desperately need help dealing with a cutter - Mental Health Message Board

luv2play747 · 06-09-2006, 08:27 AM

I have a 15 year old girl living with my children and myself. She has had a horrible past of abuse and neglect. I noticed the other day that she cuts her arms when she is upset. I have never dealt with that before. Among other issues I am trying to deal with her, this seems the most like a cry for help, but when I ask, she says she is just having a bad day. Anyone know anything about this?

goody2shuz · 06-09-2006, 08:44 AM

Hi

I have a daughter who cuts....it is a form of self injury and you may get better support on that particular board in terms of understanding the mind of a cutter. For the most part it is a coping mechanism.....somehow the pain from the cutting allows them to release some of the emotional pain that they are feeling within. There are ways to help if it is dealt with early enough.....the child must find healthier coping mechanisms and be redirected as to how to do that.

I suggest you visit the self injury board or do a search on cutting....there is lots of support here and people who will help you better understand how to best support this girl. It is great to see that you care enough to help her through this.

Good luck ~ Goody

luv2play747 · 06-09-2006, 08:57 AM

Thanks...
I will go and see if I can find answers...

strongernow · 06-10-2006, 02:30 PM

Dialectic behavior therapy is the way to go or any type of solid cognitive behavior therapy. She feels bad obviously and bad days really bring her down. The problem is that she most likely believes that she cannot go to anybody for empathy and help. So it will be an up hill battle and the only way to work on this is to get her some dialectic behavior therapy. Dr. Linehan is the master of that and has written plenty of books on it. I am not sure if you know of anybody that specializes in that but online and interviewing different people is a good way to find out. Also understanding this problem is only the first step. The therapist may want to do a functional analysis meaning what is the pay off to this and is there a more healthy way of asking for it or getting it.

luv2play747 · 06-12-2006, 07:33 AM

Thanks...
I do understand why she is doing it. We were both abused by many men in our childhood... I turned to not eating, she has turned to cutting... I guess it makes it a bit easier on me understanding and not getting angry...
When I found out, I had the mental health crisis number ready to be dialed, but then I stopped and thought that is what my parents would have done and I knew it was not the right thing to do. I would have been angry and distrustful...
I know the girl has been through many counselors, as did I, and has not found one yet that will help...
I want her to have a healthier life than I did. I also know it is over my head on how to deal with it. I can only supply her with a home and love... Which, I suppose is more than she has had, but not enough.
I guess I need to find a cutter that has stopped cutting. It took me until I was 34 to realize through really digging deep into my thoughts and being honest with myself to realize turning to not eating was a control issue. If I felt I had no control over something in my life, I would not eat. Last month, my son got charged with criminal trespassing climbing the water tower and the cop who had caught him had raped me when I was 19... ( I am now 37) I had not seen him since and had no idea that he was a cop in my own town... I was shocked and quite impressed that the next day I went and ate lunch... Previously, I would have not eaten in days... I had to realize that I did not necessarily NOT have control... I guess I have to find out how to put control back in to this girl's life and maybe that will work...

Sorry for rambling...