Join Date: Jul 2007
I don't know what I should title this... (long post.. =/)
Ok, hello whoever is reading this. I first off would like to say that I am a new user on here,
I have told everything I'm about to tell you all to my parents. Also, I want everyone to know that this is not an attempt to snag attention, I really, desperately, need some advice.
Please excuse me if I've posted this thread on the wrong board, I'm just really confused on what this stuff is, and I don't know on which subjected board I should have posted it on.
Ok here I go...
At the beginning of this year, in January, I was on a website where you could chat with people on web-cam, and I was chatting with my friend, but then out of no where, I started panicking. It was as if it was extreme deja vu, and I had seriously felt like I knew what my friend was about to say over her microphone. I started shaking severely, and I was in total paranoia at that point. The feeling I had was over whelmming. Sure I had had deja vu before, but it was no where near the way this had felt. As my friend spoke, it felt like I knew how they were going to end the sentence. And everytime I would look at the computer screen, I knew it was going to happen like that. I don't know, but this was just the start of this stuff.
Through out the next month I noticed myself having more "attacks" like that one, but it didn't last as long, and it wasn't as severe. I also noticed myself having some what of an addiction to the way things feel and sound. Mostly of how things feel though. For instance, (and I still do this) I would take my tongue, and make it touch the roof of my mouth, and I would sit and think about how it feels, and then I would do what I call, reverse it, and I would imagine what it feels like for the roof of my mouth to have my tongue touch it. I know that probably doesn't make sense at all, but that's what I was doing. And not with just that one example, but with touching water,hard surfaces, and so on. After awhile though, everything just sort of stopped, and I eventually forgot about it. Until of course it started happening again.
One night, me and my parents sat down to watch a movie. I fell asleep during the movie, and I woke up really hot and sweaty, and I kept hearing these sounds in my head. First, it sounded as if it were a bunch of high-school football players screaming and cheering, then it would switch to a little girl crying. I was so terribly confused and I thought I was going crazy. I just really wanted the noises to stop and eventually they did. I went back to sleep and the next day I told my parents about what I had been experiencing the past 2 months. Of course, my mother thought I was just making it up. But my father said I was having anxiety attacks. I still don't really know what it is all that stuff was. But the next event that happened a month later scared me even more. I had a really bad headache one night, and I was trying to sleep it off, I started having scary hallucinations, and I wanted them to stop so I got up and walked out of my bedroom, but right by my door there is a mirror, and when I walked by the mirror and jumped and started to shake badly. I don't know why, because I didn't even look in the mirror. But for some reaosn I just really had to get the mirror off of my wall and lay it on the floor upside down. For about 4 minutes, I couldn't move. But I finally opened my bedroom door and looked out into the hallway very cautiously, as if something were there to "get me" and I quickly ran across the hallway to my mothers room to use her bathroom. Bad idea. Because bathrooms have mirrors. I walked in there and right before I saw myself in the mirror I jumped back really quickly and almost started crying. I then went into my mothers room and fell asleep on her bed.
Now, ove the next month and a half, everything seemed to stop, and I forgot about everything again. Not really was it that I had forgot, but I didn't think about it. Anyways, In late March, I had started hanging out with my bestfriend again, and I had eventually got a boyfriend, and I had no signs or "attacks" or anything happen to me for the longest time. Until near the end of June, me my boyfriend and our friend went out to eat at Applebees. We were waiting for our food, and everything was fine and normal, just grabbing something to eat before we all went home. When the lady served me my food, the deja vu thing started to happen again. I started panicking really badly this time, probably even the worst time I had panicked. But I seemed to keep it to myself, because I really didn't want to look crazy in front of my boyfriend and my friend and of course the whole restuarant. But this is what exactly happened.
The lady came to our table, handed me my plate, and as soon as I got the plate it kicked in, I had felt like I had seen the waitress serving me this before, and with everything I did (set the plate down, cut my steak, drink a sip of my drink...) It had really set in my mind that I either knew it was going to happen, or I had done it before. But all in all, it was intensely nerve wracking, and I wasn't able to eat my food. This happened about 2 or 3 weeks ago, and over these past weeks I've been really paranoid/depressed/ and angry. Another important thing I feel the need to add, is how I've been thinking. Every now and then I will see/hear/feel/think/ or smell something that I guess kind of "triggers" these thoughts. These are some of the thing I thought of.
-"everything is connecting, and I need to figure out what it's suppose to mean."
-"im losing time. time is low.time is running out. time is going too fast. time is going faster than we realize."
-(and of course...)" im going crazy."
But I kept asking myself one question. If I'm going crazy, how would I be able to know? Or realize? Or actually remember everything that makes me think I am going crazy?
Sorry for such a very long post to read, but I wanted to make sure you got the idea and everything. I just want some answers on how I can deal with it when/if it happens again, what I could do to prevent it from happening again, and what you all think it could be??
I personally want to go to a therapist, but that's not an option with how our money situation is right now. So please, if you have any insights on this, please let me know what you think.
I really appreciate your time.
Last edited by Administrator; 07-02-2007 at 10:05 PM.
Reason: removed inappropriate detail; please read the rules carefully.