Re: Advice on dealing with sexual abuse of nephew:
I completely agree in regards to bringing your mom in..physicaly or mentaly. This may be just what she needs to get her mind off the things that are most likely making her crazy. Mom's just want to be needed by their kids.. TRUTH....you would be doing her big favor.
Re: Advice on dealing with sexual abuse of nephew:
I decided to have my mother come over and spend the night and I told her we needed to talk about a few important things. Lucky for us when she got here Chris was fast asleep so I could talk with her. I felt that as hard as it has been for her she needed to be told everything. She fully understands and she is willing to move into the spare bedroom for the time being. She said she was tired of cooking for one person so I know she is happy to be with us but she is worried about me. Before I even started telling her anything I broke down in front of her and she asked right away what I wasn't telling her. So I told her everything and she ordered me to get to sleep. I just felt I would tell you all where I stand and I'll be going to sleep in about five minutes so I won't be reading your replies until at least another 10 hours I'm hoping.
Re: Advice on dealing with sexual abuse of nephew:
Goodnight....you need it.
I'm so glad it went this way. I think this is just what you and your mom needed. She has lost almost everything that has ever mattered to her, too...and now what she has left is struggling to keep from drowning...I bet she already knew she was needed and was just thrilled to be asked and brought into the loop.
I have to admit Mark, I'm just a little jealous...you have a wonderful family, even though it isn't all of it, what you have is priceless and you all deserve it.
I hope we don't hear from you for a while too.....in this case, no news is good news.
Get some sleep. Toodles, Angel
__________________
If you don't experience anything bad, you'll never appreciate the good when it comes around!!!
Re: Advice on dealing with sexual abuse of nephew:
Wow was I tired and I never woke up once either which suprised me. I was asleep before 6:30 last night so I got almost an entire 12 hours sleep and I'm feeling much better now. I did wake up with Chris in my bed though which also suprised me because I'd figure I would wake up but hey I got lucky. He is still sleeping and my mother stayed up all night bless her heart. She stayed up all night and cuddled Chris during his 3 nightmares last night. My mother said she tried to explain to Chris I needed some sleep but he wanted to sleep with me so she let him. She told me he slept for an entire 5 hours without waking up which also suprised both her and I but we aren't complaining either as we both learned something today. He is very afraid sleeping alone in his own room at least for now so his mind is dealing with that fear behind the scenes. At least that is what I think is going on but I'm not expert either. I'm also glad I had my mother come over because I asked her if she wanted to sleep now and she told me she got enough sleep at home. I talked with her about it and she has done very little but sleep and do her therapy so I'm glad you all made me call her and ask for help. I didn't want to burden her but I understand now that by not getting her involved I was putting a burden on her.
When Chris wakes up we all plan to get some breakfast somewhere in town and spend at least the morning doing something around the area we just don't know what yet. I never really believed things would be going in this direction today but again I'm not doing any complaining. I know I'll be doing lots and lots of talking with my mother now as we just can't really shutup now if you know what I mean.
Also yes I sure am lucky I have a family this close but its not really hard to be close when you all can accept who you are including your faults and strengths. I'm much closer to my mother now than I've ever been in my entire life and honestly I need her more now than I ever did as a kid and I'm not ashamed to say this either. Anyone reading this take my word for this advice I'll quote below because IMO its the truest part of life I know.
"Don't ever forget the people around you that care and don't ever take them for granted because you never know when you will need them just to keep you alive and sane. Take advantage of everything and everyone you have now because they can be taken away in an instant when you need them the most. Also its bad enough losing a person you love after saying something bad to them you didn't mean but now just think about how bad you would feel if you lived with hatred for many years before because I don't want to imagine that."
Don't let stupid things keep you apart from your family because the truth is these stupid issues mean nothing in the whole picture. Well that is my little lessen for anyone reading this.
Re: Advice on dealing with sexual abuse of nephew:
I can not tell you how happy I am for you....what a wonderful turn of events for you and Chris. God Bless the both of you and your mom....she has a purpose again and that is so important. You are the reason these 2 people are feeling whole again. Have no doubt about it, when a person has no purpose, there is nothing left. I wish I could convey to you how hapy I am for your family. Keep in touch!
