in over a year but i'll never forget him, and the fact that i know i'll never be with him and he doesnt want me has made my feelings even more intense. but i can honestly say that if he knocked at my door now saying he'd loved me the whole time id be terrified of things going wrong between us because of how strong my feelings are, it'd be like holding the most precious thing in the world and being terrified of breaking it. Maybe this is how the guy feels. He obviously certainly cares enough about you not to want to hurt you in any way, but id say any problems are with him rather than you.
Support him and give him time and space to work through these problems. One thing i definitely believe in is fate, and if you're meant to be together, you will be
thank you very much for ur help, i really appreciate it. and i think what he definitely needs is alittle time and alittle space, so i'll try n give him that, and im sorry things didn't work out with the guy you love, but don't worry as u said you believe in fate, i do too and if its meant to be love always finds a way.