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Old 09-30-2006, 10:02 PM   #1
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makingsenseout HB User
Feels Lost,detached from life and wondering "is this all there is?"

Katrina relocated ...Rural america..by choice and the middle of the moutain range on the paririe.Its like "Little House On The Paririe"but a little different.We were living in New Orleans and had a nice town house and were one of the lucky ones that made it through the storm by leaving 12 hours ahead.We already had property where we are now but decided we did not want to start our lives again in New Orleans and this life is a place where nature is beautiful.If we were any closer to the mountains we would actually in in them.There is beauty everywhere you look but far from living in a place that is 24 hour everything and is famous all over the world.We are settled here and get to see daily nature all around us.We were lucky enough to get into New Orleans and fix our house and sell it and be on our way before too much really saturated our minds about it.New Orleans had been our home for 20 years...and all seven of our children also made their lives there.Now we are 1200 miles from what we knew as home and 750 miles from our nearest child.They are all doing well but our life has been somewhat pitted by seperation anxiety.We realised that they have their lives to live and we are glad for what its worth they all made it and have better lives settled where they are.We miss them and the grandchildren but its so hard to travel for us now..We just found out that we had Post Tramatic Stress Disorder...I couldn't believe it but its true..Luckly our new doctor is a specialist in this field other than being a GP but she pointed out that we had all the symptoms..It was really a shock.We are now in a place where the nearest city is about 7 miles away and the population is 4000...Quite the change from where we were..Please don't get me wrong ..Im not complaining ..as a matter of fact I feel for the most part we are in paradise...But Paradise lost..somehow..I can't for the life of me figure out why we feel this way.We stay busy as we can..We were the lucky ones..able to retire early and live on investments that had been fortunate to make years ago..I know compared to other individuals we shouldn't have any problems and GOD knows I am greatful for everything going better than it could have.I am greatful for every breath of air...every blue sky ..every bit of wildlife and everything that is here ..people and place...I am greatful that we don't have to stress living in a trailer or doing the things we would have had to do there if we stayed..I just can't figure out what is happening to us.There is a eminent sadness about our life..Maybe its retirement...It may be that we weren't ready ..or maybe its the fact that we have been so busy for so long we just don't know how to relax..or maybe we are lost without our children or a social network of family....and most days we deal with everything pretty good...but one day I wake and feel as though Im on another planet and another day I wake and feel glad that Im surrounded by such beauty but for some reason there is a depression that seeps into the marrow of my bones and will not let go.We are both taking medication for depression and anxiety but still there is a air to it all feeling as this is the end..and the question...Is this all there is? When you live in a rural place like this you look at the mountains out the window that have been there 30 millon years before you and the ground that would say its been pretty much that way that long too..Also you wonder about the prehistoric man that once wondered all over this place and from the structure and hearsay you know they were here once...The whole place kills your ego and you find that you are basically dust in the wind ..a spec of insignificant matter and you too will fade and the mountains and the sky and the winds and the land will still be here 30 million years after you are gone and it really puts your life in perspective....I just don't know why I can't seem to get into the fact that this is home now and that we are here and we aren't going anywhere..The odds for any natural or man made disaster here are a billion in one...I think I would have better odds at winning the lottery..We just feel so lost...We have had many ideas of trying to overcome this feeling such as volunteering for different agencies...or traveling..which I have had too much traveling for now...My truck had 46000 miles on it before Katrina now its almost 80000 miles..When we were trying to get our house here we made the arrangements and took off and visited all of the children from east coast to west coast and inbetween.I can tell you the travel took it out of me to even see whats on the other side of a hill anymore..Hopefully that will change again...As we stay here day after day I become more distrusting to leave and go anywhere.I am always obsessed about there being something wrong with me ,thats what I was doing at the doctors office to start with because of weird symptoms but she diagnosed it was purley stress...But it gets better but I can't seem to realize just how to adjust my mind to get my life back..To feel normal again to be able to just relax and quit thinking negative..about this being all there is..and will we just fade away as time passes by ...Its just all ***are to me..Maybe someone can help me and give me some thoughts about this...Sometimes its nice to hear positive things from people and maybe suggest things...I don't think counciling will help but maybe if its the only alternative if things don't start coming together I suppose I will have to give it a try.Thanks for listening and it helps to know there are other people that doesn't know how to handle their issues either..I just want so much to be normal again and quit asking the question ....Is this all there is?

 
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Old 10-01-2006, 06:40 AM   #2
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thegardener HB User
Re: Feels Lost,detached from life and wondering "is this all there is?"

Makingsense, I am so sorry for all of your losses. You lost a life that you loved, I wouldn't be wondering why you feel such a loss. You were living where you had raised your children, you had them around you. That Katrina disaster was terrible, I'm glad that you are getting your PTSD treated. I am sure that with time and treatment that you will feel better. Again, I am so sorry.

 
Old 10-02-2006, 11:27 PM   #3
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KStorts HB User
Re: Feels Lost,detached from life and wondering "is this all there is?"