Re: Advice on dealing with sexual abuse of nephew:
I am so happy for you! This is the part where everyone is glad to say, "TOLD YA SO!!" I am thrilled that your mom is in the picture and I'm sure she is too. The reason you slept so soundly is because you knew Chris was being well cared for and that it was okay. You are the equivalent of a new mommy. When our children are asleep, we are still wide awake, making sure they are breathing, not flipped over in their crib, etc.
And the nicest thing is when someone sees you burning your last fumes and says, go to bed, I'll watch the baby and you sleep like you're in a coma!
Being tired causes such an emotional issue...seriously. I have narcolesy and when it's in overdrive and the tired spells are kicking in, I decompensate rapidly and will burst into tears at next to nothing. I just don't cope well when exhausted. You just did everything you needed to. You lost it for a few minutes with your mom, spilled all the little beans and then did what any tired soul deserves, you took a nap! I'll bet life looks a little more manageable with some sleep under your belt.
You did a good thing letting your mom in...I know it wasn't easy, but you probably saved her, just as much as yourself and Chris. You guys are awesome. Give that mom a hug from us too...most of us are here griping about parents, you have an ideal set up as far as closeness goes..it's so rare these days.
Go enjoy your breakfast and a day with the family...you all deserve it.
__________________
If you don't experience anything bad, you'll never appreciate the good when it comes around!!!
Re: Advice on dealing with sexual abuse of nephew:
Well this was sure a fun day. We had a very nice breakfast (Chris ate all three chocolate chip pancakes) and didn't realize we took up a table for 1 hour and 50 minutes so we had to give a really good tip because of that. Also how can any kid eat all those pancakes because no way could I ever eat three of these. After breakfast we went to the mall and did some shopping for cloths as Chris needed some new bigger stuff very soon. I did pick up a couple buckets too...lol. We left the house around noon or so for the shopping and after the shopping we sent to see a movie called Over the Hedge (cute movie by the way) and that got out a little after 4pm so we went to get some dinner and got some ice cream after dinner. We just got home about 8pm and I think we tired out Chris. I had to carry him inside the house and put him in bed and he just never woke up the entire time. He was just 100% sound asleep so nothing you could do would have woke him up. My mother and I will be having a heart to heart talk after I post this so I will try and post to any replies when I get up in the morning. Both my mother and I feel fine sleeping while Chris is sleeping so neither of us will get strained. We also bought those walkie talkie things so each of us in our rooms can hear if Chris starts making noises or wakes up.
Sorry about the very very very long sentence but I'm too lazy to deal with all of that. Oh and feel free if you all say Told Ya So as many times as you want because I sure ain't upset about it. Thanks to all who suggested some of these things because you made our lives much much better. Again you have a big hug, kiss and thanks from all of us.
Re: Advice on dealing with sexual abuse of nephew:
Sweetie, he ate those pancakes because he's rounding the bend to feeling better. That was the first thing I did when I stopped puking! I had a big chicken dinner and lots of mashed potatoes! And haven't puked since!!! At least not until the morning sickness from my subsequent pregnancy kicked in!
I think you guys are on the fast track to recovery and it's about time. You all deserve it.
Don't worry about run on sentences...none of us care. We're just glad your day was awesome.
Y'all have a great night...tears have a way of tiring out the entire body and soul. You never sleep as good, as hard or as long than you do after a good cry. Trust me there.
toodles and sweet dreams to that wonderful little family of yours.......Angel
__________________
If you don't experience anything bad, you'll never appreciate the good when it comes around!!!
