self-esteem, view of self - Mental Health Message Board

ted318 · 02-22-2007, 12:51 AM

I wasnt sure where to post about this...I made my first post on the anxiety board, which was deleted by mr. moderator

anyways...to recap, i've been dealing with depression and social anxiety for a while now. but whenever things seem to be going well, my low self-esteem seems to manifest and ruin things for me.

i fail to realize that everyone has problems just like i do. i blame myself for anything bad that happens, whenever im around. if someone laughs while they're speaking to me, ill think to myself that it must be me. even though im told im a nice, even attractive person, i fail to get the feedback that actually makes me feel happy. is this a product of the depression? or is my self-esteem holding me back from being happy?

since im a hyper-sensitive person, its been difficult for me dealing with social life in college. i have many friends (or so i think...you'll see in a second) but still feel uncomfortable pretty much all the time around everyone, obsessing over how i come across and what the person thinks of me...that they're judging me negatively, ALL THE TIME.

just when it was getting better...i broke up with my girlfriend (my decision) and since then, she has been bashing me to the core, telling me what a horrible person i am, and since i confided to her about my social anxiety/self-esteem issues with other peers, she now attacks me for being a "horrible friend" who is only a "good drinking buddy" but someone who never would be approached for anything "real."

what do i do...how do i gain the motivation to be happy with who i am???

Sannah · 02-23-2007, 10:12 AM

I think that you are motivated to be happy with yourself, you did post here. I think that you just need to understand why you are not. Why are you giving everyone else power over how you feel about yourself? This is how I think of issues like this: A person needs to have a strong, positive identity which they protect with good functional boundaries so that no one can come around and knock down this identity with their opinion or treatment of you.

strongernow · 02-23-2007, 10:57 AM

cool post sannah. I'll be using some of that advice.

nsl1646 · 02-23-2007, 12:55 PM

As Sannah said: do not give power over your happiness to others. I would recommend the book Emotional Options by Mandy Evans (it's simple, really short, and really effective) that talks about the Option Method, a sort of psychological set of questions one can ask oneself to discover the core beliefs that make us tick.
Personally, I would advise you to realize that you can choose happiness at any and every moment, no matter what situation you are in. Take a deep breath, relax, and focus on the good things that you have right now, even the little things.
Also, realize that you, the real you, are indestructible--if someone harrasses you, you are still as whole and functioning and well as before they harrassed you. The only thing that changes anything is the degree you allow their words to affect you. The next time you say to yourself: That made me sad or This makes me angry, realize that it is not that or this making you sad or angry--it is YOU that are making you that way.
Joy and happiness, as I'm sure you've heard at least a few times, come from within--there is nothing you can do or achieve that will bring true, long-lasting happiness. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle is an amazing book about this and similar topics that is truly life-changing. I highly recommend it.
Best of luck!