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Old 06-11-2007, 05:32 PM   #1
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staralfur HB User
Unhappy Can anybody relate? Please read.

Hi guys, just a quick post because I'm going into anxiety over-load after being naughty and googling schizophrenia once again :[

I'm still waiting for the referral to the mental health professional to find out what's actually wrong with me, so it being up in the air still after 6 months isn't helping.

Just wondered if other people have experienced similar symptoms.

I have like opposite thoughts, as if my internal dialogue is constantly arguing with itself.

It's like I'll pick up a dvd and think "This is good"

and as my internal dialogue I'll hear "no it's not"

I swear I could hold conversations with myself if I didn't have some degree of control.

I don't "hear" voices, but it's like my internal dialogue has just completely lost control.

I'm getting so, so anxious over it.

It's very automated and seems to come out of nowhere.

Sometimes I'll also think stupid things like quote looong lines from a film I just saw or say bananas in my head or an utterly random conversation for no reason, like my mind is just letting me know I'm not in control.

But really I know that all these stem from the sheer worry over these intrusive, opposite thoughts. I have no delusions over anything and reality and such never actually come into question.

I'd just like reassurance that I'm not insane :[

I can always tell which is my true voice somewhere in my head, and which are the intrusive thoughts.

It's just most people on the OCD boards seem to have intrusive visualizations (i.e house burning down etc...) instead of actual intrusive words or sentances popping into my head.

Like if I look in the mirror sometimes the word fat will just pop into my head for no reason, really not making sense as I'm all skin and bones.

Can anybody relate?

It's just frustrating me because it's only in the past 8 months this has happened, since I left for university, and nobody has actually explained to me what they are (which makes it even more scary)

Also, I also hear whatever I hear from the tv or by friends sometimes, repeated back in my head (But I know this is because my mind is so focused on my thoughts that it's moved from the unconceous to conseuous side of my brain.

(at least one thing makes sense.)

I'd just like some closure for once, I've been coping really well recently but tonight I just feel lost :[

I know it sounds silly but it would mean a lot if I could officially say to myself "Right, okay. This is OCD, I'm going to do my research and learn the best way to live with it and still enjoy life"

Or something.

instead of just wondering

"What the hell is going on in my head"

Please guys, I'm at the end of my tether.

 
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Old 06-11-2007, 06:05 PM   #2
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trg247 HB Usertrg247 HB Usertrg247 HB User
Re: Can anybody relate? Please read.

No one here can diagnose you as we are not doctors. I am kind of curious why your looking up schizophrenia? As to my knowledge is the most severe of mental disorders but I am sure others will disagree. I do pretty much everything that you have said in your post plus a few others. I doubt you will end up with the same diagnosis as me but maybe parts of it. If I were you I would be looking up psycosis. It may or may not fit but might offer some direction. When looking up different diagnosis on the web it is easy to believe that we fall into all of the categories. Med students have this problem for everytime they study a new disease or disorder they have it or believe they have it. Hopefully your referral will come in quickly and put your nerves to rest.

take care
trg247
__________________
Major Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Current Meds
Pristiq
Cymbalta
Seroquel
Temazapam

 
Old 06-11-2007, 08:28 PM   #3
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SuchGreatHeight HB User
Re: Can anybody relate? Please read.

As said, we're not doctors. And as a consumer, it doesn't sound anything like Schizophrenia. It almost sounds like OCD and Tourette's. Maybe look that up? Good luck with the evaluation.


SGH

 
Old 06-12-2007, 03:53 AM   #4
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Join Date: May 2007
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staralfur HB User
Re: Can anybody relate? Please read.

Hi guys, thanks for our replies.

I just read up quite a bit on psychosis and I think I can safely say that I show none of the symptoms.

I have no delusions or hallucinations, my brain just keeps being silly.

It's like although I can't control my thoughts, I can find my real thoughts in there easily. I can find my true voice.

It's just a real annoyance when you have all this random crap, and dialogue flying through your brain all day.

I'm not sure why but it seems to slow down at night, maybe cause I'm tired but I really do find peace at night sometimes.

And to suchgreatheights, yes. The people I have connected most with on these boards have been the OCDers. Their experiences of intrusive thoughts almost suit mine to a tee.

I was just worried because their intrusive thoughts seem to involve imagery of violence or sexual stuff etc...

And my intrusive thoughts manifest in internal dialogue.

But although I'm not quite sure if it's OCD or maybe something else, it's true I've found it astonishing how some of my symptoms are closely aligned with the people who suffer with Pure O on the OCD board.

My doctor said that these thoughts can occur completely independent of any other condition, and can manifest themselves on their own.

(Which would make sense as this is the one and only symptom I have or ever had)

But I'd still like to get checked out by a mental health professional.

 
Old 06-15-2007, 03:18 PM   #5
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alvinjudedias HB User
Re: Can anybody relate? Please read.