Re: Advice on dealing with sexual abuse of nephew:
I'm very worried about him and if you don't hear from me today I'll try and give you an update ASAP but I might have to bring him to the hospital if he doesn't get better very soon. I woke up about 1am and have been up since and Chris was sound asleep but just about an hour or so ago he woke up and was walking to the bathroom when he just dropped to his knees and started puking. He has been puking ever since every few minutes he would start and stop and right now nothing more than just little bits of water are coming up but he can't stop the feeling. This type of puking isn't from a nightmare or anything and its not bad food either has the last thing he ate was around 6pm and it would have started much quicker than this. I'm thinking its the flu but he has no fever and that also seems very sudden. All Chris can tell me is he woke up to pee and got a sudden urge to poop so he was walking to the bathroom and he said his stomach just started hurting really bad. It hurt him so bad he couldn't even scream because I could see him from my room and I'm telling you I thought he had a heart attack it was that type of drop. Even my mother said she has never seen this before and remember she raised two boys so the normal flu she has seen and I can tell she is worried.
Sorry guys but the more I type this I've decided just now I'm taking him to the hospital right now. I know this isn't normal and my mother also thinks this isn't normal.
Re: Advice on dealing with sexual abuse of nephew:
I'll be home for a little while while my mother will be staying at the hospital. They have admitted him to the PICU this morning in stable condition but they have no clue what is causing his problems. They are going todo a CT Scan and an ultrasound first and by the time those are read they are hoping the blood tests will be back. These results will decide how they proceed so its just waiting. The only reason they put him in the PICU is because his heart rate, blood pressure and oxygen levels aren't normal but they aren't severe either in the sense that he will crash any minute but none the less they are very worried that they can't get them to normal ranges. They say from the way it looks he will be in for at least a few days unless they find exactly what the problem is he gets stable fast and stays that way from their treatment.
They have fully sedated him which has stopped his gagging because with nothing coming out anymore its hurting him alot so at least that is good. Because they had to sedate that area to stop the gagging that also kept him from breathing on his own so they are breathing for him now.
My next question is what in the world more can go wrong I mean honestly why all of this. I just don't see the fairness in life anymore because no family ever should have to deal this much and I can't believe if we are being tested by a higher being that they would feel the need to have us prove this much.
Re: Advice on dealing with sexual abuse of nephew:
I'm sorry you're struggling even more right now. I honestly don't believe God does things TO us, but if we choose, he'll help us through them. I wish I had an answer for you and Chris, other than the stress on his system from his emotions may have downed his immune system enough for some type of bug to crop up.
Make sure they test him for E.coli and H.pylori (the latter is a bug responsible for ulcers, which may or may not be a problem for him) and pray for the best.
I honestly feel he'll come through this just fine. IMO, I feel like it's his poor body just shutting down a bit because he had such an emotional release. PICU is scary, but kids dehydrate so fast, it's best to be overly cautious.
I have to head off to work now, but I'll keep praying and checking back when I get home from the office.
I wish you all well. Take care of them and yourself too...you don't want to end up in the adjoining bed! I don't believe there are group discounts or family rates for this! LOL
Take care and talk to you soon.
__________________
If you don't experience anything bad, you'll never appreciate the good when it comes around!!!
Re: Advice on dealing with sexual abuse of nephew:
They have tested for all the usual bugs and everything came back fine. The CT Scan and ultrasound has come back fine too. They also did an EEG which also came back fine. His EKG is the only thing that hasn't been normal and they did the test twice so far. His blood pressure and pulse rate are still low and getting a tad bit lower each and every couple of hours. They are only breathing for him now because of his gagging which was causing his throat to inflame and swell. Also they are very worried about his blood oxygen level which is another reason they are breathing for him. They have also done an MRI with and without contrast of his heart and lungs that came back fine. They are now asking my permission to allow them to do a drug induced stress test on his heart but I'm having a hard time with the risks involved. The risks include but not limited to the following below.
Death, heart attack, brain damage, seizure and tons of other things I can't remember and because they have no idea what is wrong I'm not ready to allow them todo this quite yet. They checked all the usual things and everything seems to be fine but they know something is very wrong.
His immune system is fine and they see no evidence that his body is fighting an infection either. They also checked his appendix which is fine too. They checked for all the usual forms of cancer and they even did a spinal tap to check for that. They also said that no amount of stress should cause his blood oxygen level to reach the mid to low 50s. I don't know what the number means or if I even said it correctly but they just said he should be way over 60. Also his blood pressure just two hours ago was 76/64 with a pulse of 66 beats per minute.
