Any hope? - Mental Health Message Board

avatar1013 · 12-26-2006, 02:34 AM

I feel disconnected from the world basically, I always have. I think it stems mostly from junior high and high school when I would get made fun of a lot because I wore geeky glasses; my parents couldn't afford the smaller, nicer looking ones. Plus I was VERY shy as a child, I've gotten a lot better since then, but I still have a LONG way to go. I think it was because of these problems that I was always very withdrawn. Throughout school I would always sit in the back and would never talk to anyone, the only friends I made were people who were very outgoing and didn't mind carrying on conversations in which they did most of the talking, lol. To this day I usually still have friends like that.

My main problem is that I feel like I don't know how to communicate with people or how to react in certain situations because of my withdrawn lifestyle. I also freeze up a lot when having certain conversations and end up saying things like "yes", "no", "mhmm", lol. So I basically just feel uninteresting and concerned that I'm wasting away my brain thinking about nothing interesting. I'm always tuning out the real world and daydreaming. I guess I also find it really hard to be close to people and share my thoughts because I was always afraid that they were abnormal and that people wouldn't approve.

I've also noticed lately that I always seem to be trying to tune out the world with constant daydreaming and movie/TV watching. I never live "in the moment". I know I have a brain, I've been getting straight As in college, but it seems like I don't use it in everyday situations, but I know I will have to when I graduate and get a job. And when other people in my classes ask really insightful questions that I never even thought of, I wonder if I'm just really good at taking tests and that I'm not really smart or something. It scares me, I feel like I will fail miserably.

So I kind of know what's wrong with me (I'm avoidant, have social anxiety, low self-esteem, basically a complete social mess), I just don't know how to fix it and cannot afford therapy. I was wondering if anyone here has gone through some similar things and can give some advice or tips on how to start being more "in the moment" and being less extremely introverted.

I'm sorry that this was so long but any advice would be greatly appreciated,
Thank you

Sannah · 12-26-2006, 09:26 AM

Avatar, it sounds like you are afraid to connect with anyone in the world because of the experiences that you had with teasing. In my opinion, nothing is going to change unless you find the strength to face your fears and reach out to others. You are an adult now and are much more capable of protecting yourself from others now. You are also around college age students who do not act like they did when they were younger. Avoid any people who still act immature like this. You have to believe that you are a valuable person and that you can protect yourself from others. Many colleges have counseling services on campus that are free or at a lower cost. Have you looked into this? It isn't well known unless you look into it. Yes, it does sound like you have withdrawn from the world and you are not engaged in the moment. You have to force yourself to reengage with the world. Take small steps everyday and you will get better with practice but nothing will happen unless you push yourself. And yes, there is hope. You have gotten this way due to life experiences and you can get to another place by changing your life experiences. I changed my life completely around and so can you.

black_wings666 · 12-26-2006, 09:43 AM

hello!!!
i dont think i can help because i find myself in the very situation you are

. its not too good, i know. but while some people are naturally social, some, just like us, arent. and thats it. i noticed that as a shy, not too talkative person i get to know people better and realize what they are up to from the very moment we meet. then its a bit easier to try to approach people that are similar to me. ill never be an outgoing person, i know, but i learnt to deal with that and be pround of myself. as you said it, you got a lot better from the way you used to be when you were a child. you probabily are changing a bit every single day. try to find friends similar to you and talk to them, and you will see things will improve with other people as well. also, try to find a hobby and do what you like to do. you also said you daydream a lot...why dont you do it outside, in a park, where its more likely to meet people. try building your self esteem by finding a hobby or doing things you are good at. im sure you are a smart person and you have a lot of things you are good at. people with low self esteem tend to be obsessed with bad things and habits that they have and overlook their qualities. im like that too. but sometimes im like hey! im not the only girl suffering from acne and low self esteem. there are worse cases. sometimes i hate myself and i want to die. but thats not a solution. and you know what? its cool to be different!
well im sorry i cant help too much....i just wanted to share with you all that is in my mind....
bye bye and remember you are smart

, you can make it through this

Sannah · 12-26-2006, 09:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by black_wings666

but while some people are naturally social, some, just like us, arent. and thats it.

Blackwings, I think that some people can be naturally introverted and this is fine if it is fine with the person. If a person is shy and withdrawn and not happy with this I don't think that it is totally natural. I think that if a person isn't happy with the way that they are it has more to do with environment making them into that type of a person. Anyone can change if they want to, they try and they get good information/direction from others about what could be going on with them.

black_wings666 · 12-26-2006, 03:01 PM

sannah : yes, you are right we can all change. but what i meant was that everyone is different, some people are somehow "born" as sociable and thats the way they are. on the other hand there are people who tend to be introverted without them really wanting that. it could be the environment, and the personality as well. my point was that avatar shouldnt feel so bad about herself being introverted and shy and to realize its not her fault...it could be the environment or the personality or, as you said it, her former experiences with teasing.