CSense

For the past month, I have been delved further into my imaginary world of various characters that I have created. Since I was a child, I have become various imaginary people over the years (in secret) and have lived their lives all of my life. It started as classmates from school, but has grown to become completely imaginary characters. They have families and spouses and very rich, exciting lives. I am no where in their lives; however, each character consumes a part of me. And, now, I don’t know who I really am. Two of my imaginary characters, a couple who I created, Symone and Iggy, have become my friends and have helped me to focus on some aspects of my life.

Late last year, I tried to eliminate the imaginary characters and be myself, but I became very depressed. Everyday was miserable. And, in reality, there is nothing but sadness and poverty whereas in my imaginary world everyone is happy. The definite end came with all the bad news that hit my family so far in the past 2 months.

I am starting very concerned that I will be alone for the rest of my life because I don’t want to get rid of these characters. I would like children, but I don’t see that happening at this point in my life and no man would want to be with me. I am 31 and I have never been kissed, never been on a date and am still a virgin. I feel happier when I am acting out their lives than in my own because my life is such a waste. I just don’t know what to do. I thought maybe I should write the situations that I come across in short story or screenplay; however, I feel scared. Also, I don’t want these characters to go.

I understand if those of you out there feel I’m a nutcase and don’t respond. However, it would be reassuring to know that I am not the only one going through these experiences.