Since this morning his blood oxygen was 59 so its dropped almost 5 points even with treatment. His highest blood pressure rating when he came in was 89/67 so its dropped quite a bit considering and his pulse was 82 beats per minute when he came in which is another big drop. This is a very good hospital but I'm starting to doubt if he is in the right place because I would think they would at least have a vague idea after 12+ hours now. I've been writing down everything I can so I'm calling other hospitals and telling them all that is going on and what is done and at least two of them have said they would be willing to send one of their doctors over to him to check him out and get more information and if they feel that those docs aren't doing enough to find the cause they would talk with me. She did tell me that his Medicaid wouldn't cover optional transfer to another hospital because he will need a critical care transfer via helicopter since he must be kept hooked up to the breathing stuff and what not. They said this level of care will cost me about 3-5 grand for the transfer to their place. They did tell me because of how far away their hospital is it would cost more for a critical care ambulance than for the chopper as amazing as that sounds.
Its not just the money I'm worried about its that I don't want to move him unless I'm sure these docs just won't get it together and figure out what the heck is wrong with him. My mother is at the hospital with him and I just needed to get out for a little while but I'll try and post back sometime tonight or in the morning as I'll be going back to the hospital in a while so my mom can sleep at home. They allow just one of us to sleep in his room and my mom can't sleep in those beds so we want one of us to always be with him. Also I forgot to say but the docs do know his entire history of problems and they don't see these as being a problem. I also told them about his trying to hang himself a while ago and they checked his entire neck area and they don't think any damage was done from that either. So for now its just waiting and hoping they figure this all out and also just hoping its not a question of time either.
Last edited by moderator2; 06-25-2006 at 07:43 AM.
Reason: If you are clearly responding to the last poster, quoting the post is not needed.
Re: Advice on dealing with sexual abuse of nephew:
Quote:
Originally Posted by NitroChic
What about an allergic reaction? Did he eat anything new? Poisoning?
Nothing really new or different that I can think off hand. They still don't have the results back from a few of the tests but they can say without a doubt its not an infection or poisoning. They said his white blood count is normal. They told me if his immune system was somehow demaged his count would be much much lower. They also told me that because his immune system is fully working that if he had an infection his white blood count would be much much higher as the body creates tons of white blood cells to help fight the infection off.
That still doesn't help them figure out what is wrong yet but I guess they are looking into other areas now. I'll be going to the hospital about 3am so if anyone has more questions or advice for me try and catch me before 3am eastern timezone. I'll check about 15 or so minutes before 3am.
Re: Advice on dealing with sexual abuse of nephew:
I've been reading your posts for several days now and didn't need to post until now. It is totally unbelievable what Chris has been through. And you also. Thinking about he vomiting, good it be an ulcer? Maybe they should scope him to check out his stomach. God bless you Mark and Chris. You are truly a savior to him and I can't begin to tell you how much I admire you.
Good luck and as always, please keep us posted. Linda
Re: Advice on dealing with sexual abuse of nephew:
They figured out what the problem was and how they did I have no idea but he is getting much better. They called in both a heart and lung doctor and the lung doctor knew right away almost what the problem was and he started treatment for it and explained how it was very hard to figure it all out. First he has been dxed with something called ideopathic pleurisy. They said in rare cases extreme puking can occur and because of this it causes his to breath in and out so many times which is causing the extreme pain in his stomach. This condition usually has chest pain but in can be fully in the stomach area and they could never ask Chris exactly where it hurt as he was so out of it, passed out or puking. This is all a very tricky issue and they are now giving him treatment to help reduce the swelling around his lungs. They started the treatment a few hours ago and they haven't woken him up yet or taken the breathing tubes out yet they do notice that his vitals are going up little by little so they know its working.
What they are worried about is the fact that this condition is very rare among anyone and even more rare in a preteen and even worse its very very rare when it has no cause. This worries them because if they don't know what triggered it they cannot have a clue if it will or can happen again. What is known is that if it occurs again we can just bring him into the ER and have them lookup our file and they will start him on the meds right away while they start doing the normal round of tests just in case its something else.
