babydiva

I went to college yesterday and spoke to a woman about myself. I told her everything that was on my mind. I told her that I am having trouble excepting the way my body is. Being that I have small breasts at 21 years old. Almost 22 in 6 days. She could see that it was really bothering me without me having to go into alot of details. Anyway we talked. She asked me about how things are at home with my family. If I'm close to my mom and whatnot. I said yes. I told her that well a guy would desire a woman who's fully developed than an undeveloped woman and that in general they like woman with average size boobs or big ones. I'm an A34 and wish mine were a B cup. I told her I know they'd grow if I get pregnant but that I'm not ready to have kids. I said I'd hate to get implants since there not real and there's health risks. She started telling me guys who are only into women cause of there boobs size aren't good guys and asking me wouldn't I want someone who'd like me for me. Well course I said yes. Cause thats what I want. I have a b/f right now and well were doing good. Except I think if one day I'm ready to go further I won't be able to cause of the way my body is. I feel he's not gonna want to touch me, he'll break things off or cheat on me. I didn't tell her all of that, but some of it. Thing is I told her something that I didn't tell my councellor when I was seeing her. I told her that I masterbate. She said it's ok as long as I don't hurt myself. I'm not sure if I am. At first I thought no how could I be? But now I don't know cause I'm like comparing my body to the girls I see in reality and in my fantasies. I won't say my fantasies here cause I could be banned from using this site and I really don't want that. But ya. The woman I was talking to thinks I don't feel loved. She thinks the 1 person I get in contact with I get attached to cause of that, cause of not feeling loved. She thinks I spend to much time with my b/f and thats not it. Truth is though, I don't feel loved. I do feel lonley. Like I had a friend but her number changed and she didn't even call me. Another 1 said maybe next weekend we could get together but I really dunno. The next 1 well she's busy with school. She gets alot of homework but we do see each other. I don't know I'm gonna have to phone her up. I did last week but she missed the call. The woman I spoke to told me she thinks I need to do a full time program cause I'll meet ppl, be around ppl and it'd be better. She told me to get in contat with a job agency who can help me find a job. And that if it's the money issue why I can't apply for a full time course, then I could always do the apprentaship program. But then I'll have to pay back money and I don't want to. First of all. Secondly, I don't feel the need to do a full time program cause there's no imediate need for a job. The woman doesn't know I'm getting odsp. Should I have told her? I don't know what to do. I feel trapped in a situation here. Either I do what the woman said and get help to find a job, then apply for the apprentaship program and do a full time program that'll lead to a job cause other wise whats the point in doin one right? Or I ignore her and just volunteer and keep getting odsp. But then I'm not around alot of ppl. If I didn't mention it earlier in my post, I'm getting Ontario Disability Support Program. A monthly check. Thats why there's no need for an imediate job. So I'm volunteering at a daycare somewhat...But then I'm lonley with not alot of friends basicly none. Doing a full time program would help me out in that prespective but then, I won't be getting the check anymore or most of it. I'm using it now to help out with rent, food, and other stuff. So I don't know what to do. Can soemone please help me? What should I do? Please and thank you.