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Old 04-08-2007, 10:29 AM   #1
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matt__84 HB User
Trouble with people - I can't seem to talk to them.

Hi, I wasn't sure where to post this so sorry if its in the wrong place.

I don't know whats wrong with me, but I can't seem to talk to people. I have only 2 friends, 1 much older than me and the other about 3 yrs older- I'm 22. These are the only 2 people in the world I feel confident with and thats including my family. My best friend who is slightly older than me has other friends and I seem to be just an extra, but we really do have a laugh. I've tried meeting his friends but I just sit there like a lemon and start to get shaky and paranoid, which is how I feel with everyone. I then just make up an excuse and am relieved to be home by myself. This is killing me because I know there is more to life than this, it's torture. I look about 15 which I think may be a cause for this as it doesnt help my confidence. I'm writing this because today i'm feeling really sad, and i've got no energy. I really think I need help but don't have a clue where to start. Please give me any advice at all, thanks, Matt

 
Old 04-08-2007, 04:13 PM   #2
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Re: Trouble with people - I can't seem to talk to them.

Awww, sweetie I'm sorry your feeling that way. *hugs*. At one point I only had 1 friend. But now I have 4, plus my b/f. Have you tried going out and doing things you like? I think your depressed cause you said your feeling really sad without energy. Do you feel that way frequently or just once in a while? If it's once in a while, then I don't think thats a big issue cause everyone gets in moods, but if it's frequently, then you should see someone about it. Could it be that your 2 friends and family are the only ppl you feel confident with cause other ppl treat you badly? Hurt your feelings and stuff? Are you shy? Or do you feel left out? I do. Like when there's me and 2 other ppl doesn't matter who. Family memebers or whatnot. I always am left out. I can't hang out with 2 ppl at the same time. Though I would if I was extremely lonley and desperate to chill with ppl. Well gaining confidence is the first step I'd say. I have that confidence problem too though. I'm 22 too, and I look like 15 or 16. My sister's 18 and she looks her age or atleast 20. So ya. Your not like totally alone in some situations. And I'll bet ppl don't tell you your so tiny. I got enough of that. Though I haven't heard it recently, well I haven't told anyone my age thats why. The last time I heard soemone tell me I'm tiny was in December of last year. At my b/f's aunt's house after telling his cousin I'm 21, back then I was, now am 22. But erm ya. Try and see if you can get a councellor. I had one. She's really nice, I just have to phone her up when somethings wrong. Well not just any little thing. But something big. You'll be ok trust me. *hugs*

Last edited by babydiva; 04-08-2007 at 04:17 PM.

 
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Old 04-09-2007, 07:00 AM   #3
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: Trouble with people - I can't seem to talk to them.

Matt, sounds to me like you have low self-worth, a weak identity. You will be able to function better if you can change how you feel about yourself. You can change how you feel about yourself by understanding how you have come to think so low of yourself and then coming to the understanding that these beliefs are not true and of course you have value and you need to build your confidence on some positive attributes.

 
Old 04-09-2007, 05:28 PM   #4
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firenice HB User
Re: Trouble with people - I can't seem to talk to them.

You might want to consider talking with a counselor or therapist about these things. It can help to talk to someone who is not a friend or family member, someone who listens and provides honest, objective feedback. Reading up on cognitive behavior therapy and rational emotive therapy can also be helpful. There is plenty of free information on the net and some good books available. It sounds like your thinking is distorting things and making you feel much worse than things really are. For example, you may be thinking that looking 15 is making things worse - but that is just your thinking, it may not be true at all. But, if you think that way, you will feel that way. And if you feel that way, you will act that way. And, if you act that way, others will respond to you in that way. And, if others respond to you in that way, it will reinforce the way you are thinking. You need to examine and change your thinking! Then, you will feel and act differently and others will respond differently which will then reinforce the new thinking. There is truth in the old saying "we are what we think."

 
Old 04-11-2007, 09:12 AM   #5
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matt__84 HB User
Re: Trouble with people - I can't seem to talk to them.

Thankyou for the replies, i'm glad ive finally let out how I feel. Im seeing a councellor this weekend to try and work this out. I feel embarrassed talking about it but ive just got to swallow pride and talk to somone. I appreciate your help =)

 
Old 04-18-2007, 09:47 AM   #6
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Detonator007 HB User
Re: Trouble with people - I can't seem to talk to them.

Matt, good for you.

I think a lot of self worth issue stem from childhood and one not standing up for ones self when you felt hurt, since we are taught as males to always be tough - we push this down until down the road we have issues expressing when we feel hurt. I think women have the heads up on this as they are more likely to express when they have felt "hurt" and are always trying to make social circles.

Quote:
Originally Posted by matt__84 View Post
Thankyou for the replies, i'm glad ive finally let out how I feel. Im seeing a councellor this weekend to try and work this out. I feel embarrassed talking about it but ive just got to swallow pride and talk to somone. I appreciate your help =)

 
Old 04-28-2007, 05:48 AM   #7
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Trixibel HB User
Re: Trouble with people - I can't seem to talk to them.

Matt, sounds a bit like you have social anxiety or social phobia. You could look it up. I'm sure you can get some sort of therapy for it. Perhaps you need to find a therapist and do some work on your self esteem. Making friends means trusting people and that doesn't come easily to everyone. Being yourself in front of people doesn't come easy either. I know it doesn't for me. I've reached the stage where if I'm not comfortable with someone - if it's easier to be alone - then I won't bother. But I need to work on my issues, too! But you are YOUNG and have time to work on your 'habits' and change them. Don't be afraid - go out there and take a risk and meet people. I'm sure you're fun and nice, just believe it. Someone gave me advice once which I don't often take but here it is anyway - act like everyone likes you and they will! But remember - not everyone WILL like you and not everyone NEEDs to like you. You need to like yourself. But find a good therapist because it does sound like you have a bit of social phobia and I'm sure it can be helped. Good luck.

 
Old 05-08-2007, 09:28 AM   #8
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matt__84 HB User
Re: Trouble with people - I can't seem to talk to them.

Would seeing my GP help me in any way? I completely froze just before seeing a councellor and got so nervous I started to feel sick so I wussed out. I think I would a little bit more comfortable talking to my GP but dont know how seeing a GP could help and I really dont want to go there if he's just gonna say its normal to get nervous around people. Im really nervous about the whole thing and I feel pathetic. I feel like people think im overreacting when I talk about it (I spoke to my mum) so I just agree with them.

 
Old 05-08-2007, 09:56 AM   #9
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: Trouble with people - I can't seem to talk to them.

Matt, you have to go back to that counselor.

 
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