tinklestar10

Hey.

Well i try and put everything down. Well i'm 19 nearly 20 and im from UK. All my life i have been horrible. I mean i lie a lot and my heads been all over the place. My best mate did a post on relationship help for me and her. This is partly why im writing this.

I need some help. I have been lying for a couple of years now. Not all the time on and off but about serouis things. I know people are going to be disqused (s) with me but i need help. Well i have been lying a lot to my best mate and my mum. Mostly my best mate though I have told her some horrible lies which i know are hard for forgive me for. I have lied about my grandparents dying and about me seeing this guy to her. I know they are horrible lies and now i have lost her because of it. I want her back so much.

She is a year older than me. We have been mates for about 7 years now and we have fallen out in the past over my lies. But i promised her i wouldn't lie again and i did. And i have lost her. I'm trying to talk to her at the min to try and sort things out but she doesn't want to know, but you probably think i'm mad and shes only a friend but she's more than that. I really need her back as we are so close and have a lot of history behind us and i don't want to jsut stop being mates. I know she is really mad nad she hates my guts at the moment and i know she hada a rihgt too but i really don't want her too. We are texting each other everyday but not much today. She said she needs a break and i'm willing to give her that but i still want to talk to her. I find it really hard.

Going back to the lies ( this is the main problem and what i want help with). I keep getting asked why i'm doing them but i swear to god i don't know why. I keep trying to explain to my best mate and mum why and i get all muddled up with what i'm saying as i don't know why. I will try and explain to you. Well when i'm at work or just lazying around i think of things in my head and these are the things that turn into lies. I know i shouldnt tell them but in my head its the right thing. If i dont tell people what is on my mind then it feels like its going to explode so i need to tell the lie. I have tried stopping myself but doesnt work as i go low or cry loads. I dont know why either.

This probably sounds hard to believe but thats whats going on. Now about this thing with me, my best mate and this guy. Well i started seeing this guy in sept and we didnt tell anyone. Well my mum found out through my sister but i kept it from my best mate. We were going out for 2 months and then she found ok. She was ok at first about it but i knew she was annoyed and now she is saying this is why she has fallen out with me. I understand why but i dont see why she wanted to end our relationship over a guy. This guy said a lot of lies to my best mate and i think my best mate believes him because he said i said it and i havent. Well he came around this week nad spent some time here so we can sort things out (hes back home now) and we decided that we wern't going to go out. I dont have feelings for him anymore and thats it. I have mixed feelings atm mind you.

Anyway getting to the point, please could someone help memfind out whats wrong with me? I got appt tomorrow to see doctor. BUt i need some advice. My mate thinks in got bipolar but i really aint sure. I need sorting because i want to make a promise to my best mate, mum and fmaily and keep it. I want to try and work this all out and to get better. Please can someone help, PLEASE many thanks xx