christy217

I feel depressed, elated, sad, ****y, etc, it's seems like all in a matter of a day. My emotions change so rapidly. I consider myself to be an intelligent, caring person, however, there is part of me that makes me feel like a sociopath.

For example, I do have a control problem and this transends to my relationships, currently I am in a committed 6 year relationship with my partner Dawn. She is a wonderful person, I've never met someone nicer I feel I am very lucky to have found someone like her, she has really been there for me through thick and thin and she really does look out for my best interest and our best interest. Sometimes, or most of the time she is a little thick headed, I don't feel intellectually she's on my level. I do feel that she can do better than me, in terms of happiness. We don't like some of the same things to do leisurely and I think that has a lot to do with it.

For Christmas-I am not in to giving gifts, it's not about gifts to me, I did get stuff for my nieces, BIL, and sisters, and my nieces boyfriend. I even made like I always do over 20 baskets for family and friends of baked goodies, etc., I don't ask for a lot in return, I just ask for simple stuff, like this year, I asked Dawn to set a limit on our spending amount, 150 and that was it for each other. She spent well over that, and while it does not hinder our finances it's made me mad. I did not get what I asked for, slippers, silver jewelry cleaner and a hallmark gift card. I got slippers that don't fit a robe that's blue that I didn't want, a bunch of DVDs I did not want, etc. It makes me think that she doesn't know me, so I got ****ed. Reminded me a lot of my ex, I put a lot of effort into her gifts and I feel she didn't do it for mine. I am really ****ed about it.

I purposefully say mean things to her about her and her family trying to cause her hurt, I do the same thing with my family to a degree. I also get irked at the least little thing she does. *** is wrong with me?