Makingsense- I am so sorry for everything you and your family have been through. I can't even begin to imagine how scary that must have been to go through. From reading your post it really sounds like you could benefit from counseling. They will listen, and help guide you through the healing process. It will be much easier, I imagine, to deal with the emotional aftermath of your tragedy with help, as opposed to doing it by yourself. I wish you the very best in your healing process. =)

 
Old 10-05-2006, 07:03 PM   #4
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makingsenseout HB User
Re: Feels Lost,detached from life and wondering "is this all there is?"

Thank you both.I have been reading on the internet about the basis of zen meditation and also other mental techniques for acceptance and dealing with illness and the fear of death and other things.It is helping me to cope more with what has happened and what is happening to me here and dealinig with life in general.I appreciate your kind comments both of you and your thoughts.Life will get better and I will handle it..I found this story about a guy that was on a sinking boat and he could have just given up and allowed himself to die,but he found a raft that he kept patching and figured a way to catch fish and also make fresh water and floated around the ocean for 67 days..The longest anyone has ever lived on the ocean alone in a small raft without falling victim to the ocean.When they ask how he did it...he told them I made up my mind I was going to make it and kept saying "I can handle it" and he did..This helped me alot and as I try and meditate I try to put aside material attachments and find that I am a part of this place ,that in fact I belong to it.I do love it and will make it my home for as long as I live and I will put N O behind me.I do in fact thank you both once again for your kind comments and support..Michael

 
Old 10-26-2006, 11:46 AM   #5
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andonis1971 HB User
Re: Feels Lost,detached from life and wondering "is this all there is?"

I know this is an old post, but I had to say something. I am not a therapist, but have loads of therapy in me. Years in that office. I went through a very traumatic event about 3 years ago. My husband is a police officer, and he and the rest of our family was targeted for a hit. All having to do with a drug bust he made. Thank goodness no one was hurt, but the what if's or could've beens raced through my mind every day and in every way. And then the Red Lake school shootings a year after that...I have a h.s. age son that was amidst all that horror. I developed what my therapist called...post traumatic stress syndrome.

There are many symptoms...mine came out in chest pains, difficulty breathing, losing my mind, literally...negative thinking, thinking of death all the time and the death of my family. Because I was not emotoinally prepared to handle my situation. Perhaps this has happened to you? You're losses are great. Maybe now you have worked through it...as I was saying this is an old post. Maybe this helps. I hope so.

 
Old 10-26-2006, 05:59 PM   #6
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makingsenseout HB User
Re: Feels Lost,detached from life and wondering "is this all there is?"

Quote:
Originally Posted by andonis1971
I know this is an old post, but I had to say something. I am not a therapist, but have loads of therapy in me. Years in that office. I went through a very traumatic event about 3 years ago. My husband is a police officer, and he and the rest of our family was targeted for a hit. All having to do with a drug bust he made. Thank goodness no one was hurt, but the what if's or could've beens raced through my mind every day and in every way. And then the Red Lake school shootings a year after that...I have a h.s. age son that was amidst all that horror. I developed what my therapist called...post traumatic stress syndrome.

There are many symptoms...mine came out in chest pains, difficulty breathing, losing my mind, literally...negative thinking, thinking of death all the time and the death of my family. Because I was not emotoinally prepared to handle my situation. Perhaps this has happened to you? You're losses are great. Maybe now you have worked through it...as I was saying this is an old post. Maybe this helps. I hope so.
Better late than never.Sometimes I feel as though no one reads my messages.I can't even begin to comprehend what you have been through.That is the point of my whole message..I shouldn't be feeling like this and that is the thing that worries me the most.I shouldn't be this way but for the life of me I cannot figure it out.I suppose I miss New Orleans and our life there..Where we live now is more of a shock than it was to go through the whole katrina trauma..I don't know if I would have ever choosen this place to reside.It was originally intended that the property we got here was suppose to be left to our children.We were suppose to retire in the Philippines but the children were so upset about everything that we felt we should stay in the States...Now they seem pretty settled and I am doupting my judgement about staying here..Its beautiful here and any other time I suppose that I would have been ok.its just now..everything that we ever knew seems so foreign.We don't have any one here that we feel we can ask about anything.People pretty much stay to themselves and its creepy sometimes when the wind blows and you look out and all you see if pararie and mountains..Its almost like you are on another planet and if you don't go to town which we don't very often you don't see any other life here for someimes days..I used to think that I could have homesteaded in Alaska...but now I know I could have never handled it emotionally..I thank you for your response and im glad that someone was paying attention to what I said.The doctor told us that we had Ptsd but didn't tell us how to handle it except for taking zoloft and getting out more..The only thing is she didn't say where to get out..We are in the middle of nowhere and there is nothing to do ..and very few people to even think of socializing with..So I have been trying to do meditation and read taoism and zen and other things to help me feel better.I figure if they sat in the mountains for months meditating I can at least sit in my house and do it ..At least I have the option of getting in the car and going somewhere..The only thing is I have traveled so much I don't care to travel now..So I pretty much messed up if I do and If i dont so what can you do ? I feel bad for you all and hope that you never have to deal with an issue like that again..Thank you so much for responding and I feel better knowing in some way I really don't have an issue..Just wish my mind could understand that..Take care

 
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