Quote:
Originally Posted by staralfur View Post
Hi guys, just a quick post because I'm going into anxiety over-load after being naughty and googling schizophrenia once again :[

I'm still waiting for the referral to the mental health professional to find out what's actually wrong with me, so it being up in the air still after 6 months isn't helping.

Just wondered if other people have experienced similar symptoms.

I have like opposite thoughts, as if my internal dialogue is constantly arguing with itself.

It's like I'll pick up a dvd and think "This is good"

and as my internal dialogue I'll hear "no it's not"

I swear I could hold conversations with myself if I didn't have some degree of control.

I don't "hear" voices, but it's like my internal dialogue has just completely lost control.

I'm getting so, so anxious over it.

It's very automated and seems to come out of nowhere.

Sometimes I'll also think stupid things like quote looong lines from a film I just saw or say bananas in my head or an utterly random conversation for no reason, like my mind is just letting me know I'm not in control.

But really I know that all these stem from the sheer worry over these intrusive, opposite thoughts. I have no delusions over anything and reality and such never actually come into question.

I'd just like reassurance that I'm not insane :[

I can always tell which is my true voice somewhere in my head, and which are the intrusive thoughts.

It's just most people on the OCD boards seem to have intrusive visualizations (i.e house burning down etc...) instead of actual intrusive words or sentances popping into my head.

Like if I look in the mirror sometimes the word fat will just pop into my head for no reason, really not making sense as I'm all skin and bones.

Can anybody relate?

It's just frustrating me because it's only in the past 8 months this has happened, since I left for university, and nobody has actually explained to me what they are (which makes it even more scary)

Also, I also hear whatever I hear from the tv or by friends sometimes, repeated back in my head (But I know this is because my mind is so focused on my thoughts that it's moved from the unconceous to conseuous side of my brain.

(at least one thing makes sense.)

I'd just like some closure for once, I've been coping really well recently but tonight I just feel lost :[

I know it sounds silly but it would mean a lot if I could officially say to myself "Right, okay. This is OCD, I'm going to do my research and learn the best way to live with it and still enjoy life"

Or something.

instead of just wondering

"What the hell is going on in my head"

Please guys, I'm at the end of my tether.

 
Old 06-15-2007, 03:44 PM   #6
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: canada
Posts: 2
alvinjudedias HB User
Re: Can anybody relate? Please read.

Hi my friend,

I can totally relate. I suffered from this disorder for almost four years now, and most of the stuff you've mentioned is contained within me. The dialectical arguments with oneself, hearing potents words and having them repeat constantly; reasoning, logicizing, philosophising about everything and anything, trying to find meaning in random events (and here comes the funny part, most of it makes total sense) (you must have a really high iq).

Yes This Is All OCD. Along with a hell of a lot of anxiety that comes along with it.

I've tried every medication in the book. I had four ect treatments.(which was pretty much the last resort). I found that it helped a bit with anxiety and mood (but the only thing is the period while the ect is being performed you can't take any anxiety meds, and that really sucks, trust me. But now I find I'm getting really bi-polar, which is great at times but really really sucks at other times. But the ocd is still there (except at times when I'm really engrossed in something interesting e.g art, music, writing composition. you probably have that too.)

I'm on chlorpromazine and diazepam. They both help for sleep, but not really for anxiety. I find lorazepam works better for anxiety except it's short acting, which kinda sucks as well.

So I really don't have any advice, just my experiences, to offer you.

The only thing I can say that might work is to extract all the stressors from your life.

Research the Solar Plexus (manipura) Chakra, which involves focus and concentration. The more focus and concentration the less ocd.

I have not mastered this yet, but I truly believe it to be the only cure.

When one has his/her energy focus somewhere other than the head e.g the best place is the solar place chakra. The less intrusions and such.

In other words meditate on the solar plexus chakra.

Hope this helps in anyway.

Take care

 
Old 06-16-2007, 08:58 AM   #7
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 6,178
Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: Can anybody relate? Please read.

Alvin, have you made any progress on your anxiety? I think anxiety stems from not feeling secure in your life or with yourself. This is how I overcame my anxiety. I worked on making myself and my life secure (this includes my thoughts and feelings).

 
Old 06-21-2007, 08:40 AM   #8
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Wales
Posts: 43
staralfur HB User
Re: Can anybody relate? Please read.

Thanks a lot for sharing your experiences.

It gets better the more I don't worry about it, and the thoughts are still there but when I can just shrug them off as thoughts and not give them weight everything seems bearable.

I'm slowly getting into meditation and I've quit smoking and cutting right down on alcohol (Only drink on special occasions, for example I'm drinking tonight because my best friend is moving away for good to Spain) and I think I'm doing okay.

I just have to get it out of my head that I need to be cured, and to live with it.

Cause apart from the thoughts I'm fine.

Oh, and you're right about what you said about writing! I always write.

Thanks a lot.

 
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