Don't know where to ask this... - Mental Health Message Board

Cydlicious · 01-15-2007, 10:01 AM

I am not sure what to call what I am about to describe, so I thought maybe someone could help me here.

I have a friend who is 40-something. She has a stuffed animal that she has an unusual "relationship" with. She talks about him like he's a real person (though I don't think she actually believes he is). Sometimes she talks about him like he's her son, other times she refers to him as her "only significant other." She even talks about him in a somewhat sexualized way on occasion.

She is very sensitive about him, I have learned to not suggest that he isn't real and does not compensate for a real relationship.

I have wondered for some time now if she isn't struggling with her sexuality. She has never had a sexual...or maybe even romantic relationship before. So I am thinking maybe she uses him as some sort of crutch? She sometimes seems to (maybe?) be speaking through him (example: she'll say he loves me, but she won't tell me herself.)

Those of us who care about her are really worried. I mean, she has been seeing a therapist for years, why would they allow this stuffed animal thing to go on? But I can also see that challenging it head-on could be traumatizing. And to be honest, it makes those of us around her uncomfortable, what are you supposed to say about it??

Does anyone have any thoughts?

firenice · 01-15-2007, 11:16 AM

If she is a good, long-standing friend there is less chance of breaking apart if you are straight forward with her. I suggest you gently let her know how YOU feel about this, not about what she should be doing about it. You can simply state something like "you're a good friend and I am feeling confused and uncomfortable about your relationship with your stuffed animal." Not a question, not a demand, just a statement of your feelings to which she can respond or not. That may, perhaps, open up some dialogue about the situation (or not).

The cause of this behavior is likely something to deep and to complicated to get involved with. So, just be a friend - be supportive and open minded. It's good she's seeing a therapist. Perhaps there has been some progress though subtle and not noticeable. Therapy can sometimes take years and if this is a sexual issue as you suggest, it could take another several years.

Cydlicious · 01-15-2007, 01:11 PM

Thanks for your reply, and I agree that her issues probably run far too deep for me to begin to understand, let alone try to help her sort out. The stuffed animal thing makes me uncomfortable, especially when she brings him up in front of my friends and I have to explain who he is (they know she is single and childless, so naturally they ask who he is, since she calls him by name like he is real and doesn't explain it herself usually.)

Is there a name for this kind of behavior?

firenice · 01-15-2007, 01:28 PM

I don't know of any official label for this kind of behavior by itself. Generally a diagnosis such as schizophrenia or psychosis would have several other symptoms attached, not just this one odd behavior. Granted, it's very strange at her age; but, if she is able to conduct her normal daily affairs without much problem, then the only problem is that it's very odd and you are uncomfortable with it. She might be perfectly ok with it.

Cydlicious · 01-15-2007, 03:57 PM

Again I agree with you, if she's okay with it, then it is my problem...except she counsels people for a living. I guess I am wondering about the ethics of all of this. Some of those she has a professional relationship with are weirded-out by it. Some never speak about it because they don't want to rock the boat. I don't know, it's all very complicated.