So that is where we stand now and its good to know what the issue is and that its being fixed now but it still worries me that we don't know if it will come back again and if it could be worse in the future if it does come back again.
Either way I'm happy we finally know what the heck is wrong.
Re: Advice on dealing with sexual abuse of nephew:
Dear Mark, All ideopathic means is we have no clue why this is happening...but you already know that.
I don't have much more to go on than my gut, but I still think this is all triggered by what he has just recently been through. The body has a way of doing things that we never understand. But my gut feeling also is that this won't happen again. It may be a bit of a problem for the near future, but not through out his life....Again, just a gut feeling, not that it does you any good.
I would take him to a good specialist when he is out of the hospital (or better yet, if you can get one to come to the hospital and see him now, all the better) Keep a file in a binder of everything. Get his discharge notes, copies of blood work and other tests, as well. You can ask them to keep a running file, many places will do it, if you ask really sweetly!! It worked for me with my mom's paperwork...in fact, I got many records that they shouldn't have given me so freely.
Please, talk to someone who specializes in rare forms of PTSD manifesting physically and see what they have to say. I just don't get the feeling that this poor child has gone through all this and then this happens and it's not somehow intertwined.
I will pray for you all again tonight, and my kids are saying prayers for you as well. I just wish there was something more I could do....If I could Mark, I'd wrap my arms around that whole family of yours until everything was all better. For now, cyber hugs will have to do. Give your mom a hug and that dear boy and one for you too...I will check back in a while...I promised a friend I would watch over a few of her adopted kids (they all have special needs) while she takes another one to physical therapy...I'm a glutton for punishment...but she, like you, needs a hand and a little bit of a break.
Good luck sweetie, and we all hope everything turns out great. You have my sympathy, prayers and admiration......Angel
__________________
If you don't experience anything bad, you'll never appreciate the good when it comes around!!!
Re: Advice on dealing with sexual abuse of nephew:
Wow we do think alike for the most part. I'm still thinking its somewhat related but its also something that just seems so unlikely. I have requested if I could get copies of all his records including all tests, PICU update reports and logs. I also asked if I could also get his discharge papers when that time comes. They had no problems doing that they will have them ready for me before he goes home. The hospital has told me they will keep a running file for him so they can speed his treatment if this happens again. I also told admissions to file in their report his entire history at the start as his treatment had to reflect these events. The lady was in tears by the time I got done and I'm not joking either. She wasn't crying but you could see the tears rolling down her face.
The doctors also felt it could maybe have something todo with PTSD and they also felt he even without this event was severe enough to need treatment for PTSD. So the docs gave me a list of very good docs that deal with some of the most severe cases of PTSD in the New England area so I'm going to just visit the closest one near my home today. I'm just going to walk in and not bother calling so I can talk to the doc or somebody so they can fully get the entire picture plus I think showing up in person means more than just calling.
Oh and as an update Chris has been taken off the breathing machines about 4pm yesterday and is breathing on his own now and his vitals are in normal ranges now. They are going to keep him in PICU until the morning and move him into a regular room. They are going to watch him and as long as his vitals stay very stable they will consider letting him go home Friday morning which would be great.
Also as a side note they did bring him dinner at about 5pm and he refused to eat it and wanted them to get rid of it. My mother was watching him while I was out getting a couple of things done. When I came to the hospital my mom said he refused to eat his dinner so I asked what they gave him and my mother said fish. Well I asked Chris if we just didn't want the fish (he hates fish and has trouble even looking at it) or if he didn't want any food and he just gave out a little cry saying I want something to eat. I had to say this because it was the cutest most sad voice you could ever hear. So I did talk with the nurse on duty and told them about the fish so they brought down some chicken fingers, mashed potatos, fruit cup and ice cream for him. About an hour later the nurse had to bring another dinner for him which he ate all of. The nurse was very suprised but happy at the sametime but I must say they are very great and nice but I just had to say this because I'm sure any parents on these boards knows that type of voice and how it just touches you in a way nothing else does.
Last edited by moderator2; 06-25-2006 at 07:44 AM.
Reason: If you are clearly responding to the last poster, quoting the post is not needed.
