A year ago I was a completely different person. I was depressed, not eating, and when i did, would make myself throw up, i was self-harming...pretty much doing anything and everything to try to make things better...which of course, was not.
Feb. 26 i was admitted to a psych hospital. i hadnt wanted to go, but my counselor at school talked me into it. she told me the vision that i had of hospitals were incorrect, as i invisioned them to be like in the movie "one flew over the cuckoos nest." she told me that it would be best for me to go and have my meds evaluated...basically take a few days off from class to refocus myself and my life. i agreed, and my worst nightmare was fulfilled.
i was truly traumitized from the experience and have been experiencing a case of PTSD since. Ive had nightmares about 2-3 times a week, usually of me being told that i have to go back. i am in constant fear that although i am doing great now, i will slip up in some way and be sent back.
lately, ive been very busy from the time i wake up until the time i get ready for bed, which leads me to think about a lot of things while im trying to fall asleep. i cant seem to stop thinking about what i did and said during this time last year...how things were. and then i think about the hospital and how scared i was and everything that went into it all. i dont know how to shut my brain off, im finding myself lying in bed for hours thinking about how i dont want to think about this.
i was on sleeping meds for a while, off them now for about 3 months and i dont want to go back on them, but i need some way to fall asleep quicker! any tips?
finegane,
I think you would benefit from seeing a counselor; if you have the opportunity to talk about it in depth with someone, it will lose some of it's potency. Try to find a counselor familiar with both cognitive behavior therapy and systematic desensitization both of which working together could be very helpful in overcoming the debilitating emotional impact of this memory.
Re: falling asleep...you say you are busy during the day, but are you physically active. I think you would benefit from some good cardiovascular workout daily. It can help with the anxiety and also may help you sleep better.
I actually see a counselor once a week, have been for over a year. I know you say that talking about it gets rid of the potentcy, but sometimes it makes me feel worse to physically speak it. Typing it is different somehow. When I talk about it i cant stop thinking about it and how i felt then. i know you cant live in the past, and i dont think i am, but right now i think about it a lot.
as far as the sleeping stuff...i am fairly active during the day. however, i just had ankle surgery about 6 weeks ago, so im as active as i can be. i am tired by the end of the day and as i am getting ready to go to bed im looking forward to sleeping. then i lay down and all of a sudden my mind just turns on. i cant seem to stop it no matter what. i try watching a movie to distract me, or listening to music (i have to fall asleep with some noise, have since i was very young) but i find myself turning another movie on after the first one is finished, etc. its frustrating. once i fall asleep, i stay asleep pretty well, but i wake up in the morning feeling tired. its an annoying cycle, thats for sure
It does sound very annoying. What about writing in a journal at night before going to bed or while in bed. Since you can't seem to turn it off, why not write it down, in detail. Once it's down on paper, maybe there won't be the strong need to rehash it every night because you will have objectified it on paper. You can always go back and read it rather than have it run through your mind. That will free up your mind to run through other thoughts and you can write those down and then move on to the next set, etc... Maybe it will run it's course that way. ??
In the past when my mind wouldn't shut down late at night and in bed, I found it helpful to get up and drink some warm milk with a little powedered sugar; or, I would drink some just before bed. I found it very helpful.
Have you tried writing a story in your head? Sounds weird but I too have sleeping problems, the brain just want shut off and I relive the days events or somthing that is bothering me so a year ago I decided to write a romance novel, (ok, so I like historical romances) when I go to bed I start telling myself a story and boom, I'm waking up the next morning. Strange thing is I remember exactly where I left off the next night. I haven't gotten past chapter 3 yet. Some of those relaxation tapes with night sounds, running water, birds may help as well. My therapist made me a tape of his voice telling me to take slow, deep breaths, feeling the tension leaving my toes, my calves, my thighs, etc,..set with background music of a brook running in the background. I never stay awake to here the end of the tape.
Just some ideas.
memories... 
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